Parents, we made it. Summer is finally over and it’s time to send the kids back to school. We imagine our faces now look like teacher’s faces in the last weeks of the school year — we’ve seen some things we wish we could unsee. It’s been a long few months.
So it’s understandable that the bus driver is basically our hero. Or that we get misty-eyed seeing that beautiful car line at drop-off. We survived another summer and now it’s time for school again. And of course, the funny parents of Twitter completely understand the joy this special time of year brings and are tweeting about it with the reckless abandon of a person suddenly free for the first time in three months.
1. They will once they’re parents too.
Kids will not appreciate pics of you popping champagne corks after you drop them back at school
— Meh AF (@TheAlexNevil) August 24, 2016
Oh, you mad? Too bad.
2. Go Pinterest-official or go home.
If you don’t take a picture of your kid with a chalkboard & write what grade they’re entering, is it really the 1st day of school?
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) August 16, 2016
These are the times we’re living in, parents. Commemorate with a twee chalkboard covered in intricate designs or GTFO.
3. Bye kids!
The only thing that brings more joy than the laughter of a child is when the school bus comes to take them away.
— Rodney Lacroix (@moooooog35) May 3, 2016
Is it wrong to roll out a literal red carpet for the bus driver on the first day of school? Because if it is, I don’t want to be right.
4. So. Many. Reps.
But me dragging my kids into school.
— Marlebean (@Marlebean) October 6, 2015
Sometimes, they don’t want to go as much as you want them to go.
5. Exactly where it belongs.
Files kid’s school fundraising info safely in the trash.
— Kate Hall (@KateWhineHall) September 22, 2015
This will sound cruel to any first-timers but if you’ve been around the block once or twice, you’ll know that the initial “send us money” paperwork is only the beginning. You will be asked to donate money at least 47 more times this school year. Gird your loins.
6. Avert your eyes, kids.
I want my kids to have good memories from their childhood so I’m hoping they forget what I wear to school drop off most days.
— Jennifer Lizza (@outsmartedmommy) February 26, 2015
I am a living, breathing, tire fire at the bus stop most mornings so yes, I’ll hop on this selective amnesia bandwagon very enthusiastically.
Sorry I gave you a high five when you said your kids went back to school today…I thought you were fake-crying to be funny. My fault.
— Domestic Goddess (@DomesticGoddss) August 23, 2016
You mean….you haven’t had a special dry-erase calendar you’ve maintained all summer gleefully counting the days until school starts again? Huh. Alright, then. Maybe we can’t be friends.
8. Not a bad start.
This morning’s back to school dress rehearsal went well. If it were the real deal, the kids would have only been 2 hours late for the bus.
— Amy Flory (@FunnyIsFamily) August 25, 2015
After a summer of feral children staying up until all hours, it’s a god damn miracle if they make it to the first day of school by lunchtime. Two hours late is the new on-time.
Parenting goals: Keep children alive until they’re old enough to be handed over to the public school system.
— Cray at Home Ma (@cray_at_home_ma) October 26, 2015
Please, school. It’s been five years. We’ve given all we can give. It’s your turn now.
10. A rookie move.
Me: *buys a year’s worth of snacks* OK kids, remember, these are for school.
Kids: *have already eaten all the snacks*
— Lurk @ Home Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) September 3, 2015
My kids put away an entire club-pack of mini-muffins I had set aside for school lunches in a matter of half a day. The designation means literally nothing to them. You need to buy a special snack safe. There’s no other way.
11. It must be commemorated.
Other parents do back-to-school pics of kids holding signs w/ their grade on it & mine are just a series of selfies w/ me & the bus driver.
— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) September 9, 2015
Reunited and it feels so good.
12. Because, of course.
My kids go back to school on Monday so of course they just figured out how to sleep in.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) July 28, 2016
Practicing for a career in farming all summer, sleeping like half-drunk college kids the week before school starts. And so it goes.
13. We are beyond ready.
Nothing makes you love school like your kids suddenly not having it for three months.
— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) June 30, 2016
It’s been a long summer. Good luck, teachers!