What do stay at home moms do all day, you ask? Aside from raising kids, cleaning, and doing laundry that never actually gets done, sometimes we poke around on the Internet. And by poke, I mean waste endless hours…
1. Booking Front Row Seats to Facebook Fights: Nothing breaks up the day like a good old fashioned Facebook fight (that doesn’t involve me). I know I should be appalled that people I know are airing their dirty laundry on the Internet like a smiling mom in a Tide commercial. I just can’t be. I’ll pop a bottle of wine and refresh that page 100 times if it means I get to be privy to some fighting that doesn’t involve trying to wrangle socks onto a toddler. There’s a lot of monotony that comes with being home all day, so pass the popcorn, Aunt Sally just told your little cousin she looks like a ho in her 14th selfie of the day.
2. Scrolling the Virtual Aisles of Amazon: How did we live before online shopping? People actually got dressed and went to a physical store and had to choose from whatever was there? Not anymore! Say you need a new pen. Well, Amazon has 438,801 options for you, ranging from fairly priced to “Second Mortgage.”
3. Reading the Comment Sections (AKA Douchebag Area): There isn’t enough breath in my body to describe how utterly despicable some people can be in the comment sections of, well, anything. Posting anything from a picture of your child to a highly researched article all become fodder for the assholes and know-it-alls of the world. Once you scroll down far enough under a blog post or article, a world of brain/butt hurt opens up. You’ll flip back and forth from, “Is anyone really that stupid?” to, “I can’t believe someone would say that,” faster than a teenage mood swing.
4. Getting Lost in Random Instagram Accounts: Be it celebrity or otherwise, you can get lost on Instagram. You’re searching a hash tag and somehow get swallowed into an abyss of selfies and cat pictures and an hour later you lift your head and realize you know every outfit that Kim Kardashian wore in the last 3 years and who designed it.
5. Examining the Leavings of Advice Trolls: Be it blog or Facebook or any venue with a comment section, you will surely find that one person who can make it all better. Post “Omg I just hit a squirrel with my car!!!” and someone will tell you what Natural Oils will revive the squirrel while simultaneously buffing the scratch from your bumper. Three people will give you the name of their favorite car dealership, and there will always be that one person who cries over the squirrel and and tells you to be careful. DO NOT post a pic of the incident because someone else will undoubtedly tell you that your 13-year-old should be rear facing and this wouldn’t have happened if you’d had your mirrors positioned differently.
I’m not saying that my Internet habits are the reason my laundry room consistently looks like a car-sized clothes piñata was just smashed to bits by my trusty top loader. But they are. No regrets!