Liquid Ass does exactly what is promises to do — stink
There’s a product for sale on Amazon called Liquid Ass and it’s exactly what it sounds like. Liquid ass. It’s a spray that smells like farts and poop, and according to its hilarious reviews, it’s beyond authentic.
“Liquid Ass is an overwhelming, stinky, funny prank product. Once unleashed, this power–packed, super–concentrated liquid begins to evaporate filling the air with a genuine, foul butt–crack smell with hints of dead animal and fresh poo. Each spray of this soul shattering liquid summons the Ass Genie to manhandle your senses,” the item’s description reads.
And why would you want to invite that brand of horror into your home? For giggles, obviously.
“Watching the facial grimaces of people and hearing their comments about the part–your–hair, gagging stench will have you laughing until it hurts.”
You know what else will have you laughing until it hurts? The Amazon reviews for it.
Kay says the spray “magically cleaned her house.” “This stuff literally smells like ass,” she writes. “Bad Ass. Horrible Ass. You need to go to the doctor Ass. Tried it out last night on my boyfriend.”
5pm: Boyfriend on laptop in livingroom. He had been there for hours, so I decided it was time for him to get up.
5:05pm: Sprayed Liquid Ass three times on a sweater in the other room, then nonchalantly dropped it in the livingroom, about ten feet away from the boyfriend.
5:06pm: Boyfriend asks if I forgot to turn the bathroom fan on.
5:08pm: Boyfriend comments on how stinky the cats poop is.
From there, Kay’s boyfriend was on a destink-ifying odyssey throughout their home. He cleaned out all the cat litter boxes, picked up dirty laundry, and washed the bath mats. He decided it wasn’t the cats after all, so Kay decided to take advantage of the situation. “At this point, after seeing all of the good this spray had done, I sprayed it thrice more; once in each bedroom and once in the living room.”
“Boyfriend sweeps and mops all of the tiled floors, sprinkles baking soda over the carpet and vacuums the entire place. During this time, I make sure my bottle is hidden really well. I can’t afford to get caught on this one,” she writes. He ends up taking out the trash, loading the dishwasher, and finishing up the laundry. That was when he discovered the stank-ass sweater. “He decides the cat must have wiped his paws on it and says we need to make an appointment with the vet because the smell is concerning.”
Kay says she will now be using this spray once a month in her house to keep up the boyfriend cleaning spree. “Thank you, Liquid Ass. Thank you.” she writes.
Her prank turned into a free housekeeper, but others were just flat-out fun, like this wife who dumped a bunch of Liquid Ass on her husband’s backseat car carpet.
Like the scent of 30 dead squirrels. OK, I have this in my Amazon shopping cart. I’m officially intrigued.
And feel free not to limit yourself to pranking a significant other. Your kids will enjoy a little Liquid Ass in their lives too. The perfect revenge for all the actual liquid ass they’ve inflicted on you throughout the years. One dad was trying to get his kids to calm down for the night while his wife was out and since they were all riled up, he decided to let the Liquid Ass reel them in. While his hyper sons hid in the bathroom, he used the spray to smoke them out. “So we are all aware of the comedic value of this, but I wanted to present a very practical use for all of you parents,” he writes.
“I went and grabbed my little bottle of Liquid Ass, took it back down the hall quietly, and carefully sprayed two full spritzes under the door. All went quiet behind the door, and then I hear, ‘What was that noise?’ Then all went quiet. About 15 seconds later I hear, ‘What is that?’ Then silence, then, ‘WHAT IS THAT SMELL?!'”
“They all begin screaming in a panic and falling over each other trying to vacate the bathroom and flee down the hall. I’m on the sofa with tears coming down my cheeks laughing like a madman. It was marvelous,” he writes.
Literally everyone who tries it is sold.
And for the criminally low price of $9.22 (with Prime shipping!), you too can have your very own Liquid Ass to repulse your loved ones. Happy Holidays.