You’re A Better Mom Than Me – Scary Mommy

You’re A Better Mom Than Me

I’m a good mom. In fact I’m a great mom, and I know this as I have purposely set my benchmark pretty damn low. Both my children are still alive (good start), happy, healthy and doing well at school. The rest I haven’t got time to worry about.

So, how do YOU rate? Well, you might be a better mom than me if…

1. The first thing you say to the kids in the morning is ‘good morning sweetheart’ and not ‘It’s too early, go and play or something’.

2. Your kids get a wholesome home cooked breakfast every morning and eat it all, instead of grabbing a banana and juice to give them in the car because you are running late.

3. You can brush their hair without making them flinch.

4. You are able to wash clothes, dry them, iron them (do people still do that?) and put them away in the same day.

5. You don’t think about the kids while at work, and about work when you are with the kids.


6. Your lunch consists of more than your child’s leftovers.

7. You don’t laugh at your kid’s mispronunciation (‘boobies’ instead of ‘blueberries’ are a particular fave of mine)

8. You share chocolate with your children.

9. You can sit through an entire Disney film without once checking your phone or Facebook.

10. You don’t rush evening bath time and you have figured out how to wash hair without a tantrum.

11. Your child’s art supply cupboard is better stocked than your wine rack…

12. …and their paintings are chronologically ordered in a binder instead of haphazardly stuck on the fridge or in the, errr, bin.

13. You never run out of plastic plates for the kids at dinnertime and use Tupperware boxes instead…

14. …and when you open your fridge you aren’t blinded by the glare from the hundreds of tin foil- covered leftovers in there that you WILL make those kids eat the next day.

15. You never let your children off on tooth brushing, even when it’s really late and you just want them in bed.

16. You don’t punch the air and hiss ‘yeeesssss’ five minutes after bedtime when you know they are definitely sleeping…

17. …and then run downstairs and open the wine before even saying hello to hubby who has just walked in.

18. You actually plan what you are cooking for dinner and don’t attempt to create something from whatever you took out the freezer that morning (which was previously a pink frozen mystery lump) and the four items in the fridge that have to be eaten that day.


19. You have potatoes in your kitchen that have not yet sprouted. And your peeler is not broken.

20. You set a timer for dinner and don’t rely on the ‘it’s cooked’ smell.

21. After dinner you and your husband have a grown-up entertaining conversation that doesn’t go like this. ‘How was your day?’ ‘Fine thanks. Yours?’ ‘Good thanks. I’m off to bed’ ‘Me too’.

See? I knew you were a good mom, too.

Related post: Shout Out to the World’s Okayest Moms