Ain’t No Mom Got Time For That


Sweet Brown captivated the nation – nay, the world – when she burst onto the viral video scene with her signature phrase, “Ain’t nobody got time for that.” If you’re like me, you think of that phrase several times a day during the daily grind that is parenting. So, for shits and giggles, I give you 30 ways ain’t no mom got time for that:

1. Washing hands while singing “Happy Birthday” twice. Really? By the time I’ve gotten through a few words, my child is already down aisle 12 at Target.

2. Shopping. Gone are the days of wandering the aisles, searching for the perfect dress. One word:

3. Bikram – 90 minutes for sweaty yoga? I think not.

4. Blow-drying the back of your hair. No one really looks back there anyway, do they?

5. Clipping your children’s nails. Until they come out with a bloody scratch on their faces, ain’t nobody got time for that.

6. Massages. Le sigh.

7. Going to Costco on a holiday. Nope. Just nope.

8. Oil changes. Is the light on yet? Ain’t nobody got time for that.

9. Socks. Is there anything that takes longer than getting socks on a young person?

10. Speeding tickets. There’s a reason we were speeding in the first place, k?

11. Trying on clothes (see former comment re: shopping).

12. Small talk at school. Really, just small talk in any form. Got a point? Get to it.

13. Getting sick. Moms can’t get sick. Ain’t nobody got time for puking and/or diarrhea.

14. TV-watching while lounging on the couch. TV-watching while folding laundry and packing lunches? Now that’s a whole different story.

15. Hangovers. Children wait for no hangover. “Milk NOW, Mommy!”

16. Drama. We may have been drawn to that at one point but, once you pop out those kids, ain’t nobody got time for that.

17. Anything that starts with “gourmet” or ends with “from scratch.”

18. Sewing. Home-economics failed most of us and, besides, ain’t nobody got time for that. It’s called the dry cleaners, people.

19. Cleaning out your car. Really – what’s the point?

20. Putting together photo albums. We’ll take pictures all day long but doing something with them? Ain’t nobody got time for that.

21. Makeup. Just so we can take that shit off later? Puhlease.

22. Waxing. Of course, most of us get it done here and there but we’ve all had that moment when we’ve looked in the rearview mirror and saw a chin hair that could be donated to Locks of Love.

23. Teacher conferences … in preschool. Really? He’s great with crayons? You don’t say! I’ll look into Ivy League schools as soon as I get home. (Sarcasm, on the other hand? We always have time for that.)

24. Marathon training. A 3-hour practice run on the weekends … when we could be sleeping? WTF?

25. Bento boxes. Ain’t nobody got time for compartments.

26. Jury duty. There should be an excuse that you can check that simply says, “I’m a mom.”

27. Car trouble. This is akin to death. Seriously, just shoot me.

28. Phone trouble. Sadly, most of us would rather probably have the car trouble.

29. Boo-boos. When they’re really little, we fuss and fuss over boo-boos. After a few years it’s, “Here’s a Band-Aid, kid. Go nuts.”

30. Sex. ‘Nuff said.

About the writer

Marnie is a freelance writer and mom to two nutty boys – Finn, 5, and Declan, 3 (and 2 two chubby pugs named Fred and Olive). When not writing, she's usually working out or cracking a bottle of Malbec. Screw moderation. You can find her irreverent mommy blog at LoveButBlog, on Twitter, and on Facebook.


alicia 1 year ago

agree except with the tv watching and sex…please you better believe im going to have some kind of fun with my hubby after the crazy day i have…men need it but so do moms

Savannah Soule 1 year ago

I have never seen a chin hair and I still do pretty much all of this ….. especially the sex we still do it probably once a day which is a cut back but still good.

Maggie Draper 1 year ago

Massages…ahhhh. I miss those days!

Maggie Draper 1 year ago

Massages….ahhhh I miss those days!

Jamie Morrison 1 year ago


Katie Sue 1 year ago

Lol “chin hair that could be donated to Locks of Love.” Hahaha!!

