Having a baby is the most exhausting thing I’ve ever done. That’s because babies hate to sleep, which ends up making you feel like they actually hate you. They must hate you. In the quick snatches of sleep that I managed to grab when my babies were tiny, I would even dream about sleep. Long, luxurious hours of uninterrupted sleep. And then I would be jolted awake again by a squirming, squeaking little bundle of needs and sometimes cry because I wanted it so much.
I specifically remember those first times that my kids slept through the night. Waking up rested for the first time in months caused an instant mixture of a million different emotions. Because I had been longing, wishing, and even dreaming about sleeping through the night for months and months, it started out with me feeling complete and utter confusion.
And then the pure joy when you realize what just happened.
You calculate the hours that you slept like you are the guy in A Beautiful Mind. The hours. The minutes. The seconds. All of those wonderful moments of sleep were just yours.
It all becomes too much for you to handle.
But because you aren’t used to feeling all this joy, it feels like something bad is probably going to happen at any moment.
And then the really terrifying part comes when you think, ohmygod are they okay?
You run into their room, peering over them.
They’re okay. You’re so relieved. And rested. So rested.
But if you’re breastfeeding, your boobs have just realized that they are just as confused as you are.
All in all, the feelings are mixed and confusing. You’re not used to sleep, so you don’t really know what to do with yourself. But it does feel wonderful and you will do just about anything to make it keep happening. You realize the deep love and affection you feel for, well, your bed actually.
To all of you who are saying that you don’t have any idea how this all feels, because your baby is still not sleeping.
And you are still living in this basic state:
And you are looking at us all like this for even bragging about our babies sleeping through the night.
Don’t worry, it’ll happen.