Jill Smokler, AKA Scary Mommy
@scarymommy
Latest posts by Jill Smokler, AKA Scary Mommy (see all)
- The Disney Reveal - May 14, 2013
- Met My Match At Disney… - May 13, 2013
- Sunday’s Baltimore Sun - May 11, 2013
Sarah Fader records anecdotes from her daily life at at Old School New School Mom. She also currently runs blog workshops for elementary school children in New York City and provides freelance transcription services for major television networks, in between running after a two year old.
I recently wrote a post about the fact that I’m an unmarried mother to a 2 year old, and my boyfriend and I are expecting another child. I wrote it to record some of the insensitive and hurtful statements that people have made based on my relationship status. For example, many people have questioned the paternity of the second baby. Apparently, because I’m not wearing a wedding ring I am automatically deemed promiscuous.
After I wrote the post about being unmarried, ironically, I received a hateful comment from an anonymous reader. It read:
“You are the product of how our society has become so immoral……there is no shame now in bringing illegitimate children into the world. We have become a Godless society…..and you my dear are helping us along the road to destruction. People have become soulless and just look to their own pleasures to fill empty lives….this is very sad.”
Aside from the fact that it bugged me that this person failed to use ellipses properly, I was stunned by the antiquated point of view inherent in this comment. This individual appears to be living in the 1950′s where women were made out to be pariahs for having a baby out of wedlock and sent to homes for un-wed mothers.
Sadly, it appears that society has not evolved in the past 50 years. We are continuing to judge other people’s life choices. Whether or not I choose to get married is my decision, not society’s. It is not up to strangers to dictate my relationship status both Facebook or in “real life.”
There is so much judgment out there with regard to parenting, I’m beginning to wonder why people can’t just mind their own business. Why they feel they need to tell others how to raise their children. For example, when I sleep-trained my son, I cannot tell you how many people told me that I was “traumatizing him” and how he would end up being a “detached child.”
Or when I chose to breast feed for a year, people repeatedly asking me “When are you going to wean him?” I wanted to say “Back off!” But instead I politely said “When he’s one.”
So why does society continue to adopt such a judgmental stance? Maybe it has to do with feeling important. If you can judge another person, tell them what to do or how to act, perhaps it makes YOU feel better about yourself. You feel you’ve asserted your authority over another person, and therefore have more power than they do.
Let me return to my anonymous reader. Perhaps this person felt more important because he/she told me how to live my life. Maybe this person feels badly about their own life, and it makes him/her feel better judge me. Whatever the case maybe, I believe it’s time to stop judging others and start living our own lives.
{Submit your own post to join the Scary Mommy Society}
{ 77 comments… read them below or add one }
Woah, the person that left you that comment is out of control and by her standards I am a modern day Jezebel. I have 4 kids, two from a marriage and two frm a non marriage however the non marriage guy and I have been together over 10 years and the marriage guy only lasted 5 years. I think society is changing and yes, I would love to be married and living in bliss but I prefer to not have the hassles of marriage. I’d been there and done that. When that commenters marriage does not work out she will then have placed herself in the group she just put you in. Karma, watch out. No woman as a little girl imagined and planned that she would grow up and have”illegitimate kids” We just deal with our circumstances and love our kids the same if not more than judgmental Judy!
Raquel recently posted..I Almost Slapped Another Ho
Wow. I can’t believe someone had the audacity to leave that comment. But then again, the hate that fills people these when someone chooses to live a different lifestyle than they do, is ridiculous.
Regardless of our belief systems, we have zero right to pass judgement on others based on their life choices. Nor is there any right for us to hold others to my beliefs and ideals about morality and what family looks like, especially when that person doesn’t share those beliefs.
I’m glad that you’re able to rise above that comment and see it for what it was.
Julie recently posted..Confession
I get the judgment for still breastfeeding my 18 month old. I get it from strangers, I get it from family. My own other went as far as to tell me she thought I did it because I was going to suffer from separation anxiety if I stopped.
I have to agree, people judge because it does make them feel better. I admit it, I judge but hardly ever to one’s face and I would never tell someone how to raise their child. People have enough to worry about without the pressure from society to do what is deemed right instead of what is right for them and their family.
Melisa recently posted..Fashionable Friday
Why, why, why, why, why have you given that idiot any voice? Her opinion is her opinion – one she is entitled to. But that said, why do you give her repugnant opinion a larger voice by responding to it?
I realize there is a certain lack of satisfaction in ‘ignoring’ a comment like that. It will be on your mind. It may even eat at you a bit. But trolls win when you respond – complain about them – when you acknowledge them. Don’t do it.
