I have often wished that all of my wonderful bloggy friends lived right down the street. How I would love to share dinner and drinks with them in person, rather than toasting each other through a computer screen. Sadly, Christy from A Lil’ Welsh Rarebit and I just discovered that we used to unknowingly live a block away from each other in the heart of DC. How unfair is that?! We’ll get to hang out at BlogHer in a few weeks, but Christy is one person I’d love to have around now. I just know we’d be friends…
I can’t stop crying. Don’t worry – not literally. I mean, I CAN stop crying…it just seems like I’m crying an awful lot lately. And about nothing in particular.
Like yesterday my friend emailed me and said something that really touched me, and I started crying. Then I replied, and she wrote back, and I cried some more… And the day before I was looking at another friend’s profile on Facebook — she had a few random pictures posted of her attending someone else’s (who I didn’t even know) birthday party. And I started really crying. Bawling. ?!?! I hadn’t even seen that friend in 12 (TWELVE) years! We’ve been emailing today and there have been even more tears.
I am not even sure why I was crying…Is it because I am feeling just a little bit isolated being a stay at home mom? Dare I even complain about being in a position that I feel unbelievably lucky to be in, in the first place? I never thought I’d want to stay home, much less be able to…and now that I am, I absolutely love it 100% of the time. Seriously – I do. My daughter and my husband light up my life.
But I also miss my identity before Ms. Foo came along. I don’t think I used to define myself by my job. But I worked damn hard to get to the position I was in, before I decided to stay home. I was finally getting paid to write. And now, I write for fun. Here. And all the new friends I make will know me as Christy the mom. But I’m so much more than that, I think. Aren’t we all?
I miss seeing my old friends in Virginia. Friends who knew me when. Don’t get me wrong, I have friends here in Philly. Great friends. Fabulous friends. Friends who have kids and friends who don’t. Friends who love to eat and drink and play Hearts till we pass out. Friends we traveled to Brazil with last year. (I wouldn’t travel to another hemisphere with just anyone.)
But we don’t get together nearly as much we should (boring). Why is that? Baby goes to bed early and sleep really does reign supreme. But still… She incubated in my womb for over nine months, and I naively thought we’d have some freedom after she emerged. Instead, she is now incubating inside the four walls of our home.
So I find myself crying for a bit, and then motivating to get out of the house…for instance, Ms. Foo and I went to Wegmans and to a Mommy and Me activity at the mall today.
I know other moms feel the same way, but god it feels good to get out of the house and talk to other adults. Ms. Foo’s babbling is adorable – but I didn’t even realize how much I missed interacting with other adults until we went to our first playdate last week. I felt so unsure myself – it was crazy! I felt like I had to explain everything to a child…when I was talking to fellow adults!!!
I was telling myself – stop – be normal! But I swear it was hard. It’s like I’ve forgotten how to speak to people I don’t know. I talk to my husband, mom and various other family members on the phone all the time. But other moms I don’t know – not so much. That’s why I’m so grateful to have stumbled upon this moms group in my town – it is so nice to talk to them in person, in real life!! It’s pretty funny, really. It’s easier for me to speak to my six month old baby and three year old black lab than it is for me to talk to a roomful of fellow thirty-something moms. Ludicrous.
I wish I had someone I could call during the week and say, hey, want to come over for dinner tonight? Matt’s working late and I’ve got HGTV on tape, chicken marsala on the menu and a bottle of prosecco with your name on it. And though I don’t have that person/those people to call yet, it’s got to be just a matter of time.
I’m sure my hormones have something to do with it…Six months of breastfeeding, after nine and a half months of pregnancy, after a year of fertility treatments will do that to a woman, I suppose.
I know, I know, I am so blessed. My life right now is pretty freaking awesome, and yet…it doesn’t feel complete.
So, for now I’m content with my happy little family and my friends who I don’t see often enough and my play date friends and the emails and blogs of my friends from home and the new blogs I’m discovering and the occasional visits from my family. But I hope one day soon I see my friends more often, and have some spur of the moment HGTV and prosecco, because could it really get any better than that? I think not.