Heather Mitchell 1 year ago

I agree with everything except washing hands and nail clipping. Come on. You can’t wash your kids hands? The number one reason we live so long is because of hand washing! That’s no little thing. Same thing with nails being clipped: bacteria stays there, and then in the mouth those fingers go. Ew!

Gabrielle Hymes 1 year ago

Haha! I thought the exact same thing! Our meals are from scratch and I mend our clothes because I ain’t got time and money to be throwing around for no reason!

Elizabeth 1 year ago

Agreed on all counts.
Small talk – The second my phone rings, my 2yo devises his elaborate mastermind grand plan on how to fk everything up in a 20km radius.
Got something to say? Text me. If you feel like I don’t want to talk to you, your intuition is five star.

Heather 1 year ago

Omg! As a single mom of two boys who also works from home….A to the men!

Emily Sindt 1 year ago

#22 we’ve all seen a chin hair that could be donated to Locks of Love lmfao!

Gwen Olson Clark 1 year ago

#23 is awesome! We had his first conference at 13 months. Really?

Amee Collins Drahos 1 year ago

Love, love, love this, I so couldn’t have written it any better–bravo and thank you!

Kensy McCarthy 1 year ago

Funny but unless you’re a parent that’s doing it all on your own, there’s plenty of time for some of these

April Moore Pier 1 year ago

In Texas, being a stay at home mom with no alternative child care gets you out of jury duty.

charisse 1 year ago

Laughed through this whole article. Thank you so much.

And sarcasm….we “ain’t got nothin’ but time for that.”

Hope Hoekstra Prochnow 1 year ago

Ummm…how about voicemail messages?? Really?? Just text or email me!

Joelda Aguilera 1 year ago

#21 Right on Point..LOL

Chris Pedersen-Brown 1 year ago

#19 clean out the car? Bahahaha!

Kathie Bopp McSweeney 1 year ago

lol read this while Kerry was sleeping. got to the nail clipping one and out the phone down to go take care of that

Linda Jones 1 year ago

Love your list! Just not enough hours in the day for all of that. I’d also like to add computer trouble, which I had to contend with recently. Calling for tech help and being placed on hold for a ridiculously long time to begin with, then being transferred from one countless rep to another, getting disconnected, having to call back and hold again… I do not have the patience or time for that at all!

Jenni Lynn de Dios-Coile 1 year ago

Lol, but I will be making time for Bikram!

Cinzia S Pereira 1 year ago

#2, man, do I miss online shopping!!!
#9, I don’t know why I even bother with socks – the second I put them on him, my 4 year old has already taken them off!
#13 …

Cake 1 year ago

Door to door sales people. I told my 10 year old to respond to the door knockers “Is your mom home?” With “No, she died. Fuck off.”

Lala 1 year ago

I have sms bombed my husband in a meeting and had his secretary, the file clerk and the receptionist go into the mtg with a note to have him call me so I can tell him the world has stopped spinning the moment the washing machine did, so If it means dragging a repairman himself over here or lugging a new washer into our home I CANT get behind on my laundry. Its like dealing with rising flood waters! Anything can break down and I can find another way, but I have ZEROOOOO time for a broken “environmentally friendly” I mean “wimpy ass fragile ” washing machine to break. I just lose my mind, I cant even sort out an answer, no washing machine = no thinking skills just panic for this mom.

Michelle Weisman Wizov 1 year ago

Ok I have time for bikram but only because they have babysitting and I feel like I’m multi tasking while sweating – facial, working out, etc

Andrea Ubl Funk 1 year ago

#26 – I was summoned earlier this summer…good thing I never got called in otherwise I would’ve shown up at the courthouse with 4 kids!

Josee Provost 1 year ago

Made me laugh out loud

Amanda Brooks Gardner 1 year ago

#4 haha true story

Sarah Malaney 1 year ago

#24 I’ve got time for! It’s how this mommy stays sane!

Amanda Nieman 1 year ago

Lol! Some of these are so true!

Lindsay Woody 1 year ago

#21!! Bahahaaahaaa!!!

