Jill Smokler, AKA Scary Mommy
@scarymommy
Latest posts by Jill Smokler, AKA Scary Mommy (see all)
- The Disney Reveal - May 14, 2013
- Met My Match At Disney… - May 13, 2013
- Sunday’s Baltimore Sun - May 11, 2013
I am one of those people who are unable of simply accepting a compliment. It’s not that I have issues of feeling inadequate or undeserving– lavish me with praise, please!! I love it. It’s just that I’m incapable of simply saying thank you and moving on.
Yesterday, someone told me that they liked my shoes. A short and sweet “thank you” would have sufficed, but noooooo. Thanks, I responded, I got them at Marshall’s! They were marked down to, like, nothing. They practically paid me to buy them. I bet they still have them in you want to check. They’d look great on you– you should totally get them. Go, now!
Or, not.
My purse? Funny you ask, I love it, too! Banana republic, 39.99! End of season sale that I happened to walk right into. Not that you inquired. But, still.
My toe-nail polish color? So fun, right? It’s OPI Significant Other. It took me forever to choose, but I really like it, too. I don’t usually go for purple, but I thought it was nice for a change. With fall coming and all. Oh, fall. I love fall.
Wait, what were we talking about again?
The same goes for my children. If someone remarks on how well-behaved they are I have to point out the massive tantrums that all three of then threw earlier in the day. They’re usually monsters, I swear. This good behavior is highly unusual. Sure, Evan may be sweet now, but he turns into an absolute terror at night. Bedtime is a bitch. Truly.
If someone tells me how beautiful Lily is, half the time I reminisce about how she was born with a horrible cone head after being stuck in the birth canal for 20 hours. Fortunately, she’s recovered since. Her hair? So pretty, but I barely even brush it! Thank goodness it’s naturally straight or she’d always be a mess.
And the list goes on.
What’s this about? I’m going to try and end one sentence today with a “thank you” and see if it sticks. Wish me luck.
{ 81 comments… read them below or add one }
I totally have a hard time accepting compliments. It’s something that I always remind myself that I need to work on, but never do.
Sandra recently posted..Progress
The key is just say “thank you” and stop yourself from knocking yourself by saying “thanks, but I wish my hair was x” or “I just threw it on” or “it’s not big deal”. A simple thank you and you’re good :-)
Shayna recently posted..Can Fat Be Funny And Romantic In The Same Half Hour
Holy shit…the cone head remark just cracked me up!!! I used to do that too…explain, admit, overshare. Not anymore. If a compliment comes my way, I take it and run!!!!
Rebecca recently posted..Lowering Expectations- Football- and Loss
Yes! Just say thanks and you’re good :-D
Shayna recently posted..Can Fat Be Funny And Romantic In The Same Half Hour
I am so the same way, although I think I got the whole clothing thing from my family who are always obsessed with deals and what they paid for that. Accepting compliments is always harder as a mom I think, because we always see the bad side more than the good.
I do the SAME THING, especially when it comes to clothing or my hair or my face. Oh this? It was so cheap! I didn’t even brush it today! I would look so much better if I had eyebrows!
Even worse, when the item being complimented is something I SHOULD explain – a scarf I made or a necklace from an Etsy shop I love & want to support – I just mumble “thanks” and run away.
I think it’s a congenital defect that most females are born with. I have never been able to just say “thank you” and move on. I almost feel like it’s rude not to tell someone where I found my awesome shoes or purse or whatever. And it feels like lying to accept a compliment about my kids’ good behavior…because honestly? They aren’t really that good. ; -)
Kmama recently posted..I Heart Faces- Smirk
Take it as a compliment that you’ve trained them to fake it well ? ;-)
Shayna recently posted..How To Work The System To Get Great Fashion For A Fraction
Hysterical! I am the same exact way. But I pause after saying thanks. Kinda like giving them another chance to compliment me before I go into the specifics. Even when they don’t continue with my adulation, I still go into specifics. I think its cause I’m trying to get more compliments.
imperfect momma recently posted..The Razor
I. DO. THE. SAME. THING.
PS. You really got a banana republic bag for 39.99? That’s awesome!
