Jill Smokler, AKA Scary Mommy
@scarymommy
Latest posts by Jill Smokler, AKA Scary Mommy (see all)
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Melissa, a former elementary schoolteacher gave up teaching to embark on a much more glamorous career as a domestic engineer. Writing and blogging became her passion after she realized that she was scrapbook challenged. She would like to thank her 3 little girls for providing endless material for ceoofdomesticaffairs.blogspot.com
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I am an awesome mother…on most days. I know that one of the things mothers should never do is compare our mothering skills, but we do. In our moments of self loathing, we doubt our parenting choices and skills. We all have “friends” on facebook that keep us posted on how amazing they and their kids are. We hear about their fantastic family trips, their made from scratch meals, and the numerous awards that their kids win. We rarely hear about the messy stuff… the things about motherhood that we all can relate to. I give you one of my Epic Fails in motherhood to make you all feel better. (At least you were not THAT mother….)
June 21st, 2011
In the past three weeks, I have survived a 3,000 mile family road trip and little C’s tonsillectomy and recovery. Who knew that on top of that, today, the summer solstice would bring with it an epic Mommy Fail moment.
I was rocking it today. It was one of those days when things were getting done and the kids were cooperating. I was feeling great about my mommy skills. I even listened to the Vacation Bible School CD four times in a row. That in itself deserved a few gold stars.
One thing I have learned about parenting is to enjoy the moment, because it could all go from calm to insane in no time flat… which is just what happened – my Epic Mommy Fail moment.
It was another blistering day of 100 degree heat. The meteorologists were excited, yapping about a 15 percent chance of rain. At some point in the morning they mentioned that (or suggested that) we should all wash our cars to bring on the rain. My 4 year old, Little C, heard this and begged me to get a car wash after her post-op doctor appointment. Sweet! (If that can be the bribe for good behavior at the doctor’s, it is a win win as far as I am concerned.)
I fill up my car with gas and get the receipt with the carwash code printed on it. I should be suspicious when I notice that the code is 666. Baby A is happily babbling in the car and C is chomping at the bit waiting for the rainbow colored soap. We very slowly drive the “swagger wagon” in, savoring the moment when the under carriage is being washed. I remind C to make sure that her little pop-out window is, in fact, closed. She cheerfully yells, “Check!”
I put my car into park and just as the car wash begins to really get going, baby A begins to scream (not a fan of car washes). Little C is giggling and singing, “At The Car Wash, doobie doobie doo….MOMMY, my window is open. I am getting wet!!!” I launch myself over the seats until I am at the back of the van and pop the window back into the locked position. C finds this whole thing hilarious and is laughing. Baby A is screaming. Since I am in the back seat, I attempt to calm her down and give up when she hurtles a book at me.
The little sign in the car wash now flashes CRYSTAL CLEAN RINSE, the last cycle. Once again, I scramble to get to the front seat. Due to the diaper bag in my way, I crash over the front seat armrest bonking my head somehow on the door control button.
It is like slow motion… I hear C scream, “The door Moooommmmmmyyyyyy.” Next, I feel a fire hose force of water pummeling the inside of the car. Baby A is wailing. I fumble to find the button to close the door. Screw the dry cycle, I floor it out of the wash and pull into the parking lot. I’m sobbing, baby A is screaming, and C is laughing out loud. I get out and open the door. Baby is soaked from head to foot. Her hair is wet and water is dripping down her face. The stack of diapers I had at her feet are now bloated with water. I unbuckle the poor water logged baby and attempt to calm her. We are all fine, however I fear that down the way baby A may be in therapy, suffering from a debilitating car wash phobia.
After all of that, now it had better rain, damn it!
Don’t you feel better now?
{ 35 comments… read them below or add one }
Thought I had a crappy day when I spilled Little A’s milk on her lap during dinner.
At least the inside of the van is now clean, right?
