Jill Smokler, AKA Scary Mommy
Latest posts by Jill Smokler, AKA Scary Mommy (see all)
- Dear Judgy Mothers on My Website… - June 15, 2013
- 10 Skills Every Mother Should Possess - June 10, 2013
- Perfection (Or pretty close) - June 3, 2013
I do not want any more children.*
I despise being pregnant. I am sick constantly. I throw up anytime, anywhere– sidewalks, stores, cars, front lawns– I’ve done it all. I worry about every potential abnormality and complication. I stress about lack of movement but don’t enjoy being kicked in the ribs in the least. I hate having to pee constantly. I can’t sleep a wink at night, but am unable to keep my eyes open all day. I am entirely unpleasant to be around for the full nine months.
The souvenirs my children have left on my body frustrate me daily. The baby weight is a bitch to lose. My stomach is a road map of stretch marks and my once bouncy hair is an undecided mess between curly and straight. I have a patch of gray hair above my right temple that I attribute solely to my children. My feet are a full size larger than before, and not one of my glamorous high heeled shoes come close to fitting my bloated stepsister feet.
I am totally content with the family I’ve created; I’m in love with them all. I’m happy that the kids are so close in age. I think three is a nice round number– not too many, not too few. I’m lucky enough to have both sexes. Lily is quite enough girl for me, thank you very much, and three boys just sounds insane. I feel like our family is complete. I’m ready to sell the crib and drop off the infant carrier to Goodwill. Totally.
So, why, when I hear of people who are pregnant do I feel this nagging, jealous pang right down to my ovaries? Is that normal? Because I don’t like it. Not one bit.
* (At least not for a long, long time. But, future child, in the slim chance that you should you exist, I wanted you and love you. Please ignore my rant.) Shit, now I’m talking to an nonexistent child. What the hell does that mean?
{ 31 comments… read them below or add one }
LOL!!!! God I soooo understand your rant- ant the little apology at the end is so me! I will head over in a bit and look up a old post to add to the linky. Gotta deal with baby first… thank GOD I am not pregnant right now, I think I would die!
I feel exactly the same way. Now that it’s spring, and everyone seems to be pregnant (or wearing clothing that makes them look pregnant–what?) I do feel a pang of envy. But it passes.
Fun! I am going to go home and dig up an old photo to post–a fun girl pre baby photo :)
SOOOOOO with you on this. I was pretty uncomfortable for both of my pregnancies. And the morning sickness (which was in reality an ALL DAY event) took forever to go away. It was probably 7 months before I actually felt “well.” And then the heartburn set in… But I of course feel incredibly lucky for this to be the worst of my problems. After having twins and meeting so many other mothers of multiples, I know just how many complications are possible.
So where is the Mr. Linky? I’m doing one of these tomorrow and have the button up – but don’t see the M.L.
Mr. Linky is a pain in the ass. He’s right underneath the blurb– for some reason you have to click on it rather than just see it here. But click and it should take you to the link page…
Heh. Stepsister feet. So true.
I have two now that I adore, but we’re just to the “sleep through 90% of the night & doesn’t wake up at 5 am anymore” stage with #2 and I am pretty stoked. My heart wants another, but I don’t know if my brain can do it.
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Pssh, I thought it was totally appropriate you added the end note for any future children. If it makes you feel any better I totally am jealous of pregnant ladies too. and I’m 20. Yeah, I scare the crap out of my dad on a regular basis with lines like that. Also I’m totally in for FLashback Friday, but I’ve only had a blog for two weeks so I’ll just find an old picture
Wow, you make pregnancy sound awful. ;) I’m lucky in that I was so excited to be pregnant I was smiling through the vomit and unending reflux and I didn’t even notice how my 5 ft frame was wider than it was tall. Actually, I thought I was sexy. Until the pictures came out.
After three, you probably have a much better sense of pregnancy reality. I’ll remember this next time I get that familiar ovarian jealousy. :)
I’m with you on feeling pretty content with my 3 (girl, boy, girl). And even if I wanted another, after 3 c-sections my body pretty much told me NO! I’ve posted to Mr. Linky too, even though it isn’t technically Friday yet. Wow, I’ve never been ahead of schedule before! Thanks
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I too have 3 children and see it your way, not too many, not too few. I do, however, have 3 boys. I wouldn’t trade it for anything.
I was fortunate, didn’t have sickness, loved being pregnant. The little mongrels did leave road maps and water ways on my hips and made my smooth, soft straight hair into coarse, wavy hair……..but only in the back. I loved it, all of it.
I’ll feel all sentimental seeing pregnant women and remembering what it was like – it lasts about a couple seconds! I cannot complain too much though, I really had it easy.
