I am the farthest thing from a stage mom. I let Lily go to school in some incredibly questionable outfits that she's picked out herself. I barely brush her hair and never do anything fancier than a sloppy pony tail (poor girl has a mom who never learned how to braid.) Toddlers with earrings make me cringe and I would rather eat blindfolded at a Chinese buffet than enter her in a beauty pageant. But, there is one feature of hers that I am dying to groom.
Girl's got some serious eyebrows. It is something she has unfortunately inherited from both Jeff and I. I can't even imagine what they will look like when she hits puberty (actually I can, I remember mine, and it wasn't pretty.) I am dying to get my hands on them and clean them up. I've decided 10 is an acceptable age to introduce my trusty Tweezerman, but it is going to be torture to wait that long.
Girl's got some serious eyebrows. It is something she has unfortunately inherited from both Jeff and I. I can't even imagine what they will look like when she hits puberty (actually I can, I remember mine, and it wasn't pretty.) I am dying to get my hands on them and clean them up. I've decided 10 is an acceptable age to introduce my trusty Tweezerman, but it is going to be torture to wait that long.
I have issues with the baby too... Evan was born with a beautiful thick head of dark hair. Last week it started falling out and has now left him half bald. That wouldn't be so bad if some pieces weren't almost a foot long already. It has resulted in a very unfortunate baby comb over, in addition to the major bald spot in the back. I am so tempted to give him a little baby trim, but have thus far resisted. Is 4 months really too early for a haircut?
And it doesn't end there. Ben has bumpy arms that I'm just dying to exfoliate. Evan has the occasional baby whitehead that simply begs to be popped. I use q-tips to clean their ears (Yes, Dad, I remember the rule, sorry) and let's not even talk about cradle cap. I just can't help myself.
As I write this, my hair is slathered in an olive oil/egg yolk mixture (really the best remedy for dry hair) and my face is covered in a moisturizing mask. And while I think nothing of leaving the house in an old painting t-shirt and yoga pants, I would never let my eye brows go ungroomed. I realize it doesn't make too much sense. Clearly, Mommy has some issues and I am surely passing them on to my innocent offspring.
What else is a good mother to do?
11 people who actually care:
Remember the crock pot incident and your promise to just let the food cook. The same goes for your kids. Don't mess with their looks. They are kids and they are just fine. You remember all of the things you learned from me, like never anything smaller than your elbow in your ear, and do not ever use my toothbrush. They will remember too. Leave them be. End of story.
Father D.
Bean, I'm laughing so hard at this one I'm crying (and of course snorting).
Sorry. I started tweezing Grant's brows before he was a year old. He liked it for a while, and would ask me to do it. No harm? No foul.
But at about age 3 he started getting all fiesty about it and won't let me do it anymore.
I beg. I plead. I bribe. I coherce. Josh tells me to leave him alone. Apparently I need to produce the picture of him at age 13 with a catepillar on his face to convince him to HELP ME HOLD THE KID DOWN ALREADY!!!
He'll be shaving and back waxing by age 10.
Danielle, I knew we were friends for a reason.
And Jess, you are one of the few people who can really appreciate this post :)
And, Dad... Do you remember me at 13? I would have greatly appreciated some help.
And I think we will have a braiding lesson when I visit. Can't believe you didn't learn that at Chimney Corners.
Oh this is funny. It's so hard to keep up with the kid's long fingernails and all their awkward everything.
There's always waxing! Just kidding.
Finally another mother who can't fix hair! I learned to braid when Sara was about 12 years old, I think...still can't do it right. That's why I'm the mom with the short hair!
Forget the tweezers...they are so cute the way they are.
You’re crazy, and I love you for it. Probably more so! And don’t blame me for Evan’s male pattern baldness. Isn’t that supposed to be inherited from your mother’s father?
My grandmother used to pluck my eyebrows when i was little. So i say go for it with Lily. I completely understand all your issues...but the olive oil/egg thing for your hair just sounds really gross. I hate eggs!
Have fun at the beach.
Colby
Jill, I distinctly remember the first time you used your tweezers to help me tackle my disastrous (nearly Dukakis-esque) eyebrows on the fist floor of Ruby...life changing moment, truth be told. AP
I feel badly for Lily because once she agrees to you tweezing, you will do it obsessively EVERY day. Lets go back to the days when you started shaving your legs...you were so excited that you were ready to shave everyone's legs in our 6th grade class...i think that included the boys too! I also remember you shaving the skin off on one of your legs.
yana
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