Nicole Leigh Shaw
Latest posts by Nicole Leigh Shaw (see all)
- 10 Ways Newborns Are Evil - January 29, 2013
- 10 Must-Know Facts About Toddlers - January 10, 2013
Rejoice parents! You now have toddlers, those bundles of budding humanity. Constant whining has replaced that urgent baby cry. They mostly sleep through the night these days, but when they don’t it’s no longer because they need a good burping or a diaper change. Toddlers have needs and desires that, even when addressed directly and precisely to the letter of their demands, are all wrong you dumb cow.
1. If your baby is a thumb-sucker (read: self-soother) you’ll rejoice until you one day realize that you can take away the pacifier but the kid carries that thumb everywhere.
2. If your baby is a pacifier baby, you will wait too long to take it away and convincing Susie that the baby ducklings at the pond need all her pacis will elicit the same reaction from her that beating ponies with puppies would.
3. Handing a toddler a broken cookie is like handing her a tantrum grenade.
4. So his shoes are on the wrong feet. Deal with it. You have a bigger battle ahead over the sleeveless top and dirty training pants he insists on wearing to Caregiver and Me Music Class in February.
5. You’re all ready to go to that doctor’s appointment, right? Wrong. Junior took a pit stop in the splash and play fun room otherwise known as the hall bath. And look, your car keys don’t float!
6. Parents of toddlers are to mental health professionals what year-end bonuses are to salesmen.
7. Even if the restaurant does have highchairs and booster seats, resist the urge to dine out with your toddler. You’ve heard the phrase like oil and water? Like IHOP and toddlers.
8. Christ was tested in the desert by Satan. You will be tested in the grocery store by a preschooler. You will discover that you are not Christ.
9. Young children love to play in the bath unless they are actually dirty.
10. Because toddlers throw all their food on the floor, animal shelters are able to unload dogs on young families.
Best of luck!
{ 51 comments… read them below or add one }
I’m dying. Its all true. All of it.
:)
Ninja Mom recently posted..Mommy, for Real and Barbie
#3 describes life with my twin 3.5 y/o’s lol!!!
Mine, too. I hated having one whole cookie and one broken and trying to decide who gets it.
Ninja Mom recently posted..Mommy, for Real and Barbie
I love #8. All so true. Staying home is always the best bet with a toddler. never leave your home. ever. You can thank me for that later ;)
Momma Peters recently posted..A Question A Day Keeps the Mundane Away
Number 8 is my personal favorite. Good call on living like a hermit.
Ninja Mom recently posted..Mommy, for Real and Barbie
Yep. Yep. Yep.
Stephanie recently posted..The Bane of Ambition
;)
Ninja Mom recently posted..Mommy, for Real and Barbie
Truer words were never written:
3. Handing a toddler a broken cookie is like handing her a tantrum grenade
Teri recently posted..Snarkfest’s Top 5 Blog Posts of 2012
Nothing’s scarier than a toddler having a cookie conniption.
Ninja Mom recently posted..Mommy, for Real and Barbie
A tantrum grenade? Perfect description.
HouseTalkN recently posted..Let It Snow…Wordless Wednesday
Thanks!
Ninja Mom recently posted..Mommy, for Real and Barbie
Holy hilarious! My son is two and a half… And guilty guilty guilty! But we love em anyway!
If they weren’t cute they’d be in toddler jail. I love mine, too!
Ninja Mom recently posted..Mommy, for Real and Barbie
Yes yes yes… We refer to ourselves as stupid monkeys (their opinion of us as parents) when we don’t correctly guess their needs instantly as they change them. I do like stupid cow too though lol.
I was channeling my own cow-like post-baby physique. ;)
Ninja Mom recently posted..Mommy, for Real and Barbie
On the cookie note you best be able to double dole them out if you have more than one cause sharing is not an option and waiting in line is worse than a broken cookie!!!
On the cookie note you best be able to double dole them out if you have more than one cause sharing is not an option and waiting in line is worse than a broken cookie!!!
Oh, the waiting in line!!! How could I have forgotten that?
Ninja Mom recently posted..Mommy, for Real and Barbie
Right on. I got a dog just to help out with the mess.
A Man Called Dad recently posted..From one end of daycare to the other
You’ll be grateful, until you have to pick up the poop. But, po-tay-toe, po-tah-toe.We have two crumb-eating poop-makers.
Ninja Mom recently posted..Mommy, for Real and Barbie
You made my day more bearable. So true and now I can laugh about it all. #8′s my favorite!