{ 33 comments… read them below or add one }
Jill – thanks so much for having me over today! I can’t believe how close we lived to each other in DC – such a small world! Hope you’re having a great vacation and I’m so excited to meet you in Chicago!
christy´s last blog ..We interrupt this broadcast…
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I am sorry, Christy. I know that not all crying is bad, and can be a wonderful release, but I can relate to the hormonal aspect of this and it’s brutal.
Be kind to yourself. And I’ll be there with prosecco when you’re ready. Although I may insist that we watch The Real Housewives instead.
Marinka´s last blog ..Michael Jackson’s Death Is Tearing Our Family Apart
Twitter: MarinkaNYC
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i heart you. tears and all.
nic @mybottlesup´s last blog ..sweet indulgences
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I don’t care what Marinka says, I want to watch HGTV, not Real Housewives, so that’s two against one.
Yes, that transition to SAHM is not easy and does feel very lonely. I don’t know if I’m not lonely anymore of if I’ve simply gotten used to it. Besides, all the voices in my head are GREAT company!
Heather, Queen of Shake Shake´s last blog ..He came to me for a reason
Twitter: QueenofShake
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Christy – lovely post.
Belgians are so lovely and sociable (not) we don’t even have mommy groups. I wish we did, because I know all about being lonely at home with the kids.
I just found a lovely friend who will do the video and prosecco thing with me, and would you believe it – she’s moving back to the States in under a month’s time, returning me to the hellhole that is non-stop mothering. – I know! Bitch! How dare she leave me on my own.
I don’t normally cry, but I’m sure I will that day.
Mwa´s last blog ..That good old aaargh time
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I will celebrate my 2 years of working at home next week. While working at home I have a 2 year old under feet. My greatest joy is Wal-Mart and dinner out once a month and sometimes I hang out at the grocery store too long just to be around other adults so I feel your pain! I joined a mommy’s group last month and that has made things a lot easier since they are all in the same boat as me ;’)
Erin ´s last blog ..Wow, Where Has the Time Gone!
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you sure said it. I so wish those same things. I so want to reach into my computer and pull out one of my bloggy friends when I need them.
Jen, buried with children´s last blog ..Lets Go Swimming, Lets Go Swimming….
Twitter: buriedwithkids
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I am working now, but I honestly had a hard time staying at home when I was on maternity leave. I loved that time I was able to spend with my daughter, but I totally missed the social aspects of life. None of my friends (with or without children) really included me in things since they figured I’d be busy, so I spent my days planning walks and trips to Target with Delia. I finally joined a playgroup and just recently they started planning monthly mom-only nights. It is a chance to get to know some of the women better. Hopefully a mom in your playgroup becomes a friend who you can have over to watch a movie and have wine. *hugs*
Kelly Deneen´s last blog ..Booty
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I totally get it. I get sad about mostly connecting to friends through a screen too. It can be a little suffocating, this at-home stuff. You don’t have to apologize for feeling lonely sometimes, it doesn’t mean that you don’t want to be home, it’s just so normal.
I’m so glad to have met you here in the great big blogosphere! Can’t wait to meet you at BlogHer lady! In two weeks. Ack!
Heather of the EO´s last blog ..I’m a total (pretend) rock star
Twitter: HeatheroftheEO
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Ah I totally understand!! I love being at home with my babies but there are days where I just want to feel human again talk to a adult.. Sigh it sounds like complaining it’s really not just lack of adult interaction .. Thank goodness for the Internet it does help. Great heartfelt post!
Jodee´s last blog ..The 7th…
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Oh, sweetie… very honest post… and it totally touched me, too. I hear you. I had a very active social life before kids – we were out every night – and now it’s not that often anymore! Yes, I do get to work in an office environment, so I do get some adult interaction during the day, but still… being a mom can be lonely. I was home for one year after I had Dimitry, my youngest, and we would go out but not usually with other moms/babies. I don’t have that many mom friends IRL. My two best friends with kids live 5 hours away from me, so that just sucks! Anyway… just wanted to say you are not alone… I’m just glad we have this blogging thing going on to keep us all a bit more sane, you know?
Twitter: MrsLoulou
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CHristy!
I COMPLETELY relate. Everything shifted and changed so much when I became a sahm. I am so grateful to be able to do so, but it is hard and it can be lonely. And I do have problems talking like a normal adult anymore! Ha. I talk very emphatically and in a high-pitched baby talk tone. :-)
Great post!