Let’s practice now, because I have a genuine complement for you: I love the way you write, Jill!
Lynn from For Love or Funny recently posted..I’m in love with a jailbird
Sounds just like me! Did you have to justify everything you did during your childhood too?
Learning to just say “Thank you” was a huge blessing to me in my 20s. I’m glad to see you young whippersnappers are learning it, too. :-)
Serene recently posted..Three-ingredient Fudge
I used to do the same thing! “My shirt?! Oh, gosh, I got it Goodwill! It was for a costume last year, but I thought it would look great with these boots!”
HAha! But I discovered that I not only talked too much about compliments… I also over shared, when there was no solicitation… I shared, and shared, and shared – if someone stood within 5 feet of me for more than 30seconds, they knew far more about me than I would ever know about them!.
Now, I shut my mouth, ask people about themselves, and compliment their shoes! I have a secret little smile when someone tells me where they got their fantastic shoes!
Miss Rebecca recently posted..What a weekend
I think this is such a woman thing.
I love that you pointed out the sale thing, I do that ALL the time. Like, oh I know it looks so expensive, but really I’m on a BUDGET- I can’t afford nice stuff. No really, want to see my receipt?!
I had several people point this out to me recently and made a vow to shut myself up, and just say thank you. My husband nearly exploded when I told him of my new vow-he’s only been trying to get me to stop being so critical of myself for 15 years. Don’t worry he didn’t actually explode, he is much more devious. He simply told me I was beautiful, and I had to say thank you.
I tend to give too much information in every situation, not just when receiving compliments. I wonder if our American culture, which encourages self-expression, is a factor? Other cultures value holding your cards close to your chest, but we Americans want to show everybody everything we’ve got, and then some. Pros and cons to both, I suppose.
I heard Marshall Goldsmith speak on the TMI topic, he was fantastic. If you get the chance to hear him (he’s a frequent conference speaker and you attend blogger conferences, right?) go for it. He does a great bit about saying “Thank You” and then shutting the hell up before you ruin it. He also has a book entitled “What Got You Here Won’t Get You There.” It’s a self-improvement book for people who are already motivated and accomplished – it skips over the “you can do it!” part and goes straight to how overachievers miscommunicate with others. Excellent read.
San Diego Farmgirl recently posted..Best Bread Recipe 1- Anadama Bread
I am completely the same way! I almost never accept a compliment, without some backend silly response. You would think it would be so easy to respond with a clear- thank you…. or maybe not.
Stephanie R recently posted..Initialed Pendants
Darnit, I can never remember to uncheck the link to my ancient blog I haven’t touched in a year.
I am right there with you. I have such a hard time just keeping my mouth shut and saying “thank you.” I tell all, and I guess there are just some things that I should keep to myself, but I just can’t. I always say that I am going to work on this, but I just can’t help myself.
martini mama recently posted..I can make a CPAP sexxxy!
Funny thing, men don’t do this… they say thanks and move on. Maybe we can learn from them on this one.
Andrea recently posted..Yours- Mine and Ours
Hey! Heard you speak at BlogHer but never got to introduce myself! Loved this post- aren’t we all guilty of this! It drives my husband nuts. His most favorite is when someone new comes to our home and compliments it and I have to take them all over the house and show them all the places where my kids colored on the walls with permanent marker or chewed on the woodwork and table legs when they were teething! Such is the life of a mom…
I do the exact same thing. I always feel like I need to over-share if someone starts a conversation. I am very shy about compliments which is why I tend to ramble on and on. Yes, I think I’ll try the Thank You and leave-it-at-that.
Next time someone compliments you on your kids’ amazing behavior, make them commit to babysitting. Sign a contract on the spot!
You’re welcome.