Erika Zane recently posted..Happy Birthday Sweet Boy.
Thanks! I’m glad everyone shares my pain.
Ninja Mom recently posted..Mommy, for Real and Barbie
Broken bananas cause nuclear-level meltdowns too. IT TASTES THE SAME, KID, JUSTEATITALREADY!!!
Toulouse recently posted..Mommy, Will You Marry Me?
Like the “it all ends up smooshed up in your tummy, anyway” argument. Never convinces the little ones, does it?
Ninja Mom recently posted..Mommy, for Real and Barbie
“You are not Christ”… aint that the truth!! Ha ha. So true, and still very much in my memory even though my kids are older. Love it Ninja Mom!
Frugalistablog recently posted..I’m guest posting In The Powder Room
Thanks, Frugie!
Ninja Mom recently posted..Mommy, for Real and Barbie
“9. Young children love to play in the bath unless they are actually dirty.” Yes yes! Well, yes to the whole list!
Isn’t it nice to know the kids are the crazy ones, and not us?
Ninja Mom recently posted..Mommy, for Real and Barbie
Groaning! This is all too true right now–but you make it funny, so it’s all okay ;)
Meredith recently posted..Why We Won’t Be Shacking Up at The Abbey Anytime Soon…
Hey Meredith! Sorry to induce groans. I’m down to my last toddler and it’s still a tough ride. Wowzers.
My youngest is finally 3. I have spent the better part of the last 7 years with at least one toddler in the house (sometimes two). Its all true. Thanks for the laugh. :-D
jeannine recently posted..From The Kitchen: Preserving Fresh Peppers
Tantrum grenade. Could not be more accurate.
Allison @ Motherhood, WTF? recently posted..Mommy is not in the picture
And it is even worse when you break the overly large cookie and insist she share it with the sibling. *shudder*
Tinne from Tantrums and Tomatoes recently posted..Go in Search for Lost Time and prevent your oven from getting depressed : Madeleines by Pierre Hermé
“Beating ponies with puppies” is the new threat I’m going to use to keep my kids in line.
It won’t work, of course. Nothing does.
hollow tree ventures recently posted..Toddler Food Groups
My now almost 4 year old was this kind of toddler; my current 2 year old is an angel by comparison.
Mercy recently posted..Our Trip to Mangalore
Number 8 needs to be included in the parenting Bible.
And I laughed out loud about the IHOP one.
Jennifer recently posted..A new beginning, Creative Writing
Thanks so much!
The dog is the reason why I don’t sweat the stage where they dump all their food off the high chair. I at least know I won’t have to clean it up.
Nicole(Whole Strides) recently posted..Dear, sweet Ansel
Yep. It’s why we have two dogs. :)
I remember reading a story years ago about a mom, obviously harried, with her three kids at a cafeteria asking for three puddings and “please, make them all the same!” I didn’t get what she meant until I had kids of my own. For God’s sake, what ever you give them, make them all the same!
“Toddlers have needs and desires that, even when addressed directly and precisely to the letter of their demands, are all wrong you dumb cow.” –Truer words were never spoken.
Yes. Brilliant! That’s something we definitely don’t get until we have to handle toddlers.
“Parents of toddlers are to mental health professionals what year-end bonuses are to salesmen.”
My toddler funded my therapist’s kid’s college fund.
JD Bailey @ Honest Mom recently posted..Enough with the homework. I want my kid to play and be a kid.
You know I’m with you on this one, babe.
Ninja Mom recently posted..Children’s clothing: hidden danger or cover for nakedness?
so true lol
This is awesome. I love every minute of this. Especially #8, I know I laughed out loud. Of course I see this as a recommendation on my blog post about my toddler’s crappy behavior! Figures.
Emily recently posted..When Enough Is FINALLY Enough.
My kiddo is just starting toddler years. I’m scared. ;-p
I know it’s all in fun, but I disagree with #7. I’ve been taking my 2 year old out to restaurants since he was a baby. The trick is to keep him occupied! The only difference is now I have to go where I know my picky eater will actually eat something!
ummm hilarious! and so true…tantrum granade..lol!
OMG Sooo true about my dd2. I’ve heard the toddler years are one of the toughest years & I believe it!
I think that it is a ridiculous not to take your toddler out to eat with you. You are saying that I should find a babysitter every time my husband and I want to eat out? That’s insane!!!! You are telling people to exclude their children!!! My toddler goes wherever my husband and I do unless we are on a date, I am not ashamed of my child!!!