Since forever, women have been depicted for years as the weaker sex: More emotional, dumber, and not funny. (Even though the women I know in real life are strong, sensible, smart, and hilarious.)
Women have always been paid less. We still are. (Another day, another 77 cents, amiright, ladies?)
We’re constantly fighting for rights over our own bodies. The majority of us have been sexually harassed or assaulted. Not to mention the fact that our uteruses are more regulated than guns. There is a self-proclaimed pussy grabber in the white house, FFS.
But it’s 2018 and women have no more patience left for bullshit. And we’re done apologizing.
So here are some hilarious tweets you’ll relate to if you’re a woman. Especially if you’re a woman with zero chill left.
Starting with the essentials:
ITEMS EVERY WOMAN SHOULD OWN:
-Little Black Dress
-Strappy s- ok now that the men have stopped reading, we revolt at dawn.
— Anna Fitzpatrick (@bananafitz) May 4, 2016
And the nonessentials:
Damn boy, are you a bra? Because you make me uncomfortable but society has brainwashed me into thinking I need you
— Audrey Porne (@AudreyPorne) October 2, 2015
And the nonessentials that some women think are essential:
If you're not a woman who's laughing while doing yoga, your life is empty & meaningless. pic.twitter.com/qsRgAKCWlE
— Kashana (@kashanacauley) September 29, 2015
Then men want us to wear makeup, but not too much:
"when women wear makeup they're basically lying to us"
i dont see why i’m being blamed for a man stupid enough to think i have gold eyelids
— no (@tbhjuststop) September 22, 2014
And our skin needs to be perfect, when they couldn’t care less about their own:
Why is skin care seen as girly & feminine…it’s literally skin…like do u love being crusty
— aylin (@tinypimpcess) March 4, 2017
In fact, men’s products are a whole other mystery:
Women's deodorant scents: rose, cotton, spring, meadow
Men's: WINTER ICE, SHARKNADO, GLACIER PUNCH, ANTIFREEZE, GUN
— Sophie Gadd (@sophie_gadd) December 1, 2014
God forbid anyone ever get the men’s and women’s products confused:
I have accidentally used mens moisturiser on my hands & now I can't shake the urge to write tweets correcting women online
— lucy valentine (@LucyXIV) January 1, 2016
But there’s a lot about women that men don’t understand:
men: women are very hard to read
women: actually, we just want-
men: such complex creatures
women: if u just liste-
men: so mysterious
— Sassy (@ugh) October 26, 2016
Even the ones with man-buns:
Man-bun Ken thinks having a mother makes him a feminist pic.twitter.com/mW5tOavC6G
— Ziwe (@ziwe) June 20, 2017
And some men couldn’t be more clueless about what women want:
A cat-caller just said he wants to get "all up in my business" which is great because my taxes are complicated and I could use the help.
— Alison Leiby (@AlisonLeiby) April 21, 2015
When all we really want is a level playing field.
If it's so normal and well-intended, why don't men tell other men to smile?
— Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) October 31, 2014
If only there were a word for that…
Whenever a woman tweets about feminism. pic.twitter.com/DkLvkFQa27
— OhNoSheTwitnt (@OhNoSheTwitnt) June 16, 2017
Oh, I know what you’re thinking:
"Feminism? no thanks, i prefer gender equality"
Water? no thanks, i prefer H2O
— Little Miss Classy (@MissRedKisss) March 6, 2015
But people have so much animosity about the word feminism, maybe we need a new one:
Idk I think feminism should be called something different like common sense or something
— tina (@tinatbh) July 5, 2014
Because it should be considered common sense to want the same rights as men:
I'll have what HE'S having!
(higher pay, right to make choices about my body, ability to walk down a street at night without fear…)
— Frankie Zelnick (@phranqueigh) March 17, 2017
Because the double standards are getting a little old:
Guy: hey your bra strap is showing
Same guy: *pulls dick out to pee on the road*
— NRK (@PWNeha) December 4, 2016
Not to mention the unrealistic expectations:
Men: I want a girl who can drink as many beers as me & orders a burger & fries instead of salad
Also men: She can't be fat tho lol
— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) October 2, 2016
In fact, new rule:
If you're a male pundit critiquing a woman's weight you should have to do it shirtless in front of an audience of women three rosés deep
— , like, really (@morninggloria) September 29, 2016
OK, two new rules:
20 Things That Women Should Stop Wearing After The Age of 30
1-20: The weight of other people's expectations & judgments
— maura "are jack and biz nazis?" quint (@behindyourback) June 3, 2015
Because it doesn’t matter:
We asked 500 men what they look for in a woman and then set them adrift on a raft screaming, because just kidding who cares
— audrey farnsworth (@audipenny) October 1, 2015
And we don’t give a shit how they feel about our birth control either:
100% of women don't fucking care https://t.co/Lb0KSBcfb9
— jhonuary (@dearjhonletter) March 22, 2017
(For the record, this is how women feel about our birth control:)
Birth control pills are like cute little advent calendars for a really shitty holiday.
— JennyPentland (@JennyPentland) April 18, 2013
We’re done being polite and overly apologetic:
Me in 2015: Oh, I shouldn't argue politics online, I don't want to step on toes.
Me in 2017: AND TELL YOUR GRANDMA SHE'S A RACIST BITCH!
— Kim Schwan (@KimSchwan) October 9, 2017
If anything, we’re a little drunk with power:
i’m just a girl, standing in front of a boy, blocking his path on purpose and making him squeeze past me, in a display of dominance
— Bec Shaw (@Brocklesnitch) June 11, 2015
So 2018 better get ready, because women are over it, and ready to grab back.