You don’t have to defend yourself. Not against idiots like that one, anyway.
lceel recently posted..Wordless Wednesday – Football Season
lceel I see your point. I think I highlighted this person’s voice because it was so absurd to me that it exists in 2010.
Old School/New School Mom recently posted..Co-Sleeping and The New Baby Part II
I have to agree wtih lceel. I’m not at all surprised there is someone out there who believes this and is willing to voice the opinion. Go read any comments section in a newspaper online. I may not agree with your choices, but they are just that Your Choices. You probably wouldn’t agree with many of mine. The downside to the internet is it has given these people the chance to voice their opinions and hide behind the anonymity of the ability of the blogger/commentor relationship. Arguing with them or point it out to them does nothing but bolester their feelings that they are right as they have “hit a nerve.”
I think there is so much judgement in parenting because our choices are “out there” more and people are worried that they made the wrong choice and thus must belittle someone who made a different choice than they did. Which is why my mantra is “I’m going to screw up my kids my way, thanks.”
Wendy recently posted..Oh Hail No- Part 2
I have never had a stone small enough to throw at anyone else. I try very hard to not judge anyone or their choices because I know that someone somewhere would take exception to something I’ve done. I feel that if it doesn’t affect me or mine, it’s none of my business.
Tara R. recently posted..A box of 64 is not enough
I’m so sick and tired of all these self righteous people who make comments like this & don’t even have enough balls to post their name! I hope whoever posted that ass backwards view is reading the comments & realizes how stupid they sound. Its so easy for people to get wrapped up in how other people live so they dont have to look at how they’re living. I’ve noticed that the people who know how we parents should be raising our children are childless. People who say you should be married before living together are single. AND people who are quick to say you’re the reason that we live in a Godless society & you’re a disgrace..blah, blah, blah…No doubt have a reserved table in Hell..”Anonymous party of ONE your table is waiting…Anonymous party of ONE”
I authored the previous post here at Scary Mommy Society, and pretty much wrote about the same thing as you: judgement. (It emcompased way more than that, but I kind of boiled it down to learning a lesson about passing judgement.) Anyway, I don’t know what it is that makes people care so much about what others are doing in this world. I understand the desire and the need to live in a healthy, productive society, but that ANONYMOUS commenter (hello, grow some balls and post your name) is making judgements about who you are as a person based on one or two life choices! That’s just wrong. My sister is an un-wed mother of the most fabulous little two year old ever. He’s a fabulous kid because SHE is a fabulous mom. Her “mistake” isn’t anyone’s business and is no reflection of who she is on the inside.
Anyway, I’ll stop ranting now. Just remember that for every shitty commenter, there are 100 good ones :)
Lessons in Life and Light recently posted..RIP Gnorman the Gnome
Amen sister. I wrote a post about judgment back in May. I just don’t get it and I seem to see an overabundance of it lately. I think it is for the one of the reasons you wrote. Pointing out what they think is “bad” or “wrong” with others makes them feel better about themselves and pulls the spotlight off of their own shortcomings. It is really sad when someone has to pull one person down to make themselves feel better. Wouldn’t it just be great if we could just lift everyone up?
Jennifer recently posted..1969
Thank God, our society has changed somewhat since the 1950′s. I remember it well. We are fortunate that today we can, if we choose, be who we are. Think how odious it was to live in that very repressed society represented so well by the responder to your blog. Instead we can, if we choose, live a life of our choice which you and many others like you are doing. Here, here!
This was a most excellent post!
Jen recently posted..Silly Faces
The comment must have been made by a non-christian since we all know a good christian would not be judging someone else. You are right in that a wedding ring doesn’t make you any less of a parent than one that wears a ring. Good for you, stand your ground!
Nic recently posted..Tired
I hate that people are always so worried about what other people do. People should really mind their own business when it comes to matters that don’t effect them. People are so quick to judge, so quick to make assumptions and so quick to express their opinion when it doesn’t need or want to be heard. Good Luck with your new baby!! And, by the way….my sister is also an unmarried mother to a 2 year old and expecting twins.
Danielle recently posted..Wordless Wednesday- Our fuzzy friend 9-1 edition
I always said about the BFing, when they are done. My were longer, by a few months but who’s counting? Here, here on demanding a non-judgement zone.
My first child was born before my husband and I married. Though she was a surprise, we had no plans on marrying before our scheduled date and I’m sure many people had their comments. No one said anything to me, though, as I live my life the best way I can FOR ME and MY FAMILY. Not for every other human beings family.
My closest gal pal was married, got divorced, found a fabulous man and has no plans on marrying him after having two amazing boys and wants another kid (hoping for the girl at some point, I told her STOP, you can borrow mine when you want a girl fix-HAHAHA). I have an amazing friend from high school who has 5 kids with her man, and is not married.
