Parenting is a series of highs and lows, and the one thing you learn is that the highs are very often followed by abrupt, crashing lows. Below, 10 parenting moments that will definitely totally kill your buzz.
1. You’ve brushed all the kids’ teeth. You’ve changed the diapers, wrestled them into their jammies, said prayers or read a book or whatever, administered the last sips of waters, dispelled monsters, and kissed foreheads goodnight. And just as you flick off the light, the unmistakable scent of poop wafts toward you.
2. You’ve got the first job interview since you’ve had kids. You’ve set out your work outfit the night before. It’s freshly laundered, maybe even ironed. And in the morning, you go to pull it on, and it’s just a little too fucking tight.
3. Because you are totally organized and on it, you have made a list of what the meals were going to be this week. Ta-da! You are killing it as this whole mom thing. You arrive home and start preparations for heating up the spaghetti and meatballs you prepped over the weekend, only to find that someone ate all the meatballs for lunch.
4. Kids are strapped in, backpacks at their feet. You are dressed and ready for work, your own laptop bag packed. You’re running on time for once. And when you turn the key in the ignition, the motor coughs and then says, “Hahahaha, the battery is dead.”
5. When the caller ID is your kid’s school’s number.
6. You get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom and you step in something wet.
7. You are all dressed up for an event you’ve been looking forward to for weeks. Your husband has put on a tie, shaved, and is generally also psyched for a dinner out and maybe some adult conversation. 7:00, 7:05, 7:10, comes and goes. You text the sitter, and she texts back “That was TONIGHT?”
8. You finally get your toddler down for a nap. You head to the kitchen, a spring in your step as you anticipate the delicious bowl of leftovers you are going to eat as you catch up on Internet gossip. You are lifting the first forkful to your lips as the kid busts out a new, even higher-pitched wail than ever before.
9. You are just drifting off to sleep after a hard day when you hear a soft coughing through the monitor. And then “Mama,” and then—just as you are sprinting toward their room with a trash can—your child barfs straight through his crib slats to the wall, hitting the fringe of the rug on the way down.
10. You are cleaning out your kid’s backpack and a note flutters out, reminding you that your contribution to the bake sale—24 cupcakes—is due, let’s see, tomorrow.
But let’s not let these momentary bummers harsh our mellow for too long. After all, it’s nap time, and there’s a delicious bowl of leftovers waiting.