Liz Gully 1 year ago

My mom lived with me when I was single and the kids were little and I remember waiting for her on the front porch (she worked, I stayed home) because I just couldn’t be in that room with them one more minute. I am relatively confident they were safe, but I knew I would lose it if I couldn’t get away. We still laugh about that!

Dawn Short Bauman 1 year ago

Hilarious.. Need to add ‘eating while sitting down’!

Billie Jean Munn 1 year ago

Hahahaha!! This is so fucking great! But, seriously, I’m going to have “ain’t nobody got time for that” stuck in my head for days again!!! Lol!!!

Katie Thomas 1 year ago

I love this list and the comedy she treats it with! Seriously, do mom’s still put photo albums together? Lol

Serina 1 year ago

I refuse to give up #14 or #30. Seriously. Ever.

Amalia Zaragoza 1 year ago

ALL OF THEM, Except for cutting the nails. If I don’t cut her nails, I get bloody scratches and tiny pinches full of rage and hate from my toddler!

Cassandra Renee Enlow 1 year ago

Always make time for 30.

Nicole Van Hoose 1 year ago

I know lots of drama mamas. The focus of their drama may just change.

Summer Joy Moffitt 1 year ago

Love it!

Monique Perreault-Gutierrez 1 year ago

#12,13,16 are my favorites…

N 1 year ago

Hilarious!! Really appreciated the good laugh!!!

Asherlee LaPlante 1 year ago


Julie Costanzo 1 year ago

#29…..Is it bleeding or bent in the wrong direction? No?? Get over it!!!

Michelle Noplis Nascimento 1 year ago


Khyaati S 1 year ago

i’m *so* guilty of #5.

and #13, amen.

and #14, yep.

and the last one, well, i’ve been saying it for years, given a chance between sex and a nap, i’ll take the nap, please!

Jodi Gonzales 1 year ago

Lol exactly!! Except the jury duty thing here in Texas or at least in my town there is an excuse you can check that says “I am a mom” well not in those exact words but yeah.

Erica Childers 1 year ago

#22 and #23 really struck a chord! :)

Becca Phillips 1 year ago

This is perfection. Absolutely on time, I love it!

Rebecca Wilber 1 year ago

#4 is my favorite. its humid. Its gonna fluff out anyway….

Elliot London 1 year ago

#26…I did my level BEST to get dismissed during voir dire that morning. But nothing I said saved me from being selected for the jury. Same day trial. I’ve never checked the clock so many times in my LIFE. And when we were relieved of our phones before retiring for deliberation? Oh. The anxiety! Now it’s 4:30pm. Now 5:45. Seriously? I need to get out of here to get my kids from the daycare! Just let’s make a reasonable, fair decision here and go! I never argued my position so perfectly and concisely in my life! Man… I left there thinking I should have gone to law school instead :)

Tricia Lyn 1 year ago

So great

Michelle Chappell 1 year ago

Hilarious because it’s true

Nancy Hard Hopkins 1 year ago

Spot on! Love this

Kayla Kreutzer Neemeyer 1 year ago

Add daycare parent teacher conferences. No my 2 year old does not need improvement on her alphabet. Let’s conquer potty training then we’ll worry about abc.

Danielle Grays 1 year ago

I agree with everything but #23….parent conferences in preschool aren’t important to parents until they get to kindergarten and find out their kid is on the other side of special. I get parents every September coming back saying why you didn’t tell me… I tried.

Nicolette Robinett 1 year ago

Lmao at #22 :)

Helen Russo 1 year ago

OMG, everything is true! Well except the waxing. That shit hurts, never EVER doing that again!

Kimberly Thompson 1 year ago

Spot on! I barely had time to read this!

Lindsey D’Lugos 1 year ago

So true! Except I liked jury duty :) it got me out of work! LOL

Harpreet Panesar Tsui 1 year ago

#16 for real!! Ain’t nobody for time for all that drama.

Mori N Pep Torres 1 year ago

LOL! The life of a mommy! love this =)

Kathy 1 year ago

Shopping – my very pregnant daughter was shopping for a maternity bathing suit with our darling 3 year old granddaughter in tow. She tried on one bathing suit and DD said ‘No Mama, No, No’ Mama looked in the mirror and said she had to agree. 3 year olds are so very honest.