Yuliya recently posted..When Blog Grows Up
I’ve been working on this for about a year now. Seriously working on it.
S Club Mama recently posted..sorry
I do the same freakin’ thing. Something’s gotta be said for being self-aware though right?
I’m working on it though…. have been since forever so maybe I should just roll with it.
Adventuroo recently posted..9 Things to Tweet About
LOLOLOL! OCD momma….love it. good grief i am the same way when i FIRST write out my blog posts, and then i have to come back to it later and type it sans OCD stuff.
vanillasugar recently posted..broiled prosecco-scallops w- panko crumbs
You write really well.
I love your layout.
You have fabulous tweets.
Um…thanks for the blurb/lulu shout out about blog books. Saved me…
Practice makes perfect m’dear!
JourneyBeyondSurvival recently posted..Zombie
I am the exact same way! I am annoyed with myself and yet, I can’t stop.
Must just say thank you. Must just say thank you. Must just say thank you.
Jen recently posted..Congratulatons! X Marks the Spot Winner
I have a problem with this too. Especially when it is something that I feel I have not control over or just *lucked* into, like my beautiful children. I know it is awful, but when someone tells me my kids are so pretty I just blank and have no idea what to say so I stutter along until we can get past the awkward moment. I guess I should practice the simple thank you as well.
Jennifer recently posted..Maybe I should start a weekend wrap up carvival- it seems to be my thing
I do they exact same thing. I am mindful of it now and I try REALLY hard not to tell people that I got my leggings at Target for $6…you know like I did at BBC. ;)
Scargosun recently posted..How to Irritate Me
i think a lot of people can relate to that. i can never just accept a compliment and say thank you. having my son really helped me with this since i am truly so proud of him. when people tell me he is cute or well-behaved, i always say “i know and i am so lucky to have him. thanks!” :)
The real L.A. love story. recently posted..Lost in paradise
I’m the EXACT same way. It almost like I’m not worthy of the compliment in the first place and so I need to explain it away or lessen it’s impact. Someone complimented recently that they liked the pants I had on for work (I was at the grocery store on my lunch hour) to which I answered “Really….These old things? I’ve had them for years – pulled them out of the back of the closer this morning – but thank you”.
Or someone will compliment how beautiful my daughter is and I find myself saying “I tell my husband we are going to have to beat the boys off with a stick” or “Don’t let her fool you – the horns are hidden under those braid” or “Trust me – she may look cute, but she’s a handful”.
So – while I’m sure you never meant for it to be a challenge – but, I’m going to make it a challenge – All week, I’m going to do my best at saying just “Thank You” anytime someone gives me a compliment, and leave it at that. Hopefully I won’t fail to miserably at it.
HaB recently posted..Chirp Chirp Ribbit Ribbit
I am the same way. My daughter, however, always gets complimented for being so gosh darn adorable and cute. Everyone tells her she is so pretty, and she always says, “Thank you. I know!” She is 4 btw.
lol i guess i’m the opposite… i’m the ‘thanks’ and move on girl… but i’m also the girl who can’t stand people in my ‘space’ i do have my chat a lot moments though…. my perfume gets a lot of chatter… and i swear i should get kick backs on it cause i think i’m selling it more than i’m buying it… lol
aims recently posted..-Fawk you & Flip off Friday – An award- and a little video for your viewing pleasure-
Oh yes, I do the exact same thing. I totally annoy myself when I do it so I can’t imagine how many people I’ve annoyed with my yammering on and on about how cheap I found my shirt/shoes/bag.
Jennifer, Playgroups are no place for children recently posted..The best ideas come on pendants from Etsy shops
Yes, I catch myself doing the same thing. Trying to get a handle on it.
Uh oh – no wonder we all talk so much if we all do this! And no wonder I am alwasy trying to find time to pop in Marshalls or TJMaxx.
Maybe if we all stopped this I could shop less?