BOTH women are EXTREMELY happy in their lives. WHY? Because they’re living their lives FOR THEM and THEIR FAMILIES.
Just like you my friend, just like you!!!!!! People who judge have NO self esteem and try to make others feel bad so they can feel better. Which we all know isn’t going to be happening with you! HAHA.
And who writes stuff like that anonymously? COWARDS.
And I like how Nic put it in her comment, no “christian” person would ever judge anyone. I was thinking the same thing when I was reading this post!
Staci recently posted..Free Movie- Alice in Wonderland
Wow, I’m so sorry you have to deal with idiots like that! As if people who are legally married are better parents… come on… isn’t the divorce rate like 60% now? As long as two parents are happy and loving together and to their child, what more is needed? Anyway, I hate judging people and I don’t like people who judge others or who are mean. That’s just sucky. And wrong. You carry on doing what you’re doing. :)
I think it has more to do with insecurity. If you are secure in yourself and your choices, I feel there is less of a tendency to be judgemental. Because if you are truly comfortable, you are not constantly pushing your choices on others.
Mommy on the Spot recently posted..Spa-venture
I’ve had the same comments and judgements made about me and mine over the years. I spent several (awful) years with my ex-partner, the only good things to come out of that relationship were our four kids. Several years later I met a wonderful divorced dad-of-two. We are now married and have another child together. All seven of our kids live with us full-time. I have lost count of the times that I’ve been asked how many different fathers my children have, or haven’t I ever heard of contraception. I now tend to answer that I have seven kids by two fathers and another mother. That confuses ‘em!
I love that response! Wish I could see the look on their faces.
Jacki recently posted..I Heart Faces Photo Challenge – Photojournalism
I think cowards who judge anonymously have no ground to stand on. We all make choices that are what work for our lives. I wish people could step back and realize that what works for one does not work for all. Kudos to you for standing behind your choices!
Kameron recently posted..Operation Purge- Part 1
If you come visit my blog and notice that I am a married Christian woman, with an addiction to ellipses, please don’t assume that I was your anonymous commenter! :)
Even though I was not that commenter, I would like to apologize to you for the way that person treated you! They were clearly in the wrong as God never gave us permission, never mind authority, to sit in judgment on one another like that! And people who are determined to sit in judgment on their fellow men are usually people who are carrying a boatload of personal guilt! Why do I feel that I should apologize when I was not the one who made the comment? Because attitudes like the one behind that comment reflect badly on ALL Christians. I think it unlikely that she will realize her wrong attitude and come apologize (though it would be nice to be proven wrong) and so … I say, “I’m sorry. You should not have been treated like that! I hope that you can forgive us.”
Beth Zimmerman recently posted..Random Dozen 9–1-10
Yeah. What she said.
Julie recently posted..Confession
Me too on that one!
Yeah, all that judging is really useful when, say, a person doesn’t feel like improving upon who THEY are. Though we have a long way to go, I think society is getting better.
I don’t know if 50 years ago it would have been possible for you to experience the public acceptance (mine included OF COURSE!) you do right now… and in many parts if the world, you still wouldn’t. Don’t get me wrong, society could and should improve, but it is getting better.
I hope. I just feel that in order to be better, we should acknowledge the ways in which we’ve improved. So we know it’s possible.
All that said, I nursed my daughter for 22 months, and someone referred to that as perverse. I mentioned wanting to wean my son in the next few months (13m), and another person implied that I was being lazier with this one. Funny, neither of them even seemed overly invested in breastfeeding issues.
Some people just have crappy small talk skills, you know?
Not trying to be a jerk, but why do people complain (or are surprised) that s/he is “judged” when s/he puts everything all out there on a blog/website?
It’s not a surprise. You really think that, given that you’re a socially aware person, that you would not get comments like that? It takes all kinds of people to make a world; you’re on the information superhighway…if I post that I drank a glass of wine a week while pregnant, wouldn’t I sound funny if I wrote a post about how shocked I was to get crazy e-mails? That’s a very different issue; however some people take the issue of unwed mothers just as seriously.
What makes you so sure that being unmarried is fine and that people who ARE married are adhering to some old-fashioned notion? Why is it okay to call the dissenting poster “out”? You don’t even know who you’re annoyed with; it could be a bored troll.
Your post sounds defensive; and, as another commenter pointed out, it’s better not to respond in the first place. I am sure an enlightened, meaningful and perhaps even research-based discussion could take place concerning this feminist issue, but you sound just as judgmental.
For the record, I didn’t write that trollish message, AND I don’t believe good mothers need to be married.
