15 Buzzwords for the Pseudo-Crunchy Mom

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little-baby-teeth

Some women intend to be crunchy-mommas, while others just fall into it because it works. I find myself in the latter category. If you’re like me, you nod your head when other parents use certain buzzwords, but for an entirely different reason than a truly crunchy mom would:

1. Baby wearing: You’re too lazy to set up the double stroller, so you put your toddler in the umbrella push-chair, cram your baby into a Bjorn and call it a day.

2. Baby-led weaning: You can’t be bothered to purée vegetables.

3. Co-sleeping: You won’t train the younger baby to sleep on her own because your two-year-old is easily disturbed by noise and wouldn’t tolerate cry-it-out from his sister.

4. Sensory box: A giant tupperware filled with dried foods that seemed like a great idea on Pinterest. Rogue lentils from said box will hide themselves in the nooks and crannies of your home until the nuclear apocalypse, wherein they’ll be the foodstuffs for cockroaches long after the human race ceases to exist.

5. Water table: Actually a bird bath that came with your house.

6. Extended breast feeding: Baby has created a wicked sleep association with your nipples…see #3.

7. Free play: It is raining. They’ve already watched more TV than you want to admit. Let’s see what they can do with the tubing from your breast pump, a funnel, and an old calculator.

8. Child-led play: Aka “mommy doesn’t feel like entertaining you right now”.

9. Recycling: Hand-me-downs are the only way to keep your children clothed since every gift you got was for a 0-3 month-old infant and your gigantic sumo-babies outgrew them the day after you came home from the hospital. So what if your little girl’s shirt sports a green dump truck? She’s only going to cover it with food anyway…see #2.

10. Instagram: A site where you post pictures of your toddler’s avocado/blueberry/free-range-egg breakfast, but not his shortbread/juicebox/leftover-pizza lunch.

11. Home preschool co-op: Really a glorified playgroup and the only time you interact with other adults. Someone’s kid is always screaming. You feel superior when it is not yours (must have been those breakfast blueberries), and you make up excuses when it is (“Timmy is teething”, “June has separation anxiety”).

12. Natural immunity-building: Yep, your 6-month-old just found a cheerio on the floor. The microbes are good for her, even if the refined-carb-gluten-ridden-franken-food isn’t.

13. Demand feeding: She’s crying? Give her the boob. The boob has magical powers.

14. Repurposing: You forgot to throw away that last Amazon box and now your toddler thinks it is a toy.

15. Cloth-diapering: You know what? Those real crunchies can have cloth diapering all to themselves.

Next time a hippie supermom invites you to a chicken pox party, or gives you a kumbacha starter, you can smile with dignity, knowing you’re not the only pseudo-crunchy mom out there.

Comments

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    • 2

      says

      Its an all natural mom….where they are all about sensory, ridiculously extended breastfeeding, rear facing in the car seat till 50#, all natural homemade baby food, cloth diapering, baby wearing, co sleeping……..that sort of thing

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      • 3

        Beth says

        SO that’s why I’ve been called a ‘crunchy mom’! I always said I was a lazy mom…taught my kids to do stuff for themselves so I wouldn’t have to (ok, so knowing fully well that they needed those skills and plenty of practice in order to be fully functioning members of society-which they are). I breastfed because when I was 6 I was washing my baby sister’s baby bottles and thought “there must be a better way to feed babies”. I wore them because it was easier than rocking them & I got stuff done. They also learned that they weren’t the centre of the universe.

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    • 5

      says

      I’m crunchy too……we do honest company diapering, no GMOs ever, all natural foods always, no vaccines….. I wish he was still breastfeeding but that wasn’t in the cards for me so at 4 Months I had to do formula.

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      • 6

        Kylie says

        As the Aunt of a child who suffered congenital Rubella syndrome, I highly recommend you read this. Some women like my sister had previously had perfect levels of protection less then 12 months prior to pregnancy but at the point of contact with an un-vaccinated 7 year old with rubella in a doctors surgery waiting room (while waiting for a maternity health check) she contracted rubella. Her son was born deaf, with serious brain damage and fluid on the brain, he has severe intellectual impairment and a life which his mother had never wished upon him. Your choices do affect others. She had been tested prior to conceiving and did not require a booster.