Chris @ CleverFather recently posted..Her First Sleepover
I’m sorry but I was laughing so hard as I pictured you tumbling around trying to close one thing as another opened. I also sympathize. We’ve all had those moments though yours has cleared mine away momentarily! Thank you for sharing and giving me a much needed laugh. You’ve made my day.
Bee @TheJugglingAct recently posted..Refreshing and Easy Breakfast
::snort:: I’m not laughing at you – I’m laughing with you!
Sorry you had an Epic Mommy Fail moment – but thanks for sharing; it’s nice to start my morning off with a laugh!
Gigi recently posted..How is it that I can be SO proud and yet so heartbroken at the same time?
Hilarious! Also, now I understand why people aren’t allowed through the car wash in their cars in Italy anymore.
Moomser recently posted..Marriage, it is like a drug that just won’t leave you be.
Too funny! On a side note, my “baby” is learning how to drive, so now I’m screaming “MOMMMMMMYYYYY!” every time I’m in the back seat.
Lynn from For Love or Funny recently posted..My dog looks weird in lipstick
Oh no! That wasn’t a fail, I think you did pretty well under the circumstances. At least you are all cooled down now, AND the baby won’t need a bath tonight!
xx
Mrs BC recently posted..Mr BC Catchs Crabs
hahahaha – oh heavens – hilarious!
Yeah, after the ticket code of 666, you should have declined the wash.
Deb recently posted..My thieving and unfocused offspring
I’m dying. I died. *tears* I can see it now, all happening in slow motion. Epic. And, totalyl something that would happen to me. So, thank you!! (I attempted a car wash a few days ago myself, but it was broken. Now I’m thankful!)
Sarah recently posted..Thoughts on Routines (and how changing them can make a world of difference)
You can add it to the never ending list of “stories we won’t soon forget.”
Christine recently posted..Upcycled Canister with The Graphics Fairy
I honestly am not laughing at your traumatic experience, but I will admit that I laughed out loud while reading this! This is a scene straight out of any mom’s life! Bright side? No baths that night! :) Thank you for sharing it.
Awe your poor child. Hopefully enough time has went by that they are no longer tramatized by the site of a carwash. I have not had that experience, as my youngest loves car washes and we have the cleanest car in town b/c it gets washed on a weekly basis to be ‘squeaky clean’.
Nice morning giggle though, at your expense.
Regina recently posted..Finding Coupons
Great story! Thanks for sharing. You described it so perfectly it’s etched in my mind now. I’m with Mrs. BC. That wasn’t a fail; it was a crazy situation that you handled well. Now, if you.got out of the car and screamed at the top of your lungs, “F— me!” so that heads turned and your little one started screaming it too, that might be a fail:)
Pauline recently posted..The Battles Week 2: Memorable Moments and Quotes
I am visualizing this and laughing my ass off. I’m so sorry, but car wash phobia has me snorting. Like Sarah above, I can see it all in slow motion, and Little C laughing at the oooh! fun! water! is making me laugh harder. And yup, I do feel better now (especially after turning too fast the other morning and knocking the shit out of Z’s forehead on his bedroom door).
Arnebya recently posted..Walk This Way
Oh my goodness… that’s hysterical! My story of falling into the pool while picking my daughter up from her horseback riding camp is paltry in comparison. Love it!
I strongly dislike (we’re trying to teach our little one not to say hate) those crazy parents who only post what is “amazing” about their day. #1- their liars! There is no way that many great things can happen. #2- they are being very choosy about what they post. Kids make messes, throw fits, and mommies have bad days where nothing goes right. I’m so glad that there are mommies out there (like you) who are brave enough to tell the truth and make the rest of us feel better about our mishaps.
Cassie recently posted..Renovation: Day 2 & 3
I don’t think you failed at all! I think you have a great story that y’all will laugh about twenty years from now, when they are home from college for the holidays. That is a beautiful thing!