Hmmm…probably not. This shirt I’m wearing – it’s from target. So cute and it’s purple. And I can breastfeed in it. Gotta love purple and the bewb! Oh shit I just told you about my bewbs.
Brittany at Mommy Words recently posted..A Letter to Sophia on Her Fourth Birthday
I’ve gotten better about just saying “thank you.” The awkwardness comes in for me when I feel the need to reciprocate (“thanks so much – I love YOUR jacket too.”) Even when I was thinking it before the first compliment, it still sounds so insincere.
Actually, I think your way of accepting a compliment shows how personable, friendly, and all-around-awesome a person you really are. It’s easy to say “thank you” to a total stranger and then keep walking. Instead, you’re making an effort to engage with someone you may have never spoken to otherwise, and to me, that’s a good thing. (even if it feels like word vomit sometimes lol)
It’s strange how we do that. I almost feel like I’ll come off as arrogant if I just accept a compliment w/out trying to somehow justify it.
Erin recently posted..The truth about family vacations
I am the same way, so much so that people have even said “I do not care where you bought the item or how much it cost, I am just telling you I like it”. Guess I really need to just say thank you and move on.
Jessica recently posted..Mickey’s Not So Scary Halloween Party 2010
I’m the SAME way! My husband things that I have low self-esteem, but that’s not it! I don’t know what it is! lol ; ))
I do the same thing. I get all flustered, and feel a need to either describe how good of a bargain an item was. Or to assure the other person that my child is indeed in the terrible twos, just not at this moment {I did that today actually}.
I do the SAME THING all of the time!!!! You know why I think we do it? We just like to talk…like a lot.
Rachel {at} Mommy Needs a Vacation recently posted..Recipe of the Week- Taco Salad
I have this exact same issue! Is it a woman thing? I don’t know – but I’m going to try the “thank you” and move on tactic. Somehow I think this will be a hard habit to break….
Gigi recently posted..The One that Makes Me Sound Like a Bad Wife and Mother
Still laughing about the cone head comment and the fact that (thank goodness) she’s outgrown it now!
~Laura recently posted..The Boiling Point
I do the same exact thing, except I usually end it with giving the other person a compliment on something. I guess I am just not worthy of the compliment so I feel I have to hand it back. Kind of crazy since all my kids are attention hounds and gather the compliments with no problem, they did not get that from me!!
Trina recently posted..Wee Squeak Winner
I do the EXACTLY the same thing!!!!!
This just happened to me today; a woman at the Post Office told me she liked my dress and I replied, “Target clearance!” I mean, seriously? Why didn’t I let her think it was a designer item, right?
Good luck with the simple acceptance thing. You’ll have to report back and let us know how you did.
Heidi recently posted..And She’s Off!
I was having the worst day. Like so bad it was ridiculous. And then, donating to that family, made everything better. Thank you for telling us about it. : )
You are so funny about the compliments. me too! Who can ever just say thank you? Not me!
Life with Kaishon recently posted..Things that make you go Hmmmmmmmmmm
I’m totally the same way. I loved this post. I am always telling people “Oh! you like my shirt? It was $5.oo!” I’m shameless about bargain bragging. Maybe that’s the Jewish mother in me?
I get it. I soooo get it.
Old School/New School Mom recently posted..The Bread Crumb Argument
Am I weird that I actually like to hear the fun little details about where you got it and the great deal? I do the same thing, of course, and although I try to stop myself from making self-deprecating remarks, I don’t really feel bad about sharing the other stuff. Often as not, compliments are meant to open a conversation, just saying “thank you” sort of puts a dead end to that.
Carabee recently posted..Generations
My outfit? Omigosh the ENTIRE thing came from Walmart! I look thin? Oh, you don’t see me naked! My handwriting? Gosh, it’s suffered since I work so much now on the computer….
THANK YOU for reminding me that I should simply say “Thank you!”
(Thank you for such relatable posts!)
