The first thing I do at any party is look for the dog. They make me happy and comfortable and I’m always looking for an excuse not to have to talk to actual humans.
The fact is there’s nothing like the pure, unconditional love of dogs. They’re always excited to see us and they go out of their way to cheer us up when we feel down. If it were up to them, they’d follow us everywhere.
And luckily the funny people of Twitter are just as obsessed with dogs as we are. Because there are two kinds of people: Dog people and people who are wrong.
It's so weird how people who don't like dogs are always shitheads.
— Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) May 16, 2013
We would do anything for our dogs:
he's scared of the fireworks so my mom put on some dog videos for him ❤️ pic.twitter.com/VTjYa6YIcK
— emily (@spaghemily) July 5, 2016
me: i would die for you
— emily angelica (@existentiaIly) September 1, 2016
Sometimes we even treat them as if they were our own kids:
Guys my mom just tucked my dog in for his afternoon nap and I am dying pic.twitter.com/0b3zGHR1u2
— Vaishnavi Prasad (@livetimefe) November 12, 2017
We occasionally put on the TV for them so they won’t get bored:
Hi, I spend 3 minutes every day choosing a TV channel to leave on for my dog, then I go to work and people take me seriously as an adult.
— Damien Fahey (@DamienFahey) November 4, 2014
We take all their needs very seriously:
There's a mattress store that gives you a mattress for your dog when you buy a normal one. pic.twitter.com/4aOzmSGoGp
— Ferdanko (@623fer) July 9, 2017
And yes, sometimes we dress them up:
Bad news: I accidentally washed a nice wool shirt that I really loved and it shrunk a LOT
Good news: pic.twitter.com/bPN6uji4ws
— alex tumay (@alextumay) October 24, 2017
…and take photoshoots:
I'M AT THIS PUMPKIN PATCH IN CULVER CITY AND THIS GUY IS TRULY HAVING A FULL ON PHOTOSHOOT WITH HIS DOG pic.twitter.com/JNXABZ7HaV
— Victoria Aycock (@victoriaaycock) October 16, 2016
We can even get a little weird and competitive about it:
Sorry I wasn't listening when you were talking about your dog. I was busy looking in my phone for a picture of my superior dog.
— Mike Primavera (@primawesome) January 25, 2015
Some of us love them a little too much:
My mom dressed up as my dog noooooo pic.twitter.com/ScP43uIL67
— Zoë Baumann (@zoebaumann_) November 1, 2016
But our dogs always know they’re adored:
When ur human says "who's a good boy" and u already know it's u pic.twitter.com/Iv9mFqAnyB
— meg (@megalot_) October 23, 2016
OK, they are straight-up spoiled:
I was trying to enjoy a nice bath but… pic.twitter.com/hzjaBNLzvL
— hails (@hbarinsky) May 17, 2016
We genuinely enjoy hanging out with them:
"We'd be rich if you just said one fucking word"
– me, drunk, talking to my dog
— Josh (@iwearaonesie) November 5, 2015
And we’d take them everywhere if we could:
This guy got on the bus and just stared at me and Lulabelle on my lap for a solid 30 seconds then goes “are you allowed to have dogs on the bus” and I just shrugged thinking he was gonna give me shit or something but then he pulls out a chihuahua out of nowhere
— A (@mogvvai) November 14, 2017
Dogs can complicate things when it comes to dating:
I know it's only our second date, Susan, and maybe I'm moving too fast, but I'd like to buy your dog.
— Jason (@longwall26) December 13, 2014
As well as long-term romantic relationships:
In 34 years I've said I love you to two women and every dog I've ever seen.
— Matt Monroe (@heymonroe) April 1, 2016
We even like other people’s dogs:
*backflips out of bushes*
can I pet your dog
— Mary Charlene (@IamEnidColeslaw) March 18, 2015
Especially when we’re avoiding people:
I bet dogs at parties get tired of being singled out by socially awkward humans.
— Ughhhlexa 🐼 (@TheWoodenslurpy) September 12, 2015
And occasionally we’ll even make contact with strangers for the sake of meeting a new dog:
My life is a constant battle of wanting to pet a dog and not wanting to talk to its owner.
— Lindsay (@Rollinintheseat) January 23, 2016
And we legit worry about dogs without their humans:
[me when I see a dog walking alone without a leash] exactly who is representing you my lad
— s n a t ch a d a m s (@hellohappy_time) November 4, 2017
Because at the end of the day, dogs want our love as much as we want to give it:
did…did he make the sign? pic.twitter.com/XXmuHfTIoA
— Anthony Oliveira (@meakoopa) September 22, 2016
Let’s face it, dogs are more enjoyable to hang out with than people. They’re so loving and sweet and they don’t care that your life is a mess.
Unlike asshole cats, that sit around silently judging everyone.