        Rubella is a viral illness that causes a skin rash and joint pain. For most people, a rubella infection is mild, but it is very dangerous in pregnant women. Rubella can cause death or birth defects in an unborn baby (foetus). Sometimes, rubella is still referred to as German measles. In Victoria, free immunisation against rubella is available for children and for women who are not immune and are planning a pregnancy (or have just given birth).

        http://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/bhcv2/bhcarticles.nsf/pages/Rubella

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    • 7

      says

      I don’t see extended breastfeeding as ridiculous. It helped my toddlers get over illnesses much faster and made very scary situations easier for them to cope. Boobs really have magical powers. My children were rear faced till they were 3 and 5. Not because I was a hippie, but because it was safer for them and their fragile bodies. If taking my kids safety seriously makes me a crazy hippie so be it..

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        • 14

          AnneMarie says

          Yes, it IS my business as to whether or not someone vaccinates their children. As someone who works with immunosuppressed children who, for various medical reasons CANNOT have vaccines, a child who has not been vaccinated and comes in contact with said immunosuppressed child greatly increases the risk that the immunosuppressed child will contract an illness that they cannot fight effectively. I have known immunosuppressed children who have missed over a month of school due to contracting the flu from non-vaccinated children. So yes, it is my business if your child has not been vaccinated. Your child is not an island so please respect the health of those around you.

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    • 16

      says

      With you on the vaccines. First world problems for sure, but we are free to make our own decisions. I know it’s something that is being debated (at least in my local) for public schools not allowing unvaccinated kids. Perhaps though the parents that don’t are also more likely to homeschool which is completely a choice. Hopefully there little sweeties remain healthy.

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    • 19

      says

      That’s a choice of hers. If a child is unvaccinated why would a parent of a vaccinated child not want them around? If your child is vaccinated your child should be fine, right?! I think as mothers and women we shouldn’t look down on others because someone else has a different view on things. Just my opinion.

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      • 20

        Katherine says

        Nope. Just because your child is vaccinated does not mean she will 100% not get sick if exposed. Most kids are mostly covered and if ALL kids are vaccinated then that “mostly” times “mostly” becomes safe. Enter a sick kid and “mostly” times “mostly” becomes “a few more sick kids”.

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      • 21

        Allie says

        Nope. Due to people skipping vaccinations rather than being something like 99% effective vaccinations like whopping cough are I believe only 80% effective. So someone’s choice not to vaccinate can hurt other peoples children not just their own child.

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        • 22

          Kristi says

          Actually, the vaccines are becoming less effective because the diseases they’re designed to prevent are mutating. Has nothing to do with herd immunity or people choosing not to vaccinate their children.

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      • 23

        Kylie says

        As the Aunt of a child who suffered congenital Rubella syndrome, I highly recommend you read this. Some women like my sister had previously had perfect levels of protection less then 12 months prior to pregnancy but at the point of contact with an un-vaccinated 7 year old with rubella in a doctors surgery waiting room (while waiting for a maternity health check) she contracted rubella. Her son was born deaf, with serious brain damage and fluid on the brain, he has severe intellectual impairment and a life which his mother had never wished upon him. Your choices do affect others. She had been tested prior to conceiving and did not require a booster.

        Rubella is a viral illness that causes a skin rash and joint pain. For most people, a rubella infection is mild, but it is very dangerous in pregnant women. Rubella can cause death or birth defects in an unborn baby (foetus). Sometimes, rubella is still referred to as German measles. In Victoria, free immunisation against rubella is available for children and for women who are not immune and are planning a pregnancy (or have just given birth).

        http://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/bhcv2/bhcarticles.nsf/pages/Rubella
        – See more at: http://www.scarymommy.com/15-buzzwords-pseudo-crunchy-mom/#comment-921760

        Show Replies
    • 25

      says

      We really need to stop the mom wars, scantimoms, and name calling for those who do things different from you. Instead of name calling and jumping on the “You hippies are crazy” bandwagon. Go chat with some of these so called hippie families. They are some of the most down to earth caring people I have met. Some are more extreme then others but they are sweet people. I say focus on raising your family the best you can, love your children, teach them kindness. If you do this, I won’t have time to put other parents under a microscope.