I never indicated that being married is an old fashioned notion, nor am I saying that one needs to be married or unmarried to have children. I think marriage is wonderful! My parents have been married for 30 years. My point is that judgment is not exclusive to the internet, I’m afraid! Many of the comments on my life I have received have been in person.
I completely agree about the judgement.
While you have made choices that I would never make, they are still YOUR choices. Who am I to judge what works for one person/family?
Everyone, of course, is not going to always agree on everything. But that is what makes the world so wonderful; the freedom to make our own choices.
Missy recently posted..The journey continues
I am amazed that this person had the balls to even mention God in their comments. There is a common thread through most religions – that “insert higher being” is the only one who may pass judgment. Love is love and a family is whatever you make of it.
Also, my comment was typed on my phone, so sorry for the typos. And rambling.
Faiqa recently posted..Excuse Me- Do You Have A Minute…
HERE HERE!!!
I am unmarried and due in 3 weeks. Worse than that I am being ostracized for not being able to breastfeed! I want to desperately, but can’t due to medication I have to take to LIVE. It got so bad I begged my significant other to let me go off of it, just for six months to breast feed our daughter, he wisely said not only no, but HELL NO.
I may get married again (I have one failed myself) eventually, but I refuse to adjust to being a mom and wife at the same damn time, I am not that good, sorry to those that are (or think they are). We love each other, we are in a serious long term committed relationship, we live together, we share ideals, and views but not to the point of being clones of each other. Isn’t that enough?
I am a CHRISTian (as opposed to a “christian”, the judgmental, holier than thou, hate mongering pieces of shit that give my awesome religion a bad name), he is not. We work together as a team, both bringing something different to the table, and do a DAMN good job of it. We have both been married, and divorced. The concept of what makes a family now is different, and should be recognized. As long as the kids are happy, healthy, and adjusted, who gives a flying fuck if their parents are married, or heaven forbid, GAY! My ex and his husband tried to adopt locally here in the Midwest, they were DENIED. If they were single gay men, they may have been allowed, but because they are together in a long term committed relationship they are treated as second class citizens. Honestly, so are me and my partner (a guy, not that it matters), in the state I live in because we are unmarried child services is more likely to take our kid and ask questions later, even if it is unfounded. Add into that that I have mental illness, and a police record, and am an active member of NA/AA, and oh lord I am so royally fucked if someone makes an ANONYMOUS complaint. Which I have known to happen from ex’s, former friends and anyone else who has a petty issue with people. It is IDIOTIC. I can’t move, so now what do I do? NOT punish my kid and let her be a narcissist like so many other children today? WILL NOT be happening. I am not talking physical punishment, they can complain for me yelling, not even joking!
Almost all of my friends are mom’s, young ones at that. They beat themselves up for years because of judgmental Mommy Nazi’s! Not anymore, but still. Who the hell is anyone in any place to tell someone else how to parent? How would they like it if people did that to them? These bullies pick on the mom’s who are struggling and need help, not ones like me who have no issue taking them down at the knees, they are predators and I am quickly losing my patience. Keep in mind I am 8 months pregnant and VERY hormonal, too, so my level of tolerance for bull shit is extremely low!
I, too, am a CHRISTian (loved your post) and I’m thrilled for you to be bringing a(nother!) baby into this world. Prayers for a safe delivery!
Kat @ TodaysCliche.com recently posted..NBC Interviews the F’inghams Seriously No- Seriously
Thanks! I wish she’d hurry up and get here, as she is already weighing in at 7lbs with a month almost left to go, I have a foot and a half radius around me that I can’t see anything, lol! I just truly wish people would stop using the name of my savior as an excuse to hate, judge and ostracize, sine that WAS NOT what he taught at all. but I also can not stand mean mommies! And Scary Mommy herself can tell you that I can get MEAN right back, but do it in a polite way. It is a skill learned from my Texas Grandma, she can tell you to kiss her ass five ways from Sunday, but does it so politely and with such tact you don’t realize it for hours or even days
I’m sorry you received such a hateful, outdated comment about yourself and your family. There is nothing wrong with you, and your family is beautiful regardless if you are married or not. Just remember that the majority of people out there do NOT feel the same way that lunatic feels. They just seemed to be more vocal than the rest of us because they feel the need to shove their beliefs down other’s throats and damn people to hell for not believing the same as them. Don’t worry about it. Her life must be really sad to have nothing to do all day but post hate filled comments to people talking about their families.
I know how you feel. I have a 11 month old and we have decided to have another. We are not married. Why? Because we don’t want to get married. I have never been one of those girls who wanted to grow up and get married. I ALWAYS wanted to have kids but NEVER wanted to get married. I get a lot of “your not committed to each other” and ” he doesn’t love you” last time I checked I didn’t need a piece of paper to be committed to someone and ummmm it takes TWO people to get married now one. Why doesn’t anyone say im the one who doesn’t love him? who knows. Don’t let people bring you don’t. People who put other people down are trying to make up for the unhappiness in their own lives.
