Jill Smokler, AKA Scary Mommy
Latest posts by Jill Smokler, AKA Scary Mommy (see all)
- Dear Judgy Mothers on My Website… - June 15, 2013
- 10 Skills Every Mother Should Possess - June 10, 2013
- Perfection (Or pretty close) - June 3, 2013
Before I had children, I had a lengthy mental list of things I would never do as a parent. My non-nos included things such as a never letting my children teethe on car keys, chew gum or sit on the floor in restaurants (gross, classless and impolite, in no particular order.) Needless to say, I’ve broken every single one of those self-imposed rules, and it’s only getting worse by the day.
Previous to having children, I thought a toddler with a Mohawk was as trashy as it gets. Now that I have my own little two year old, I think it looks adorable. Ben spent today at the mall looking like a pint sized delinquent.
I used to judge parents who made their children special meals to eat, rather than dining on what the grown ups were. Now, I’ll do just about anything to get dinner into them. Ravioli, grilled cheese, lasagna, chicken fingers and macaroni get rotated throughout the week. Kraft Mac & Cheese used to be epitome of all things bad, served up in a bowl. Now, when I cook my children delicious, homemade macaroni and cheese, they whine and ask for the “real” one in the blue box.
Parents who let their children dress themselves in clashing outfits they picked themselves used to be lazy and negligent. Now, they (I) are instilling creativity and responsibility. Princess dress to school? Fine. Mismatched shoes? Whatever. Character shirts used to make me cringe. Now, much to my dismay, we have Dora, Diego and Scooby Doo. Before, playing outside naked would have been totally inappropriate, Now, if it passes the time, it’s not only acceptable, but genius.
I grew up resenting having a camera shoved in my face at all times. Most of my childhood pictures contain me rolling my eyes at father. He was so annoying about it–why did he have to document everything? I swore I’d never subject my own offspring to such atrocities. Now, I’ll venture to say I’m even worse than he ever was. Want to know what Lily’s first phrase was? “No cheese, Mommy!” When my dad visits, I challenge him with getting the perfect shot of all three. I barely let him put the lens down the entire time. How did this happen?
I’ve learned, in the past four and a half years, never to say never where my children are involved. These little things are just not worth the fight, especially at six o’clock in the morning. I’ll leave the promises and judgment to the next generation of parents to be. Soon enough, they’ll be breaking all of their own self imposed rules as well. I think it’s a rite of parenthood passage. But please, please shoot me if I ever employ a child-leash or dress Lily in a skimpy bikini. That is where this mommy draws the line. And I really mean that.
{ 26 comments… read them below or add one }
We apparently were both the best parents before we had children. Hah! I made and broke every promise that you have. My favorite pre-children pearl of wisdom was that my children would never drink juice. It was just empty calories and nutritionally void. I’m sure the juice gods laugh at me as I’m throwing fruits and veggies out of my grocery cart to make space for the 20,000,000 bottles of juice we go through in a week.
Dawn
Great post and soooo true! I swore that I would never open food in a grocery store to keep my kid quiet. Never. Now it is a ritual.
And I totally agree with the bikini thing!
I put the angel in a bikini when we were on vacation… I also let her be naked on the beach. I use a pacifier. I let her drool all over my cellphone and the TV remote. I let her drink not-fresh-squeezed juice. And GASP, I even let her chew on some fries from Mc Donalds :(
What the heck.. rules are made to be broken right!
LOL, I have walked in those very same shoes! Although I used to abhor the “child leash” too – until my overly curious and very fast 2-year-old bolted in a crowded Christmas-time mall and was lost for almost half an hour. That cute little teddy bear backpack with the leash (which she loves to wear even around the house) is a-okay with me now.
I’ve learned to never say never… especially now that my teenage boys are piercing stuff and dressing weird!
So true, so true!
oh the grand plans I had! the pre-kids Amanda would be ashamed :)
you’ve got an award waiting for you over at Martians )
GREAT post!!! We have all been there and if someone says they haven’t they are LIARS! Now go feed them sugar and don’t wash their face.