Carol recently posted..SXSW for Kids – A Parent’s Review 2012
YOU DID NOT FAIL! Infact you did outstanding!! You were like the hero mom :) although you may have not seen it that way and baby A still did get soaked, the fact that you took all the steps to avoid all of it makes you a hero in your childrens eyes!! Well, I am first to admit that my parenting skills are not perfect and I have had days like your story… but the important part is that in the end, you were all ok, now you can laugh about it- I sure do when I have moments like these. No ONE is a perfect parent I dont care how they try to post on facebook on their perfect lives and parenting..truth of the matter is, we all screw up and have moments like your car wash!! LOL the joy of parent hood. Thank you for sharing your story…
At least your daughter didn’t tell you that the sound of your voice makes her ears bleed like mine did the other day. I think she was kidding, but I’m not sure! :)
Christina Rodriguez | The Diva’s Home recently posted..Fabrics and Color
Oh my word I just laughed until the tears were rolling. That is freaking hilarious!!! Great post!
Rebeccah recently posted..Do You Support Women’s Sports? I Haven’t And That Need To Change.
Yeah, I don’t think I can compare with this one. Just another reason to avoid the minivan in my opinion! Love this post, Melissa, and great to see you here!
Leigh Ann recently posted..I got your back, Twilight Sparkle
Haha, poor baby.
Mercy recently posted..Summer Fun – Water Painting
That was hilarious!
Seriously Sassy Mama recently posted..Whole Lotta Stuff
OH MY GOD HONEY! I cried laughing and thought this is why minivans are the devil! I don’t even know how to respond other then….
Come on over we will have a drink!
Sweety Darlin recently posted..UPDATED: You can call me…..All Mighty Mommykins!
Ha! I love it!! At least there was laughing!!
Stephanie recently posted..At Least They’re Healthy
I knew there was a good reason to never wash my car!! Thanks for making me laugh today!
Amanda recently posted..Jacob’s Upcoming Birthday
Too funny! And you’ve given me yet another reason why I’m glad I’m not on Facebook. Having to be reminded about other moms and “how amazing they and their kids are,” would not serve my Mommy Psyche well at all. I prefer the “messy” stories…they’re much more fun!! And more relatable after all.
Yes I do feel better now! *LOL* I had to read this out to my husband cause I’ve had my own share of “messy” moments but fortunately this isn’t one of them. At least you can laugh about it now. And your van got a good clean ;)
zeemaid recently posted..Don’t Have a Cow Dude!
Oh, that is AWESOME! I love the waterlogged diapers and baby. Poor kid. It will take you forever to get that kid into a shower now.
Martha recently posted..Trayvon Martin’s Murder Sends Message about Equality
That is a RIOT!! I can see it all playing in my head too!! Thanks so much for the laugh!
This is hilarious!! I am sure you weren’t laughing at the time, but I hope you can get a good laugh out of it now.
Rebekah @ The Golden Gleam recently posted..Papa Plays – Coin Sorting
This is my fear!! I always worry something like this will happen but now that I know you survived it I guess it will be ok!!
Holly at 300 Pounds Down recently posted..Video updates
OMG. I can’t even imagine. And I need to get my car washed… my send my husband alone to do it now!
Marta recently posted..#HungerGames Hangover
I haven’t read anything his funny in a long time. Picturing all this happening in my head and tears were streaming down my face I was laughing so hard. Thank you for your sense of humor that you could share this and I’m glad everyone was ok.
This made me laugh SO MUCH! I can see it all happening! But, I, too, am laughing with you. My almost 2 year old boys absolutely HATE the car wash. They scream at the top of their lungs when we go through it (which is almost never) and it takes them a good while to calm down. I now take the car through when they aren’t with me.
I don’t read many of the fluff blogs. The rainbows and roses blogs of motherhood because frankly, that just hasn’t been my experience. It is HARD and I screw up ALL the time.
“The child psychologist who thought she had all the answers to parenting until she became one herself.”
http://www.themommypsychologist.com
The Mommy Psychologist recently posted..PMS Turns Mommy Into a Monster