15 Buzzwords for the Pseudo-Crunchy Mom

162 Comments

little-baby-teeth

Some women intend to be crunchy-mommas, while others just fall into it because it works. I find myself in the latter category. If you’re like me, you nod your head when other parents use certain buzzwords, but for an entirely different reason than a truly crunchy mom would:

1. Baby wearing: You’re too lazy to set up the double stroller, so you put your toddler in the umbrella push-chair, cram your baby into a Bjorn and call it a day.

2. Baby-led weaning: You can’t be bothered to purée vegetables.

3. Co-sleeping: You won’t train the younger baby to sleep on her own because your two-year-old is easily disturbed by noise and wouldn’t tolerate cry-it-out from his sister.

4. Sensory box: A giant tupperware filled with dried foods that seemed like a great idea on Pinterest. Rogue lentils from said box will hide themselves in the nooks and crannies of your home until the nuclear apocalypse, wherein they’ll be the foodstuffs for cockroaches long after the human race ceases to exist.

5. Water table: Actually a bird bath that came with your house.

6. Extended breast feeding: Baby has created a wicked sleep association with your nipples…see #3.

7. Free play: It is raining. They’ve already watched more TV than you want to admit. Let’s see what they can do with the tubing from your breast pump, a funnel, and an old calculator.

8. Child-led play: Aka “mommy doesn’t feel like entertaining you right now”.

9. Recycling: Hand-me-downs are the only way to keep your children clothed since every gift you got was for a 0-3 month-old infant and your gigantic sumo-babies outgrew them the day after you came home from the hospital. So what if your little girl’s shirt sports a green dump truck? She’s only going to cover it with food anyway…see #2.

10. Instagram: A site where you post pictures of your toddler’s avocado/blueberry/free-range-egg breakfast, but not his shortbread/juicebox/leftover-pizza lunch.

11. Home preschool co-op: Really a glorified playgroup and the only time you interact with other adults. Someone’s kid is always screaming. You feel superior when it is not yours (must have been those breakfast blueberries), and you make up excuses when it is (“Timmy is teething”, “June has separation anxiety”).

12. Natural immunity-building: Yep, your 6-month-old just found a cheerio on the floor. The microbes are good for her, even if the refined-carb-gluten-ridden-franken-food isn’t.

13. Demand feeding: She’s crying? Give her the boob. The boob has magical powers.

14. Repurposing: You forgot to throw away that last Amazon box and now your toddler thinks it is a toy.

15. Cloth-diapering: You know what? Those real crunchies can have cloth diapering all to themselves.

Next time a hippie supermom invites you to a chicken pox party, or gives you a kumbacha starter, you can smile with dignity, knowing you’re not the only pseudo-crunchy mom out there.

Comments

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    • 2

      says

      Its an all natural mom….where they are all about sensory, ridiculously extended breastfeeding, rear facing in the car seat till 50#, all natural homemade baby food, cloth diapering, baby wearing, co sleeping……..that sort of thing

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      • 3

        Beth says

        SO that’s why I’ve been called a ‘crunchy mom’! I always said I was a lazy mom…taught my kids to do stuff for themselves so I wouldn’t have to (ok, so knowing fully well that they needed those skills and plenty of practice in order to be fully functioning members of society-which they are). I breastfed because when I was 6 I was washing my baby sister’s baby bottles and thought “there must be a better way to feed babies”. I wore them because it was easier than rocking them & I got stuff done. They also learned that they weren’t the centre of the universe.

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    • 5

      says

      I’m crunchy too……we do honest company diapering, no GMOs ever, all natural foods always, no vaccines….. I wish he was still breastfeeding but that wasn’t in the cards for me so at 4 Months I had to do formula.

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    • 6

      says

      I don’t see extended breastfeeding as ridiculous. It helped my toddlers get over illnesses much faster and made very scary situations easier for them to cope. Boobs really have magical powers. My children were rear faced till they were 3 and 5. Not because I was a hippie, but because it was safer for them and their fragile bodies. If taking my kids safety seriously makes me a crazy hippie so be it..