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    • 26

      says

      What about your kid not being vaccinated, who goes to school with my older vaccinated child but then my child acts as a carrier to my youngest who is not old enough to be vaccinated yet? It’s not that simple. Quit being stupid and vaccinate your kids. There are a million doctors who say to do it, there was ONE who said you shouldn’t, and that person has since lost their license to practice and all validity… VACCINATE. I don’t care if you breast feed til your kid is a teenager, or formula feed since birth without trying to breast feed, I don’t care if you co sleep until they’re 20 but VACCINATE YOUR DAMN KIDS!

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    • 27

      says

      One thing, I’m not worried about moms who don’t vaccinate around my children. I’m not. What I am worried about is parents on the road who text/call while driving putting millions of families at risk every day. I worry about our education system not preparing children with the tools they need to compete on a global scale. I worried about parents who are to absorbed in their life to teach their kids basic skills like kindness and compassion. Those are my worries.

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    • 28

      says

      No vaccine is 100% effective. There will always be some people who are not immune, even though they have had their shots. This small minority will be protected as long as people around them are immunized. This is why the “if your child is vaccinated then why are you afraid of my anvaxxed kid” argument is dangerous. Not to mention that these parents are insane for risking their own child’s lives by not vaccinating. It’s simply irresponsible to not vaccinate, and any parent whose child dies of a preventable disease should be charged with child murder. I’m all for being crunchy but when you are risking your own child’s and other people’s lives, you are just insane.

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      • 29

        Alice says

        Any parent who uses the “your unvaccinated kid could get my vaccinated kid sick” argument better get his/her ass to the doctors and have his/her boosters ASAP. The only thing that gives you lifelong immunity is actually getting the disease.

        Vaccinations are said to only last 7 or so years. So sorry. By your own logic, you’re just as big of a “threat” to your own kid.

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        • 30

          Katherine says

          Some vaccines do offer a lifetime of protection to most people. Some need boosters. No vaccine is 100 % effective without the herd being vaccinated. Being unvaccinated is a threat to the people around you. This isn’t a judgement, or a put-down. You can still choose not to vaccinate. But make that choice knowing that you put your own family and all the people you interact with at risk.

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      • 31

        April says

        I caught a pretty bad case of measles when I was younger. I was vaccinated, but apparently I was one of the lucky ones it didn’t work for. One of my un-vaccinated classmates had passed it onto me, making me very sick in the process.
        Vaccinate your kids… Not only for your own children’s safety, but the safety of others.

        Show Replies
      • 32

        Kylie says

        As the Aunt of a child who suffered congenital Rubella syndrome, I highly recommend you read this. Some women like my sister had previously had perfect levels of protection less then 12 months prior to pregnancy but at the point of contact with an un-vaccinated 7 year old with rubella in a doctors surgery waiting room (while waiting for a maternity health check) she contracted rubella. Her son was born deaf, with serious brain damage and fluid on the brain, he has severe intellectual impairment and a life which his mother had never wished upon him. Your choices do affect others. She had been tested prior to conceiving and did not require a booster.

        Rubella is a viral illness that causes a skin rash and joint pain. For most people, a rubella infection is mild, but it is very dangerous in pregnant women. Rubella can cause death or birth defects in an unborn baby (foetus). Sometimes, rubella is still referred to as German measles. In Victoria, free immunisation against rubella is available for children and for women who are not immune and are planning a pregnancy (or have just given birth).

        http://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/bhcv2/bhcarticles.nsf/pages/Rubella
        – See more at: http://www.scarymommy.com/15-buzzwords-pseudo-crunchy-mom/#comment-921760

        Show Replies

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