10 Random Thoughts From a Dad on ‘Frozen’ – Scary Mommy

10 Random Thoughts From a Dad on ‘Frozen’

Editor’s Note: I have to put this disclaimer in here. There are some spoilers in this post. If you haven’t watched this movie and you plan to in the future, read my first point and nothing else.

#1 – There are actually parents with kids under the age of 10 who haven’t seen this movie yet: This fact absolutely blows my mind. How is this possible? It’s one of the top 10 grossing movies in the history of the universe. I can’t determine if these parents are living under a rock or if they’re the smartest people on the planet not to expose their kids to the crack cocaine-like addictive nature of Frozen. Either way, they’re winning.

#2 – I want to know how Elsa got her powers: We know Peter Parker was bitten by a radioactive spider. We know Superman is an alien from outer space with powers that are fueled by the sun. I want to know how this girl can shoot ice out of her hands, dammit! Was she born this way? Was she a part of some crazy lab experiment? Was she bitten by radioactive frost? Is she a mutant? Will I see her in the new X-Men movie coming out? Inquiring minds want to know.

I demand a prequel.

Editor’s Note: My wife just informed me she was born with those powers. Obviously I missed that part, but my question remains unanswered. Which parent had the power? Was he/she born with them too? And why didn’t it get passed down to Anna? Again, I demand a prequel.

#3 – I’ve watched the movie more times than I can count and it took until the fourth or fifth viewing for me to realize that their parents had their ship wrecked in the ocean: Maybe I was multitasking while watching it or I simply glazed over it, but it totally went over my head. You gotta admit, it happens really quickly. That’s probably why I hated the movie so much after watching it the first few times, because I thought the sisters were just human versions of Max & Ruby. I kept asking, “Where the hell are your parents??”

#4 – Not digging the dad’s philosophy on how to deal with Elsa: “Our kid is different. Let’s close the gates and keep her away from everyone.” Really, Pops? Yes, she’s different, but that’s what makes her special. It would’ve been nice if the dad had said, “You know what, Elsa? You’re different and that’s great. Show the world how amazing you are. Own it, baby girl!” I just think building confidence in kids who are seen as “different” would’ve sent a wonderful message—and besides, I wouldn’t worry about her getting bullied on the proverbial playground, would you? Yes, I’m aware that the movie would’ve gone in a completely different direction if that happened—but I don’t think unnecessarily locking a kid up in isolation for 10 years is a good look, that’s all.

Clearly I’ve given this way more thought than it deserves. Let’s move on, shall we?

#5 – I saw right through the “love at first sight” thing between Anna and Hans during my first viewing: I remember watching it unfold with my wife and daughter during the “Love Is An Open Door” song and saying, “Yeah…that ain’t gonna work out.” And I was right. Either I should change my nickname to “Negrodamus” because I can predict the future, or maybe it was just that obvious. Who knows?

#6 – Stop with the “Brozen” nonsense: Everywhere I turn there are dudes thinking that they need to come up with a clever nickname because they watched this movie. Hence the birth of “Brozen,” otherwise known as bros who watch Frozen. To me, it’s not clever. It’s just dumb. Adding a category for men is basically saying that men shouldn’t like a movie like this. I like the movie, but I don’t want to be put in a silly group because of it. I’m just a dad who watched the movie with my daughter multiple times because it makes her happy—which, in turn, makes me happy. It’s no different than when people see stay-at-home dads and call them “Mr. Moms” or “Mannies.” Why can’t they just be…you know…dads? I’m not a stay-at-home dad, but I know terms like that would bother the hell out of me if I was one. Stop that shit. Just own the fact that you’re a guy who enjoys Frozen and be done with it.

#7 – If I had to choose a character from an animated movie to be friends with my daughters, I’d take Merida from Brave over the sisters from Frozen: Before you ask, “What about , DDW?” let me state that I have NOT watched every animated movie out there (and I have no desire to), so my sample size is extremely limited. I like Frozen. I really do. I just think Merida in Brave is one kick-ass little girl and I loved her from start to finish of that film. She’s spunky, she’s cute, and she’s tough—and she’s the kind of kid that I’d love for my daughters to be friends with. Anna and Elsa? They’re not bad kids by any means, and I don’t dislike them. I just like Merida better, that’s all.

Well, I’d happily invite Elsa over when it gets to be 105 degrees in the summertime to keep my air conditioning costs low and stay green. I’m all about thinking of creative ways to save the environment. You’re welcome.

Merida > Everyone else.

#8 – Olaf stole the show: Why couldn’t Olaf be nominated for best supporting actor during the Oscars? He would’ve gotten my vote. The lovable little snowman was easily my favorite character in the movie.

“I’m not sure if this solves the problem, but there are stairs leading right to where we need to go.”

“I’m Olaf, and I like to give warm hugs.”

“I got impaled.”

“Winter’s a good time to stay in and cuddle, but put me in summer and I’ll be a (sees a puddle) happy snowman!”

I thank you, Olaf. Without you, the movie would be a whole lot less enjoyable.

#9 – The big snowman creature scared the ever living crap out of my daughter: I now have to fast-forward past the part when Anna throws the snowball at the creature, which subsequently caused him to growl angrily, light up his eyes, and chase them through the woods. Thank goodness we live in a warm climate because I don’t think my daughter’s first experience with snow will be a pleasant one because of that scene. Whatever. We probably won’t see snow for a very long time. Brutal east coast winters are the main reason why I moved to California in the first place, 11 years ago.

The cold always bothered me, anyway.

#10 – The sisterly love at the end made my eyeballs sweaty: My daughters are young (3 years old and 9 months old, respectively). Right now they are completely in love with each other and spend a lot of time laughing and giggling together. Unfortunately, I always come across *that parent* either online or in real life who says, “Just wait until they become teenagers! They’ll hate each other!” Really? Why do people say stuff like that? Call me crazy, but maybe they’ll love each other more than they do right now. Frozen definitely has its minor flaws in its plot, characters, and message—but it absolutely hit a home run with its ending. Anna demonstrating true love by protecting her sister from harm instead of getting kissed by some guy was perfect. Just perfect. I hope my daughters are that tight with each other as they grow older.

In closing, I enjoyed Frozen. Is it my personal favorite animated movie of all time? No. Not even close. That award goes to Wreck-It Ralph (I’m a sucker for old-school video game references).

Does it achieve WIWIA status? WIWIA stands for “Would I Watch It Alone?” meaning if I stumbled upon an On Demand or cable movie while I’m home by myself without being influenced by my wife and/or kids, would I watch it? When it comes to Frozen, the answer for me is no. Keep in mind, my WIWIA list is pretty long, but the only animated movies on it are Wreck-It Ralph, Brave, and The Incredibles.

With that said, it doesn’t change the fact that Frozen is already an all-time classic. Similar to how we watch old classics with our kids today that our parents watched with us (Snow White, Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, etc.), it’s strange to imagine that the tiny humans we’re raising will watch Frozen with their children someday too.

However, there will be problems if asking my future grandchildren to build a snowman results in them saying, “Good idea, Grandpa. Let’s watch Frozen!”

This post originally appeared on Daddy Doin’ Work.