Cheryl recently posted..Balancing My Business
Wow, me too! Like in a “sorry I even offered you a compliment” sort of way. I see it on people’s faces all the time. I love compliments, who doesn’t? Just wish I could say thank you and go on down life’s highway (sigh)…
Mommyfriend Lori recently posted..Boy Wonders Birthday List
Been there still doing that. In fact I get emberassed when I can’t offer an explanation, like when people compliment me on my hair or my eyes (both mother natures ‘gift’, stupid straight hair).
I hate to say this but I do the same exact thing. Am hoping you find the cure for us both!
This is totally me too! You’re not alone! lol Do you at least notice this yourself? Or is it pointed out?! lol Mostly I don’t notice- people tell me I do these sorts of things and I feel ridiculous for being so oblivious. My mouth just goes on it’s own…..
I am guilty of responding this way as well whenever someone compliments me. In fact, all my friends are the same way. It makes me wonder if its a Mom thing or just a woman thing?!
Sunday recently posted..Bloggy Boot Camp rocks my worldAGAIN!
I do the same thing. I noticed it especially at BlogHer. Do you think it’s a woman thing? Maybe guys just say “thanks,” but we are more social animals, we want to have a conversation?
Jana @ Attitude Adjustment recently posted..Book Club- Anyone
Mentioning the bargain price will usually impress a woman more than the cute shoes or or purse!
I always overshare, too. I have been guilty of listening to someone compliment my kids, then pointing out their usual not-so-good behavior… but then I realized that was sending the kids the wrong message!
Mrs.Mayhem recently posted..It’s a New York Birthday
I could have written this. Except, you know, not as well.
there seems to be a theme this week about accepting compliments. Jen Gresh @ Everyday Bright talked about it, too. Not quite as funny as yours, but…
I do the same thing and I kick myself every time. If someone likes your shoes they’re not asking where you got them or how much they cost, and yet I have to blurt it out!
I’ve been trying for years to just say Thank You and move on.
Good luck!
Barbara recently posted..Miracles do happen!
me too! seriously!! my sister in law gets mad at me ( in a joking way). she tells me to just say “thank you” and move on.
i can’t. i have to go into a whole soliloquy about the thing being complimented. even though my brain is screaming at me to shut up.
i can’t.
i. just. can’t.
great post. that’s a compliment. just say thank you and shut up ;)
melissa recently posted..Boys Vs Girls And The Mothers Who Love Them
I have the *exact* same problem – always have. I can’t simply accept a compliment – and judging by the comment above – I’m not alone. Why is it that women can’t simply say “thank you” and move on? Is it something about us that wants us to keep helping others?
Now I know that I’ll be thinking about this all day. :)
Julie recently posted..Why I blog…
Jill. You are beautiful. I love your curls. I loved meeting you in D.C. and in NYC. I can’t wait to see you again. You’re an amazing blogger. A wonderful mother. And your children are amazing and gorgeous.
Don’t say a thing… :)
Too funny. I do the same thing. Could it be that we are just so excited about the amazing deals with get that we have to share? By the way, I was looking for a new nail color. I’ll have to check out Significant Other.
http://www.aboutone.com
DOTM: (i.e. Diarrhea of the Mouth)
–Proper noun; a disease affecting mostly woman; occassionally sporadic episodes found in men when contacting significant other via telephone when said other is busy with offspring and wondering, Why Now?!! WHAT WAS WRONG WITH 9:30 LAST NIGHT WHEN YOU WERE WATCHING HOW’S IT MADE AND EATING A SLEEVE OF CHIPS AHOY AND I HAD A FREE MINUTE AND A FEW THINGS TO GET OFF MY CHEST!!!!! HUH?! HUH!? WHY COULDN’T WE DISCUSS YOUR THOUGHTS ON MY GROCERY BUDGETING SKILL THEN!?
