2. Shampoo your hair as your toddler swings the shower curtain open wide to throw sharp toys into the tub where you are standing.
3. Quickly rinse hair, hit all the pertinent areas, and just go with a leave-in conditioner.
4. Wrap yourself in a towel, throw up your hair and apply makeup as quickly as possible while the toddler empties out all of the cabinets and drawers.
5. Answer 20 questions from your oldest child about the babysitter and any corresponding snacks for the evening.
6. Stand in front of your bedroom closet, face your clothes and groan. Settle for the least faded and stretched-out articles you can find.
7. Search for shoes that even remotely match in color as the toddler giggles and clings to your legs up and down the hallway.
8. Reply “OK” when husband texts and asks if you can just meet there because he is running late.
9. Let the babysitter in when she arrives and notice that the kids are pretty overjoyed to see someone other than their mother.
10. Bend down to give goodbye hugs and kisses and refrain from cussing when your toddler wipes his nose all over your carefully selected, dark-colored flaw-hiding top.
11. Sigh. Smile. And go change your shirt.
12. Hunt for your keys for a few minutes. Say a final goodbye and walk out the door.
13. Start the minivan. Let out a loud sigh, then pull the car up to the back door.
14. Go back inside and retrieve your phone. Say goodbye to the kids again. Maneuver very carefully with the toddler.
15. Walk out the door again. Get into the van. Be careful not to back into the babysitter’s car.
16. Pull out of the driveway. Feel so relieved that you made it out of there.
17. Stay calm as the low fuel indicator light chimes and shines. Pull into a gas station and try to hurriedly put in 20 bucks worth at the slowest gas pump in the whole wide world.
18. Pull into the parking lot at the upscale burger joint. See your husband standing next to his truck, grinning. When he asks where you’ve been, tell him the babysitter ran late.
19. Eat an unhealthy meal because you said you’d let him choose, and quite frankly it’s just easier at this point.
20. Walk into the movie theater holding hands with your husband, relieved and proud of yourself that you’re out of the house on a Friday night and it’s not at Wal-Mart.
21. Take a few sips out of your husband’s giant movie theater drink so at least two people can enjoy the value of a hundred dollar soda.
22. Try to enjoy the latest comic book movie that could quite honestly go with 30 minutes less action and hope the caffeine in the soda stifles the yawning. It is 9:30 after all.
23. Hold hands with your husband on the short walk to your separate cars and say you enjoyed the movie.
24. Crank the stereo on the way home because for the moment it’s your car, and your way.
25. Congratulations, you made it home! Hand the babysitter $50! Change into pajamas and go straight to bed.