Dana recently posted..Another DISGUSTING Day In Mommyland
Hello,
Society does suck! I had my 1st son 15 years ago. Never married the bonehead. Then I had my 2nd son in 2006, still not married. Had my 3rd son in 2009 and technically I guess he’s the only one whom wasn’t conceived in sin as I had married his brother’s daddy prior to that.
All I know is that people are mean, like the kids in school who make fun of everything they can. It’s kind of childish if you ask me. Grow up and realize life is so much more fun and relaxing when we don’t judge each other.
Tanya Watson recently posted..Vote for Staci Jansma
I don’t think you should of responded. I got a comment on my blog because I made a post that I could not breast feed my child, and didn’t breast feed…I just left it be. No big deal…everyone has opinions. I personally think marriage is a wonderful thing, and I understand some people don’t want to get married, I understand the divorce rate is up…but I personally do not think people work at it. Marriage is wonderful, yet it is hard work. I wish we could go back to the 50′s, I am not putting anyone down and I think single parents are wonderful, but I personally would never want to bring a child into the world unless there was a 2 parent household. But that is just me…more power to anyone else…
martini mama recently posted..I always get into awkward situations
You wish we could go BACK to the 1950s? Are you sure? I mean…think about what that really implies. I think people get caught up in the nostalgia and simplicity of the “good ol’ days” but really, what was so good about them? Women barely had any rights, neither did blacks, and if you were gay, forget about it. Right now, in 2010, is the very best time to be alive. You couldn’t PAY me to live in the 50s (although I WOULD take the wardrobe).
Lessons in Life and Light recently posted..RIP Gnorman the Gnome
I agree with you totally! People need to start owning their words. Why does society think it is ok to judge? You referenced that this person is still living in the 1950′s with way of thinking however, she is in the current day mentality because she can attack via email or the internet and never be seen. Amazing!
I have a husband, am heterosexual (well, duh? hence my first statement), and my parents are still married after 30 something years.
BUT, my two year old stood on the top of the kitchen table and poured an entire salt shaker into my laptop last week. I breast fed him for a year to make him healthier, but he has an ear infection every 48 hours! The twins watch more TV than they probably should and I would rather blog than cook dinner right now! I feel like a single parent for the hours hubs works and my efforts at home mostly go unnoticed.
So, I’m not judging anyone! If this one gets out of line (hubs I mean), Imay jsut cash him in for an older model. One with a lot of money. One foot in the grave and the other on a banana peel!
Enjoy your life, forget those others. Misery loves company!
Jennifer recently posted..Mortifying Mommy Moments–GIVEAWAY!
This was pretty much the funniest comment. It made my day!
Oh yeah! Laughter truly is the best medicine. And if that doesn’t work there is always tequilla and lemon wedges!
Jennifer recently posted..Mortifying Mommy Moments–GIVEAWAY!
Don’t let the haters get to you. I’m happily unmarried and have been for 10 years! And, I have two bastard children from two different fathers. OH, the horror! As I get older, I care less what people think about my relationship status. I’m a great mom and a pretty kickass, do-gooder person. I recently had something published in the newspaper and I was attacked for writing that 7 years ago I was on WIC. When you write something, know that you’re going to piss off someone, somewhere. The loudest and majority are not the same. You’re fierce and lovely and have my support!
Six Year Itch recently posted..Wordless Wednesday- Scary Portrait
Aw! Thanks so much!
People are just way to judgmental. I say that after I just ranted on Rock On Mommies about Parents need to Discipline their kids. haa haa!
theresa @rockonmommies recently posted..It Used To Take a Village…
it’s really crazy, when i started blogging about 6 1/2 years ago, i found a group of the most supportive, positive people to commune with during a really important time of my life. i’ve recently started reading “mommy blogs” as i get ready to enter another really important time in my life. i’m looking for a little community beyond my own community to gather some support, insight, and LAUGHS! i have noticed so so much negativity, judgement, rude remarks…i’ve wondered if it’s a sign of the times? has the culture, the economy, the universe become more tense in the last few years? has everyone just got a proverbial stick up their ass? makes me ever more grateful for the women behind the blogs i read regularly that are pumping positivity, REALITY, acceptance, and major major humor into the world.
alisha recently posted..I’m back! And so much prettier…
Fyi my comment contact info wasn’t posting correctly. Anyway, this is Sarah Fader. Thanks for all the support!
