Are You Smarter Than a Kindergartener?*

Although I don’t always remember my dreams, I am often haunted by the same one: I am back in college and quickly approaching graduation. Suddenly, I remember that there was some class I couldn’t handle and intended to withdraw from. Unfortunately, I never did withdraw, which meant that I had just been skipping the class all semester, resulting in a failing grade that would prevent me from graduating. I wake up from the dream breathless and panicked, because although it was just a dream, it is easily something I could have actually done. Even in my half-sleeping condition, I realize that much.

I was always a pretty terrible student. My report cards from grade school spoke of creativity and potential a hell of a lot more than they did actual performance. I just knew that I would somehow end up in the arts, and a knowledge of things such as biology and calculus was totally unnecessary. Somehow, I managed to graduate from high school and then a top university, grateful to be done with all things education. Forever.

Except, I had kids. Again, perhaps if I had paid more attention in school I would have understood that you need to actually educate your children. And I’m just not cut out for that.

Even in kindergarten, Lily’s homework perplexes me. Short A verses Long A— what the hell does that even mean? The diagrams, the patterns and the problems make no sense to my brain. Even though I know the answers, my way of getting there still differs from the “right” way and I can’t even imagine how I will deal with her homework five or ten years from now. Perhaps I should have paid more attention in class.

At least I can teach my children that lesson.

* P.S. I had to Google “kindergartener” to see how it was spelled. And it’s totally not how I thought it was.