I was never going to yell, not tolerate public fit throwing, not even take kids to a restaurant where they could possibly bother other diners…. now I could give a CRAP if anyone around us has a peaceful meal…so there.
hahaha Love this post. So so true!!
My boy is ALL about mismatched shoes these days – on purpose. Strange sense of style but far be it for me to stifle his creativity.
I’ll watch this space for the bikini though :)
Sooooooo, over the weekend, Kenny and I were walking our adorable dogs downtown. They have Puppia harnesses (super cute and nice) and walking toward us was a woman with her kid on a leash. I agree with you-totally stupid. I do not know what happened to my brain to mouth filter, but when she was passing by I said, “Mine are totally cuter than yours. You should check out Puppia’s.” I am such an idiot…
Girlfriend, RESPECT the child harness. It isn’t a leash. It is a very effective child protective measure, especially when you’re in a strange airport by yourself with a 2-year-old and an 8-month old. Nothing is worse than trying to get to your gate on time, pushing an umbrella stroller and carrying carry-on bags, when your toddler yanks out of your hand and goes off running. I am TOTALLY speaking from experience.
And, I so completely agree with your post. It makes me very nervous, when I know others are looking at me and judging, the same way I looked at parents and made judgments. I know they don’t know what my life is, what I have to deal with, etc. We’re all different. But I hate that feeling of a total stranger thinking, “ugh. That mother is horrible!”
Yep… been there! I was never going to say “because I said so” or let my kids watch TV before age 2, among other things.
Weird how motherhood changes your whole perspective on things, huh?
We are on the same wave length – I have been thinking the same things these last few days, but mine are a lot about what people say… For example, I always thought it was so stupid when parent’s would say, “if you break your leg don’t come running to me.” Now I catch myself saying, “Ok fine, but when you fall down and get hurt…” Oh the joys of parenting – may we all call up our parents and say “thank you” and “I am sorry.”
Last week I offered my 7 year old $5 to go to sleep 20 minutes early. I’m pretty sure THAT wasn’t on my list of Things I Will To Do Ensure That I am the Best Mommy Ever!
Isn’t that the truth sister!
One by one they go. Over the past month my kids have started watching tv almost daily. Blue even told daddy that she wanted to go see Hannah Montana.
Oh well, at least my girl friend can;t call me the Amish mom anymore.
I am still try to keep the High-fructose corn syrup out of the diet as much as possible.
I did give Blue a Bikini for her 4th birthday but it is not skimp. What could I do…she said she wanted one so she could be just like momma.
I guess anyone who has kids can relate. I am so with you on the character T’s, the mac and cheese…Kids change the way we look at things. I guess they help us to lighten up and not take things too seriously. Thanks for a great post. You have a wonderful blog.
Everything you said is oh so true. I can’t keep a rule for nothing. But, they are still young. The only rule that I have kept is the kids don’t eat candy. Maybe a candy bar every once in a while, or halloween. But there is no hard candy allowed in my house!
Boy does this sound REALLY familiar. You’re in good company. And for the record, I draw the line at toddler bikinis and child leashes too.
Ditto, ditto, ditto. I laugh when I think of how I used to parents when I didn’t have children. I have broken everyone of my rules twenty times over. At this point it’s not about living, it’s about surviving!
I couldn’t agree more! great post!
Isn’t it so “cute” to think back to that pre-kids girl you once were? You know? Back when you knew everything? LOL!
“teethe on car keys”. LOL. Oh that’s a must!
I love this one!! Love it.
I am SOOO not the mom I thought I would be.
And I wouldn’t change it…
Oh yes, the things I have done that I swore up and down I’d never do. I think we’ve all been there at some point!
I’m getting there. Thank goodness I didn’t do enough planning to put to many “nevers” down on the table, or I’d be in real trouble!
I think it’s OK though. Honestly, we live, we learn.