Old School/New School Mom recently posted..Co-Sleeping and The New Baby Part II
People judge me because I dress my daughter in miniature AC/DC t-shirts and jeans skirts (she looks really cute in it, nah).
Tell them to go do something unholy to themselves.
When you have a blog and leave it open for comments not everyone will be agreeing with you. I have left comments at times and I know they don’t agree totally with what the person may be writing about on their blog at a certain time, but I tell them I realize they can trash or delete my comment easily. I don’t care if they hit the button and make my comment disappear, it’s their blog.
It’s one thing to disagree with someone, it’s quite another to make judgments about a person’s soul over the internet. I’m just saying…
Old School/New School Mom recently posted..Co-Sleeping and The New Baby Part II
The issue was not, as far as I could see, that the people disagreed with her life, I did not see that anywhere on her replies here or the original post. The issue was the WAY they did it. I do take offense to that, being civil in disagreement is becoming a lost skill in our society, and that is SAD. She did not attack the person, nor did she delete what I can only imagine was a hurtful reply to a non-combative post. She addressed it, politely and with decorum. Attacking someone’s child, especially verbally, can get you in serious trouble. Verbal abuse lasts longer than any skinned knee or black eye, I state this from experience. And anyone who does not realize that making statements such as this is going to get them in serious trouble with ANY mommy (or dad, or grandparent, or sibling, or…..) is not thinking clearly, not the articulate woman who wrote this. I face this type of judgment in my daily in my own life and if you do not, please consider yourself VERY lucky. Things people say hurt, when they are said about your SOUL or your kids or your significant other, they can enrage. If someone objects to something, they should do so with politeness and some sense of tact, not slinging insults and dogma of any kind. That is part of being a grown up, right?
I can tell you right now, had these things been said to me about my family, I would not have been this nice, I would have made the woman cry. We can blame that on the hormones, right?
Amen sister! I could not have said it better myself!
Old School/New School Mom recently posted..Co-Sleeping and The New Baby Part II
I get SUPER annoyed with people being flat out mean or rude when people have different opinions than others. I am sort of an enigma, lol. I am A redneck tree hugger for example :) there are many more, but that’s my favorite and the most confusing to the rest of the world! I deal with judgment all the time, from all area’s, and I HATE IT. I didn’t see you attacking anyone back, if you did it was in a way that was so nice it didn’t hit my radar. You were hurt, and I completely understand why, and then oh the bombardment of meanness, on a post about judgment, I could only think, REALLY, ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Keep it up, I enjoy your writing style immensely!
How very JUDGEMENTAL and INTOLERANT most of you are! You have all shown how your hearts are full of HATE for the person who dared to give an opinion to original post. How could any of this be hurtful and upsetting? They are just words, words only have the power YOU give them……get over it…..stop being such a WIMP and get on with your life!! Are YOU so insecure you have to MILK this for all the sympathy you can get?
Don’t you just love the way, no matter what you are or where you come from, YOU ALL love to gang together to KILL the messenger.
I wonder would you ALL be the same if it were Jesus who said those things to you……just a thought.
Words they were and hurtful ones. I believe calling someone a “wimp” and “insecure” is quite judgemental and dare I say mean.
I have to be honest and say that those words did hurt me, because I am human.
Old School/New School Mom recently posted..Co-Sleeping and The New Baby Part II
This comment feels harsh, insensitive, unkind, and judgmental. But what bothers me MOST about it is the attitude that it is okay to make such remarks in Jesus name! No wonder Christians have a bad reputation!
Beth Zimmerman recently posted..Mission Re-Write China 2010
OK. Whoa.
Now, someone correct me if I’m wrong, but would Jesus ever say those things? They certainly don’t seem very Christ like to me. But, what does a Jewish girl know, anyway?
It’s NOT! And it breaks His heart! He referred to the people who tried to separate the seekers from the truth by harsh judgments and legalism (rules without love) Pharisees, Hypocrites, Whitewashed Tombs, Dens of Snakes, etc.
Beth Zimmerman recently posted..Mission Re-Write China 2010
Thanks Beth! Great point!
Old School/New School Mom recently posted..Co-Sleeping and The New Baby Part II
HA HA HA! I’m Jewish too! I think we better consult the experts.
Old School/New School Mom recently posted..Co-Sleeping and The New Baby Part II
muahahahahahahahahahahahah!
Idk…maybe we need to find a preist to buy indulgence passes from.
Another thought … Jesus said, “Let him without sin cast the first stone.” He didn’t say the sin was okay. But He chose not to condemn the sinner. Unless YOU are without sin … you shouldn’t be condemning either!
Beth Zimmerman recently posted..Mission Re-Write China 2010
Um whoa.
Jesus would not like your attitude right now.
That was directed at “SANDRA” by the way. And why is she yelling?