Jennifer Williams 1 year ago

YES!! Yes!!!

Cassie House 1 year ago

#16 I wish some people felt that way. I kno plenty of people that are still drawn to it.

    Marnie 1 year ago

    Word! That’s a friendship deal breaker though. :-)

Colleen Baxter 1 year ago

Thank you once again for making me feel normal :)

Julie Thaxter-Gourlay 1 year ago

I got out of jury duty because I was SAHMing. Go NY!

Becca Gaskin Webb 1 year ago

#26. I’ve been called to jury duty three times since becoming a mom. Not trying to shirk my civic duties, but I’m a mom of four kiddos…. In a foreign country. I’m not spending thousands of dollars to fly home (plus pay child care) on the possibility I *might* get chosen. Nope.

    Helen Russo 1 year ago

    I’m hoping to shit not in contempt of court. I faxed in a request for “delay” last week and forgot to follow up and make sure it was approved.

Abigail Bundy Noonan 1 year ago

Oh boy…..
“13. Getting sick. Mom’s can’t get sick. Ain’t nobody got time for puking and/or diarrhea.”

The last time I did get really sick, my husband took the day out of work and took care of the kids… was awesome.
At least until the next day, when he went to work (to make up the lost income) and fell off a second story roof.
I will never again say I’m sick….even if I’m almost dead.

    Audrey Flud 1 year ago

    Right? And really, even if you’re nearly dead, it’s about better to just be up with a bucket in the living room to make sure the house doesn’t catch fire.

Nicole Snyder 1 year ago


Kelly Sullivan Thompson 1 year ago

So funny!!!

Michelle Morales Stradnick 1 year ago

#8 is going to lead to #27 so you better have time for that!

    Marnie 1 year ago

    ha ha, That’s too true!

Sheena Barnes-Allan 1 year ago

Lol #12…I despise small talk. Just say what ya gotta say.

    Madelyn Stearns 1 year ago

    I asked my fiancé last night “Honey can you land the plane please? Not sure what this has to do with anything.” He did land the plane and it was relevant but it was taking too long for my brain lol. Poor guy. and I’m not even a mom yet. Just a busy stressed out nanny.

    Sheena Barnes-Allan 1 year ago

    Lol I have to tell my husband the same!

Alaina Wollenzien 1 year ago

I’m a first time mom of a 3 month old son. This is hilarious and I already know the feeling of a few of these! Perfect! Thanks for posting this

Tifni Hill Emmons 1 year ago

So true lmao.

Chelsea Hopson 1 year ago

So funny and true!!!

Sabrina 1 year ago

Ha, very funny :-) I’m grateful that my husband is a car person and knows how to deal with stuff under the hood because I have no clue what I would do otherwise.

Karly Howell 1 year ago

#23….so glad to know I’m not the only one who thinks that those are ridiculous!

Kathleen Ibanez Arnold 1 year ago


chill 1 year ago

Bwahahahahahaha!!!! Totally agree with them all!!
And the “Sarcasm, on the other hand? We always have time for that.” Amen, sister!

Nuru 1 year ago

Small talk! No No No-Point please!!
I was not a small talker before kids and I really have Zero patience for it now! Husband, co-worker, phone solicitor, client….get to the point or let me go! I no sooner read this than got a call from a person giving me the whole story of their last call before telling me who they needed to speak to-really!?!

    Marnie 1 year ago

    Right!? Small talk is, and always has been, the worst!

    Erin 1 year ago

    My mother is the small talk queen. She will chew the ear off a stranger in the checkout line. Within 10 minutes they know how late she’s running, the awful day she’s had, what she’s planning for dinner, and all about her upcoming spiritual event- she reads people’s auras… And when she calls me, it takes her an hour to get to the point or ask me a question. One. Damn. Question. I have a wild 2 year old! I definitely don’t have time for that!


Enjoying this? Then like us on Facebook