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        • 12

          AnneMarie says

          Yes, it IS my business as to whether or not someone vaccinates their children. As someone who works with immunosuppressed children who, for various medical reasons CANNOT have vaccines, a child who has not been vaccinated and comes in contact with said immunosuppressed child greatly increases the risk that the immunosuppressed child will contract an illness that they cannot fight effectively. I have known immunosuppressed children who have missed over a month of school due to contracting the flu from non-vaccinated children. So yes, it is my business if your child has not been vaccinated. Your child is not an island so please respect the health of those around you.

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    • 14

      says

      With you on the vaccines. First world problems for sure, but we are free to make our own decisions. I know it’s something that is being debated (at least in my local) for public schools not allowing unvaccinated kids. Perhaps though the parents that don’t are also more likely to homeschool which is completely a choice. Hopefully there little sweeties remain healthy.

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    • 17

      says

      That’s a choice of hers. If a child is unvaccinated why would a parent of a vaccinated child not want them around? If your child is vaccinated your child should be fine, right?! I think as mothers and women we shouldn’t look down on others because someone else has a different view on things. Just my opinion.

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      • 18

        Katherine says

        Nope. Just because your child is vaccinated does not mean she will 100% not get sick if exposed. Most kids are mostly covered and if ALL kids are vaccinated then that “mostly” times “mostly” becomes safe. Enter a sick kid and “mostly” times “mostly” becomes “a few more sick kids”.

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      • 19

        Allie says

        Nope. Due to people skipping vaccinations rather than being something like 99% effective vaccinations like whopping cough are I believe only 80% effective. So someone’s choice not to vaccinate can hurt other peoples children not just their own child.

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        • 20

          Kristi says

          Actually, the vaccines are becoming less effective because the diseases they’re designed to prevent are mutating. Has nothing to do with herd immunity or people choosing not to vaccinate their children.

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    • 22

      says

      We really need to stop the mom wars, scantimoms, and name calling for those who do things different from you. Instead of name calling and jumping on the “You hippies are crazy” bandwagon. Go chat with some of these so called hippie families. They are some of the most down to earth caring people I have met. Some are more extreme then others but they are sweet people. I say focus on raising your family the best you can, love your children, teach them kindness. If you do this, I won’t have time to put other parents under a microscope.

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    • 23

      says

      What about your kid not being vaccinated, who goes to school with my older vaccinated child but then my child acts as a carrier to my youngest who is not old enough to be vaccinated yet? It’s not that simple. Quit being stupid and vaccinate your kids. There are a million doctors who say to do it, there was ONE who said you shouldn’t, and that person has since lost their license to practice and all validity… VACCINATE. I don’t care if you breast feed til your kid is a teenager, or formula feed since birth without trying to breast feed, I don’t care if you co sleep until they’re 20 but VACCINATE YOUR DAMN KIDS!

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    • 24

      says

      One thing, I’m not worried about moms who don’t vaccinate around my children. I’m not. What I am worried about is parents on the road who text/call while driving putting millions of families at risk every day. I worry about our education system not preparing children with the tools they need to compete on a global scale. I worried about parents who are to absorbed in their life to teach their kids basic skills like kindness and compassion. Those are my worries.

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    • 25

      says

      No vaccine is 100% effective. There will always be some people who are not immune, even though they have had their shots. This small minority will be protected as long as people around them are immunized. This is why the “if your child is vaccinated then why are you afraid of my anvaxxed kid” argument is dangerous. Not to mention that these parents are insane for risking their own child’s lives by not vaccinating. It’s simply irresponsible to not vaccinate, and any parent whose child dies of a preventable disease should be charged with child murder. I’m all for being crunchy but when you are risking your own child’s and other people’s lives, you are just insane.

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      • 26

        Alice says

        Any parent who uses the “your unvaccinated kid could get my vaccinated kid sick” argument better get his/her ass to the doctors and have his/her boosters ASAP. The only thing that gives you lifelong immunity is actually getting the disease.

        Vaccinations are said to only last 7 or so years. So sorry. By your own logic, you’re just as big of a “threat” to your own kid.