‘THE TRUTH ALWAYS HURTS’ and ‘SOMETIMES IN LIFE ONE HAS TO BE CRUEL TO BE KIND’ if only to wake you up to the TRUTH of what has been said.
Sandra,
Please, and I am saying this as nicely as humanly possible, use some manners when addressing people who have not injured you or your loved ones. It should not surprise you that other mothers in this woman’s situation are angry or even outraged. Disagreement does not have to equal pain to another, and it shouldn’t ever. When you attack someone in this manner you are opening yourself up to be attacked right back, and it has not occurred. This is a relatively peaceful group, the regular commenter’s anyway, and no one has been mean or cruel to anyone in response to the negativity that has been leveled. I am not quite sure of what TRUTH you are speaking of and if it is about this amazing woman tearing at the fabric of American society, I will caution you that the “American Family” is VERY different in the current era and you would be wise not to judge. If it is about the “christian” thing, please refer to your “bible” (if you believe the King James version to be accurate in any way, shape, or form, then the word belongs in quotations) Mary was not yet married to Joseph when she conceived Jesus, so judging unwed mothers is judging the Saviors mother as well.
Please keep yourself civil, as I am sure you would not intentionally be mean and spiteful to other mothers of any kind, lest you would be treated that way yourself.
Now, THAT BEING SAID as with as much politeness and tact as I can possibly muster at my current hormone level I shall add another comment in word you may understand more clearly:
I am hormonal as hell, and can make grown men cry with words alone, I have no patience for ignorance and intolerance of ANY kind, let alone people who attack Mothers who are like ME and way too polite to be rude or mean in response. This blog helps bring the humor and joy into motherhood. If you can not tolerate and respect that, do not read the blog, or at least don’t comment on here, instead do it on your own page to people who are as ignorant as you are. IN OTHER WORDS, BACK THE HELL OFF.
Please consider yourself warned, Please and Thank You Very Much,
Preggers Step Mom, or Jeri, or Crazy Pregnant Bitch (I answer to all three right now)
Wish I had the time to reply to this but off to France any minute. However, I’ll leave you with……If you have anger in you have no Love, if you’re impatient you have no Love, and I have been blessed with, yes you’ve guessed it, a wealth of Love, till next time, have a beautiful day x
Sandra,
Your continual attacks of these women is NOT speaking well of what I assume you believe is your Christian witness. I hope that they will choose to start deleting or ignoring you as you seem to be delighting in the opportunity to spread your judgment of people living different lives than yours far and wide. In the meantime I will leave you with a couple of thoughts!
First … and I intend NO judgment on anyone by this comment … if these mothers, that you are judging and finding guilty, are not believers in Jesus, then they should not be expected to act as if they were! You seem to be saying “Call a sin a sin.” But the only time we are supposed to do that is with our fellow Christians!
Second … the call of believers is NEVER to sit in judgment! That’s God’s job! Our only call is to LOVE! To be salt and light! To be a witness of the power of God’s love in a surrendered life! Harshness and judgment is more likely to drive people away from Jesus as it reflects badly on Him! And you know what He said about that! “It would be better to have a millstone tied around your neck and be tossed into the sea.”
Third … I am not sure where you are getting your definition of love but you might want to check 1 Cor. 13 and compare it to your own behavior and verbiage on this post!
4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
It seems that perhaps you should focus less on getting people to follow rules and more on reaching hearts! It is after all the job of the Holy Spirit (not you and I ) to convict people of their sin! And Jesus does not require that they clean up before being saved! He says “Come just as you are!” and then HE convicts them of the areas they should change.
Enjoy France!
Beth
Beth Zimmerman recently posted..Mission Re-Write China 2010
Love for all is the utter ideal of CHRISTianity, my dear. And one form of love is to not let bullies go after people. Anger is not a sign of a lack of love when justified, and not used to harm another, but instead to motivate people to change themselves, and lovingly help others to see the error of their JUDGMENT. Impatience’s is also not a sign of not having love, it is in fact a human issue across the board. So, LOVE is not the issue here, or lack of LOVE. Judgment, intolerance, rudeness, tactlessness, and being flat out MEAN is. If we did not love our families, and care about one another, we would have just kept our mouths (fingers) silent, instead of letting it be known that this woman is not alone, and we face the same issues in our own lives. If this is this love, (and support for others) I hate to see what your definition is.
This will be THE LAST comment back to Sandra, I am allowing her attitude to effect my CHRISTian Zenness, and I can not do that while preparing for the birth of my little girl. I hope that Scary Mommy and Old Scool/New School Mom do not feel as though I am abandoning this cause, but even I can see where a battle with ignorance is lost, and chose to withhold my opinion untill it can be of some use to wipe ignorance out.