Great flashback.
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that’s a tough one. i have 4, and after 4 i KNEW i was done. maybe if you’re thinking you’re not done, you’re not, but as women who are the baby carriers, are we TRULY ever done with the maternal pull?
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Jill…the funny thing is, I don’t consider your blog post a rant, just sincere COMPLETELY reasonably linear thinking…even the side not to your potential future kids! Ah if we could all be so honest! I’ve been reading just rather quietly on this end. This was a beautiful post (as always), With gratitude, Laurie B. (I hope you have sent your blog and/or book idea into Martha!) You make the features she has had on her show lately pale in comparison.
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LOL>..I feel the same way about pregnancy and kids. My youngest is 9 and I still have baby pangs, even though I’m sure I would probably lose another organ if I did get pregnant…but still…ooohhh babies….
Yeah, I’m with you – I’m not even sure I want a third – except that I’m now 5 days” late” and I’m starting to freak. Which I think is a good excuse for why I don’t have anything funnier or smarter to say. No? Man, tough crowd.
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Great post! I actually loved being pregnant both times – but I was constantly worried. So much so that with my first pregnancy I avoided coffee to the extend that I didn’t even eat Coffee Crisp chocolate bars. With baby number 2, I wasn’t as worried, but still…
I think I’m good with my two boys because they are totally keeping me busy and I can’t imagine how taking care of another baby would be – but still, when I see other sweet little babies in those first few months – it totally makes me want another one!
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I have a gray patch in the exact same place. WTH?!
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No way in hell could I have done a third. NO WAY. So I’m completely with you on all of the above.
I posted to Mr. Linky. He is such a PITA.
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I love that you put a disclaimer on the post!
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About 6 months after I had my last child my “baby lust” turned on and I wanted another child. My husband is being all poopoo about it. Everytime I see a baby bump or someone announcing a pregnancy I get all …..aweeeeeee. I want one. Even though my shoe size went up a half size. It is hard to find shoes that fit me. Either it is tooo big or too tight. After My first child I noticed thinning on the top of my hair. I look yuck, but I still want another.
My husband says I am crazy. Hey, he married me! What does that say about him:)
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I have the aching ovaries as well. I have 3 boys who drive me to the brink of insanity, but I want more. No I dont think its normal and I LOVE being pregnant. I was fortunate enough to never have any issues while being prego. Too bad the hubby got snipped!
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I was thinking the same thing the other night as I was lying in bed! I get that jealous pang too and I don’t quite understand! I have 3 kids myself and my youngest is just 2 months old.. I too say that I am done having kids, but when I think of any of my friends or family being pregnant, I totally get jealous! No one I know has 4 kids…that seems like a CRAZY amount of little people! I will just have to deal with the jealousy!
HAH Jill! I was pregnant (probably 6 months along) and my ovaries hurt and I was jealous of my BFF finding out she was pregnant! I love being pregnant too, the thrill, wonder, excitement! Then, even in the months of sleep deprivation with a NEWBORN, I’d get the same pangs!!! WTF??!! WOW!! HAHA.
I’m with you!!!! Loved the disclaimer!!
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Love that disclaimer!
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Although I loved being pregnant (lovely skin, glow, BOOBs for once in my life, I could eat anything… I know, pls don’t hate)…we are so done.
It is so natural, this feeling. I mean, I’m almost 44 and it’s been over 4 years… and I still feel the ache every so often. But this is what my younger siblings are for….
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YES! Last week, as I was sorting baby/toddler clothes for a potential yard sale, I got this sudden dread that I would be jinxing myself. If I get rid of the baby stuff then I will surely get pregnant again. YIKES! (ditto on your PS!!)
What a great idea. I haven’t been blogging long enough to have old post yet but I will be putting the same post up every Friday for awhile to support the teachers in Ca. Not the same but close.
I liked being pregnant even with all the drawbacks right up to the last month and then I wanted it over with NOW. Not all of the things pregnancy does to your body shows on the outside. 34 years later and things still keep cropping up.
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I feel the same way after 5 kids. It never goes away!! Awesome flashback- I love reading stuff from before I followed you.
I could have posted this myself. I have 4, and that’s too many if I’m being honest. Yet, when my girlfriends get pregnant (…and wow have they. Must something in the water this year.) I am most definately jealous. I’ve waffled on the issue relentlessly but when it comes down to it, I’m done. I think.
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oh this is so true – so very true
I too suffer from aching ovaries! Every time the pain kicks in I take 2 aspirin and go to bed ALONE!! Thanks for the great post…enjoyed it!!
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