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        • 27

          Katherine says

          Some vaccines do offer a lifetime of protection to most people. Some need boosters. No vaccine is 100 % effective without the herd being vaccinated. Being unvaccinated is a threat to the people around you. This isn’t a judgement, or a put-down. You can still choose not to vaccinate. But make that choice knowing that you put your own family and all the people you interact with at risk.

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  1. 40

    says

    I’m a “crunchy,” granola mom or whatever people call us “hippies”. I hope this article is sarcasm and not poking fun at moms who make the choice to raise our kids away from mainstream society. I baby wear, cloth diaper, baby lead weaning, homeschool etc etc because it works for our family and I enjoy it.

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    • 51

      says

      We vaccinate too but if my kid is vaccinated then they are okay and protected! It’s the ones who choose not to that are at risk. I’ve had to learn to just let mamas do what they feel is right and not judge them. It’s their own risk they are taking but I totally agree with you and vaccinations.

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    • 55

      says

      Chelsea, you should look up herd immunity. Not vaccinating puts everyone at risk. And some kids don’t have a choice. Immuno-suppressed children and children with allergies don’t choose not to get vaccinated. They can’t. Those are the kids put at risk.

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    • 57

      says

      My son was in the niccu and a non vaxx family’s dad entered the nicu 5x (lying on the intake form) that he didn’t have chicken pox when he did and exposed 65 poor little babies including my son those babies didn’t have a choice and had no immunity against this bc of this mans choice to not protect himself or family..

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    • 58

      says

      I hear ya. I think this is one issue where pseudo-crunchy moms and crunchy moms differentiate. At least that’s what I’ve experienced in my mom social life, I’m so happy someone finally invented a term for me :):) yes I breastfeed, but I also vaccinate on schedule. Yes I wanted a water birth at home when I was low risk, but the second I became high risk I went to the hospital gladly.

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    • 59

      says

      I really do not understand how people cannot get their children vaccinated? Why take that risk? Just because idiot Jenny McCarthy said it was bad and then years later “oh, my bad… I was wrong!”
      Day cares and schools where I live will NOT take your child if they are not up to date with vaccinations, as well as every doctors office I toured when i was preggers with my first. I was 13 when i got chickenpox from the kids I babysat… Bunch of my friend came over to get it too, only my brother got them, he was 17 & it was BAD! I think I was past the contagious phase when my friends came to visit.

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    • 64

      says

      Okay all I was saying is let moms do what they feel is right. I’m all for vaccinations if somehow you read over that and I think it’s terrible it compromises other children but I’m not going to start mommy wars with my friends or even moms I’m aquatinted with over it. It’s not worth it to me. It sucks children are getting sick with these crazy diseases again and that children with low immune systems are more subsetable to getting sick but just like they can’t tell us to not vaccinate we can’t tell them to vaccinate especially if everyone has done their research and feels comfortable with their decisions.

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  2. 82

    says

    I say to each his/her own. Parents do what they feel is right for their kids. I’m by no means a “crunchy” mom, but that’s just what I feel is best for my kids. As long as “crunchies” don’t criticize my parenting style and turn into a “preaching crunchy,” all’s good with me. The only thing I don’t understand is the no sunscreen practice. My cousin does this and has sunburnt kids all the time. Drives me NUTS!

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    • 83

      says

      I’m very crunchy and my kids get sun 10 minutes a day without it but afterwards we use Virgin coconut oil and badger balm. My kiddos are very pale and will burn. Coconut oil works as a natural sun protector with no chemicals. But like I said before, to each their own. People think I’m crazy for the way I raise my kiddos.

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    • 85

      says

      I don’t think it’s crazy; I just hate seeing a child with sunburn. She takes her kids to festivals and such for hours in the hot sun. She claims she uses coconut oil, but her 3 fair-skinned kids (all under age 4) are ALWAYS burned, itching and in pretty obvious discomfort. I sent her an article about how sunburns increase the chance of skin cancer and she flat-out said “The sun doesn’t cause skin cancer” … I gave up at that point … lol.

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      • 86

        Angusmummy says

        Tell your cousin to have a chat with an Australian. We’ll tell her all about how the sun can give you cancer. Google melanoma for a start! Those poor kids.

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