With that I am off to spend time with my family who is also tearing at American society, and laughing at all the people who when they see my big old pregnant belly automatically check for a ring! The love of my life would love to “make an honest woman” out of me, but, he has to get through my own DAD first, ha ha! (Joking, my Dad loves him VERY much, and could not have picked anyone better for me if he had tried. God does work in mysterious ways, huh?)
My Dear Scary Mommy fans, YOU ALL ROCK MY SOCKS OFF!!! Thanks for letting me know being a mom can be fun still, and that if the kids are still alive, it wasn’t that bad a day!
XOXO
PReggers
oh god. seriously, SCREW THEM! You don’t need a piece of paper to make you good parents. In fact, sometimes it makes things much harder. People are so dumb. Seriously, fuck em. Losers. xoxo
Allison Zapata recently posted..Wordless Wednesday
XOXO!! You rock Allison!
Old School/New School Mom recently posted..Co-Sleeping and The New Baby Part II
Wow – I know there are a lot of divisive mothering topics out there that you really cannot win on: breast or bottle/cloth or disposable/ crib or bed chare / CIO or no-cry… the list goes on. However, I must say I’m shocked that anyone takes issue with marital status (and all that other jazz) anymore.
Welcome to the 21st century people!
harrietglynn recently posted..What I learned on my summer vacation
I’m a happily unmarried mom too – and I must say, we are one delightful set of parents. I honestly can’t wrap my head around a generation of women who (still) consider it unforgivably rude to ask a lady of her age or weight – but find it perfectly acceptable to ask if you’re going to “do the right thing” and get married or how you’ve decided to feed your baby. My two cents say that the type of judgmental nutcase who would accuse a stranger of bringing on doomsday because of her marital status could do a lot more damage to a kid than said stranger.
beckie recently posted..1- 2- 3 go
Thanks so much Jeri and Beth! In my opinion, love is unconditional and does not involve hateful words. I will reiterate, I have no problem with someone disagreeing with me either in person or virtually, but (as Jeri pointed out) there is a way to dissent civilly. Additionally, if one is able to express their differing opinion with class, it resonates more. That being said, it’s up to the commenter which tone he/she chooses to use.
Old School/New School Mom recently posted..Co-Sleeping and The New Baby Part II
WOW i can’t believe anybody could write such a hateful and hurtful thing definately since there are so many single mothers in society out of wed lock. if people can’t say anything nice they shouldn’t say anything at all.
Thank you so much, for writing this. I am a mom to an 8-year old and a 1-year old. I’m engaged- for the FIRST time, yep, had both of my wonderful amazing children out of wedlock, and the looks, and attitudes of people have long made me sick. It pisses me off to no extent that people have judged me over my son (don’t get it so much now, because baby girl’s daddy is my fiance). When I made the choice to have my son, I could not change the fact that his father ran away like a dog with his tail between his legs. Would it have made these judgmental assholes happier if I had aborted him- NOT a chance! Having him was by-far the best thing I have ever done, or should I say, the best gift God has ever given me. I wasn’t even that young-22, young, but I had graduated college. Did that matter, nope, they passed their judgment. My dad, rest his soul, always said “Keep your chin up,” and that got me through it all.
For the record, I’d like to say that despite my son being to a single parent, he is a very well mannered, clean, happy, healthy, and superiorly intelligent (he was tested by his school, I’m not just tootin’ any old horn) young man. Some married parents cannot say that.
It is WRONG to judge someone, especially when you do not know the circumstances that preceded their situation. “Judge not lest ye be judged.”
Just to set the record straight, I am not religious, never have been. I do not belong to any church or church run organisations.
I have been married twice and have four children, two children in a marriage and two outside of marriage…..sooo been there done that!!
Anyone who has a differing oppinion to you all, no matter how it’s ‘worded,’ you can’t help but judge the messenger. Just look at all your comments and nasty words you have all used. You can’t see how angry and judgemental YOU all are!! But I don’t hold any of it against you…..and yes words can hurt, but not from complete strangers…..please!
If someone swore at you and said terrible things to you in a language you could not understand how would you react? You would have no clue what they were saying so there would be no reaction from you.
What if you could all meet every moment without resentment and overreacting to what has been said and done to you, ‘like water off a ducks back.’
Every time you get mean and resentful, no matter how rational or justified it may be, or to whom, you are forging that bond of anger in you, ever deeper, until ‘it’ becomes part of you and you think it’s ‘normal’ to be this way……well I can tell you it isn’t.
We all need petty resentments to stoke the fuel of anger…..everyday……until we don’t.
Have a good day…….and yes I had a wonderful time in France, visiting my daughter :)