-Jonna
Babe in Babeland´s last blog ..Trick and Treat Times Two
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All I can say is I can relate! All I remember from when my 1st daughter was born was the sleepless nights, the crying (from both of us)….and yet when I read what I wrote in my journal from that time, I only wrote about how happy I was to have a beautiful baby. ;)
Twitter: 1momof5
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Understand completly! i am a young sahm and live in a rural area. we never get out and dont know anyone.
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I can relate to this so much. My husband works all day, we only have 1 car which he has to take, so it’s impossible to just get out when I want. Cabin fever much? The only other adult I have to talk to is my mother and, yeah. It’s not the same as a friend, to say the least.
Crystal´s last blog ..Flint
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At least you can be assured that you won’t be crying constantly forever; these things some and go. In the meantime, I’m glad it’s “good” crying.
Mrs4444´s last blog ..Mostly-Wordless Wednesday
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girl my youngest is a little over a year old. i have been pregnant for the better part of 11 years and i am just now starting to regain a little horomone control;)
ThatMommy´s last blog ..The Hurrier I go The Behinder I get!
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Your post made me realize how thankful I need to be regarding my close friends. Sometimes you don’t realize what you have until someone shows/tells you how it could be. We are lucky and blessed to live in a wonderful subdivision where we have made several friends (couples). There are 5 of us ladies who get together once a month for Ladies’ Night. We take turns hosting the evening. It is fabulous!! And the funny thing is…. we range from 55 yrs to 26 yrs. YES! I’m serious!! All are mothers exept one but she’s a stepmother….. so we’re totally random but love each other so much!!
I wish for you to find something like that!! Family is priceless but so are good friends who you can share with and rant about said family.
Cookie Crums´s last blog ..A few pics
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I have been feeling the same way the past few weeks. But now I got a job 2 days a week that I start in Aug. and I am having the hardest time just thinking about leaving my daughter. It will be good though….that’s what I keep telling myself. Ohhh and to just reach out and grab our bloggie friends would be ohh so nice.
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Wow – this really hit home for me. I feel so fortunate to have the life I have and get to be home with my son. And I left a job that I enjoyed and was well paid for. But I would not trade it for the time I’ve had with my little one. There are those moments though, when I do get tired of toddler speak and reading “Brown Bear, Brown Bear” for the 100th time. I’ve started taking grad school classes online to stimulate my brain and that has helped so much. So, there is a balance one can find.
Thanks for sharing!
T Rex Mom´s last blog ..Shadow Chasing
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I have a 4 1/2 year old and an 11 month old. I’ve just learned that I’m going to be laid off when my year-long maternity leave ends next month. And all of the sudden I’m having an identity crisis. I have no plans to return to work, I’m going to be an at-home mom for a while. And even after 4 1/2 years of parenting this has thrown me for a loop. So I understand how you’re feeling.
And if you get out there and cultivate the friendships they will come. I have people I can call at the drop of a hat now, and it was just a matter of time and exposure. It’s like dating all over again. Sort of awkward and weird until you get the hang of it, and then once you’ve found some good friends you hope you never have to do it again.
Amber´s last blog ..Out of the Loop
Twitter: AmberStrocel
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Your so right, it can be lonely, but this few years of babble from our kids will fly by oh so quickly and we will be back to ‘who we used to be’ before we know it!
And..I would totally share a bottle of bubbly with you, wish we lived closer!
Melissa´s last blog ..Hammocks & High Tea
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Aw, sweetcheeks. It’s so funny how we see things…until we see them through someone else’s eyes. A whole day at home with my (non-existent) baby!?! Dude, that souds AWESOME. Until I realize that it means being alone. All day. With said stinky, needy (but adorable) baby. With no adult interaction. And hormones. Yeah, you put it that way and it doesn’t sound as rosy afterall. I wish I lived closer to you because I would SO come over for dinner, wine, games, and TV! I’d even bring a backup bottle, just in case ;o) Hang in there, sister. ((hugs))
Notesfromthegrove´s last blog ..Red Phase
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My darling! I feel for you because I was in your position many moons ago with my first child. I so wish we could live in the same city cause I would be over watching HGTV (my old addiction) sipping my wine and eating your food. You will make tons of new friends now that she is getting older, and I will be reading about it crying my eyes out cause I am certain I will be jealous. Darn ocean between us…where the heck is Scotty when you need him, cause he needs to beam me up. Hugs sweety and hang in there!
