Sarah Fader records anecdotes from her daily life at at Old School New School Mom. She also currently runs blog workshops for elementary school children in New York City and provides freelance transcription services for major television networks, in between running after a two year old.
I recently wrote a post about the fact that I’m an unmarried mother to a 2 year old, and my boyfriend and I are expecting another child. I wrote it to record some of the insensitive and hurtful statements that people have made based on my relationship status. For example, many people have questioned the paternity of the second baby. Apparently, because I’m not wearing a wedding ring I am automatically deemed promiscuous.
After I wrote the post about being unmarried, ironically, I received a hateful comment from an anonymous reader. It read:
“You are the product of how our society has become so immoral……there is no shame now in bringing illegitimate children into the world. We have become a Godless society…..and you my dear are helping us along the road to destruction. People have become soulless and just look to their own pleasures to fill empty lives….this is very sad.”
Aside from the fact that it bugged me that this person failed to use ellipses properly, I was stunned by the antiquated point of view inherent in this comment. This individual appears to be living in the 1950′s where women were made out to be pariahs for having a baby out of wedlock and sent to homes for un-wed mothers.
Sadly, it appears that society has not evolved in the past 50 years. We are continuing to judge other people’s life choices. Whether or not I choose to get married is my decision, not society’s. It is not up to strangers to dictate my relationship status both Facebook or in “real life.”
There is so much judgment out there with regard to parenting, I’m beginning to wonder why people can’t just mind their own business. Why they feel they need to tell others how to raise their children. For example, when I sleep-trained my son, I cannot tell you how many people told me that I was “traumatizing him” and how he would end up being a “detached child.”
Or when I chose to breast feed for a year, people repeatedly asking me “When are you going to wean him?” I wanted to say “Back off!” But instead I politely said “When he’s one.”
So why does society continue to adopt such a judgmental stance? Maybe it has to do with feeling important. If you can judge another person, tell them what to do or how to act, perhaps it makes YOU feel better about yourself. You feel you’ve asserted your authority over another person, and therefore have more power than they do.
Let me return to my anonymous reader. Perhaps this person felt more important because he/she told me how to live my life. Maybe this person feels badly about their own life, and it makes him/her feel better judge me. Whatever the case maybe, I believe it’s time to stop judging others and start living our own lives.