2014-THANKSgiving

10 Things My Toddler Would Rather Play With

69 Comments

toddler-playing-with-dryer

Despite my very best efforts to provide wholesome and safe options for my newly minted toddler to play with, he inevitably finds something gross or dangerous to entertain himself with instead.

As a summer baby, he had his first birthday bash this past July. Friends and family gathered to shower him with gifts. Brightly colored packages hid the joys of every imaginable toy that – one would think – a small child would go nuts for. He received beach toys, sprinklers for hot days, building toys, throwing toys, and light-up-and-be-loud toys.

But this child will not be deterred. No amount of fresh batteries will convince this kid to stay away from these ten things:

1. Extension Cords. I’m not sure what the allure is but my kid cannot resist wrapping his drooly mouth around an extension cord and gnawing away at the plastic coated wire.

2. The Toilet. As the sole individual in my house who is not potty trained this child is deeply fascinated with the porcelain bowl filled with water. He wants nothing more than to swim in it. Or throw his toys in it. Or jam his hands in it.

3. The Stairs. My squirmy kid is showing signs of being a thrill seeker at en early age as demonstrated by his reverence of the stairs. He spends his entire day trying to figure out how to break through the baby gate to get to them.

4. Plastic Bags. Child, didn’t you ever see those PSA’s about not letting small kids stick plastic bags over their heads? No, I guess you didn’t. You make every attempt to jam your whole body into them.

5. Dirt. There is no end to his love of dirt and he does not discriminate about its source. I’ve seen him cheerfully sample dirt from the houseplants, the dog’s paws, the garden, the driveway, and the mudroom floor.

6. The Kitchen Trash. Is there a secret treasure in the kitchen trash that I am not in-the-know about? Does the trash can beckon my kid with promises of adventure? Seriously, what gives?

7. The Dog Food. The poor dog cannot eat in peace. Or drink water for that matter. My curious child is forever washing his toys in the dog water bowl or throwing the dry kibble all over the kitchen floor.

8. Under Chairs. While it is impressive to me that my kid can contort his body into a tight enough ball to fit directly under the dinging room chairs, it scares the ever loving wits right out of me. Kid, you could be squished!

9. The Dryer. I can thank my toddler’s older brother for showing him that the dryer door opens into a giant empty box where he can hide all sorts of evidence of trouble, like fistfuls of dirt from the houseplants.

10. The Hamper. I’ve actually photographed this one about 200 times. My toddler – God love him – will pull out underwear and try to wear it on his head. Can I get a collective WTH? He is clearly and thoroughly confused about the difference between skivvies and hats.

Next year I am going to put an asterisk at the end of the birthday invitation that reads, “Caution: spending more than $5 will result in this kid losing all interest in your thoughtfully chosen gift. A bag of old tube socks and an empty cardboard box is totally acceptable (and probably preferable!) thank you in advance your patience and understanding.”

Comments

The Scary Mommy Community is built on support. If your comment doesn't add to the conversation in a positive or constructive way, please rethink submitting it. Basically? Don't be a dick, please.

  1. 3

    Karen says

    My son’s first birthday is coming up and we’re in the same boat. Except replace hamper with cloth diaper pail. I had to put a child-proof latch on it. Kiddo, why so obsessed? Did you leave something in one of the pockets? :)

    Show Replies
  2. 9

    says

    LOL at the hamper. The other night I could hear my 2yo saying yucky…yucky…yucky over and over. Turns out he was saying it each time he removed something from the hamper and threw it over his shoulder. Ultimately he put the hamper over his head and started walking around.

    Show Replies
  3. 16

    says

    My son (raised in an orphanage) could spend hours playing with the door to the closet under the stairs. Our own little Harry Potter. Since the lightbulb lit up and turned off, he was fascinated. If he received a toy it was only acceptable if it had a door or a hatch. He also enjoyed small videos on Youtube when people filmed elevator doors opening and closing (and moving). You wouldn’t believe how many films there is of elevators on Youtube! On birthday parties he ignored the others and tried out all the doors in new houses… :-)

    Show Replies
  4. 20

    Krysia says

    For Christmas this year, my husband has already said that all we are getting our 3.5 month old is tissue paper. He’s of course joking but honestly our baby is most likely going to enjoy the paper more than the toy it wrapped.

    I know I’ll probably get criticized for saying this but do be careful letting your little one play in the dog’s food and water. I’m sure your puppy is a sweetheart but even sweet tempered dogs can get possessive of their food when it is constantly disturbed and sometimes lash out to protect it. I’m speaking as a dog lover and a dog owner so I’m not just hating on dogs. I’m sure you do what you can to deter your son but I felt the need to say this.

    Show Replies

Load More Comments

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>