Charlie´s last blog ..Elina Helenius Retreats
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I think we all go through phases in our lives when we feel isolated and/or lonely. Our relationships with friends change as our circumstances in life change — we move to a new city, switch jobs, have kids, or a multitude of other things.
I think the big thing is that nobody really likes CHANGE. And when change happens, we aren’t so willing to go with it. But once we do, we realize that change isn’t necessarily a bad thing :-)
You’ll get your speaking ability back, I’m sure :-) And hopefully one day you’ll get back to making money with your writing :-) But in the meantime, enjoy what you’ve got — ’cause you’ve got something great going on!! :-)
Kelly
DesignTies´s last blog ..Welcome to our first Rewind Wednesday!!
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Friends are so important………it’s a hard adjustment to parent…..especially more than one…..and those hormones should be illegal.
angie´s last blog ..Wordful Wednesday-trips to Los Angeles
Twitter: 7clowncircus
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Yep, that sounds about right… or wrong or however you’d describe it. We’re so fortunate to be at home, but there are still bits of us that need more than what “home” can offer. As far as conversing with adults again, that’s why I’m here. IRL, I can’t backspace/retype inappropriate gibberish.
Ryan Ashley Scott´s last blog ..Not Me! Not my husband
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Christy – What a great post…honest, heartfelt and very much something that a lot of moms, including myself, can relate to.
Life is filled with good and sad…as long as the good outweighs the sad (which in your case it outweighs it by lots!), you’re doing OK.
Anastasia´s last blog ..When I’m Most Happy
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Wait – is that first e-mail friend me? I totally think it’s me…
And I remember the isolation of being home with your first baby. I went back to work after 3 months – but those first few months at home were pretty intense. An yes – hormones really do play a role.
Scary Mommy – we may have crossed paths many times. Christy is only one of five of my friends who lived in that little G-Town building. We called it Melrose Place. Good times…
Kate Coveny Hood´s last blog ..Why I Think Michael Jackson Was Guilty As Charged
Twitter: BigPieceofCake
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christy Reply:
July 17th, 2009 at 7:45 pm
Yes Kate, that was you. :)
christy´s last blog ..$150 prize from AllModern.com
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It’s this crisis of identity that flushes us all out of our little rabbit hole homes into the big, bright, lovely world of the internet. Even though virtual can sometimes be a pale second to real touch, face-to-face stuff, it’s still a REAL lifeline.
I would have gone bat shit crazy by now if I hadn’t started writing and I barely have my sea legs in this amazing community of women – my head is spinning with all the BlogHer talk and excitement (I’m not going) and all the established connections between soandso and whatshername. But I’ll happily put up with the confusion and the virtualness of it all because it’s helping to reshape my identity: a woman who is a mother and writes.
Cheers, girl!
Jessica – This Is Worthwhile´s last blog ..Grieving is like barfing: It hurts, but hopefully you’ll feel better
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Great post Christy. I remember feeling very lonely those first few months home alone with a newborn. It’s a tough time. Don’t give yourself a hard time though. I think you can love your daughter and being at home with her, yet still not love everything about it… like the loss of adult interaction.
I wish we lived closer because I love Prosecco. I’d be there in a heart beat.
Kirsten´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday: View From a Tuesday
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Oh, yeah. A mix of post-pregnancy hormones and a lack of outlets and adult interaction will do that to you. Been there. For what it’s worth, it does get better. But I didn’t like the organized playgroup thing at all, it made me nervous. I much preferred taking a walk with the baby and just ending up exchanging a few words with moms at the park. Much more relaxed. And of course there’s always Twitter ;-)
Elisa´s last blog ..No way, baby.
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I’ve felt like I don’t know how to talk to adults anymore, and I’m not even home full time. There’s just so much you have to process all the time as a Mom, I think it’s a huge adjustment – and takes a while to “get your groove back”!
Kari´s last blog ..A trip to the Zoo…a lesson in expectations
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