***Oh! Wait what was I saying again……
I hate it when someone approaches me in the store and tells me how well-behaved my children appear; it makes the rest of my shopping trip uncomfortable because I find myself trying to maintain the illusion and praying that their true colors will not manifest. Of course, the truth always comes out, an ugly fit ensues and the person KNOWS the truth–ewww, uncomfortable…
See, this is why I refuse to give compliments. Every time I do someone has to spend 25 minutes telling me all about themselves. Eventually I have to cut them off and say enough about you, but what about me. Because in my world it is all about me. ;)
Jack recently posted..Words And Music
Personally… and now you know I’m a wordy bitch who never shuts the hell up anyway… but I prefer the long chatty acceptance speech. Wouldn’t crappy awards shows be even more crappy if they just said “Thank You” and exited stage left? We’d miss seeing some has-been star’s 19 year old , questionably talented and obviously augmented, offspring looking constipated as they try to subtly yank some pompous actor away from the podium after 30 minute rambling diatribe in which they thank everyone and their cat for being just freaking tits during the production of their over hyped, brilliantly marketed,”work”…. much like this comment novella!
i think those comments of not accepting a compliment are just you being you. of course there are people who probably dont need to know all this, like the grocery-store check out clerk, but i think you shouldn’t hold back on who you are. because we like you like that.
bitt recently posted..in between rainshowers
Wow, this is totally me. I always have to justify something nice by saying that I got it cheaply or something. It’s definitely something I need to work on…thank you very much for calling attention to it for me! :)
…sounds like me too.
….clearly something I should work on saying too. Simple & Sweet: Thank You, and be done with it…
Right there with you..
The best what you’ve ever had? Oh… yeah well you caught me on a good day.
I’m usually really frigid but last night I got drunk and watched Flesh Gordon by myself so I kinda needed an outlet and also I just quit smoking so the fixation is…
Jennifer June recently posted..Creativity falls from vagina!
Oh man, I am TOTALLY the same way. I can dole out compliments fine and dandy, but God forbid, I actually accept someone saying something nice about me. I need to work on that. Now compliments like “Stop being stupid! You look good in that shirt!” **arm slug** I can accept. Or “I’m way dumber than you.” Those are more my style.
Alisha recently posted..Mix
GOOD LORD! this is me! Did I actually write this post and then you changed the names of my kids to yours? I do the exact same thing every time I get a compliment. So two of my best friends had an intervention for me and told me that when I get a compliment and I can’t squeeze the two simple words THANK YOU out, simply reply: “That is so nice of you to say so”. This is my new mantra and while it feels like I have had to quit heroin cold turkey, it’s starting to feel a bit more natural and less time consuming that letting everyone know my complete backstory behind every item. BTW, I only ever seem to shop at Marshall’s Target and Ross any more. What up with that shit?
i have exactly the opposite problem…people compliment me and i really do just smile and say thank you…and then hear them muttering something about bitches as i walk away. it’s a symptom of my reverse body dysmorphic disorder…you know, where i look in the mirror and see a smokin hot slightly chubby in a callie from grey’s kind of way.
on a for real note…this is probably one of your more endearing qualities. it seems the ones that embarass us usually are.
you’re a doll…
alisha recently posted..the skinny
I do the exact same thing. I feel the need to point out that the shirt someone likes was $2.00 at Target or I found it in the garbage. I don’t know why I do this. I think it’s my midwestern genes (and midwestern jeans literally).
And this is why we love you, Jill! You get deals on purses too? Your kids have tantrums too? OMG! Scary Mommy is, like, JUST LIKE US! It’s adorable and endearing. If you just answered with a cool ‘thanks,’ we’d all be ‘whoa, who IS that woman?’
The Flying Chalupa recently posted..The Top 10 Anti Heroes of 2010
Thank you for this reminder. I too make the same mistakes.
subwow recently posted..Wordless Wednesday
Right?!?!?! I do this ALL the time! How hard is it to say “Thanks?” I have to give these poor, unsuspecting strangers a full run down! I’m sure they wished that they never said anything.
I feel ya on this one.
P.S Just found your blog…and loving it!