Being A Scary Mommy

So, I write this weekly column for Cafe Mom’s The Stir. It’s an awesome gig; every week I submit some sort of fun countdown and in return, they pay me. I know, right? It’s the very best kind of work.

The posts over there are the same tone as here– highly sarcastic and meant to be taken with a grain of salt. Most weeks, the comments I receive are broken into two camps: Wonderfully supportive and fucking asshole; there is really no middle ground. This week’s topic was Lies Mothers Tell and the response was no different. Some moms piped in with lies they spewed to their offspring: The ice cream truck plays music when it’s all out of ice cream, (genius!) that mother’s have eyes in the backs of our heads (my children totally believe this ever since they tested me as I was sitting at my reflective computer screen– score!) and that Chuck E. Cheese doesn’t allow mothers in the door. (Mark my words: I will never step foot in that hell-hole.)

And then there are the other mothers. The ones who always leave comments like this:

“I don’t tell any of these to my kids, and I don’t see how lying to your children is something to brag about.”

“I’m so glad I don’t treat my son like he’s stupid. And I’m so glad I actually parent instead of lying to him because telling the truth is just ‘so hard’ and ‘inconvenient’. Whatever. Be a happy member of the Lying Mothers Club. I’ll stick with honesty.”

Wow. Lying to your kids is something you proudly post about? I think you really might be the bottom of the barrel type of parent. This isn’t funny, isn’t admirable and I truly hope my children never cross paths with yours.”

“I realize this is a bit tongue in check but the thought that it’s quite alright to lie to children and encouraged in some instances is disgusting.  I am aware EVERY TIME I lie to my child… I just don’t think lying should be part of “good parenting.”

“Lying to your kid is horrible parenting. If you have to lie, then you’re doing it wrong.”

Every week as I scroll through comments like these, I am struck by a few things: 1. People need to lighten the hell up. 2. Who are these women who take things so seriously that they leave comments like this on a humor column? and 3. How can I assure that I never, ever run into them in real life?

But, even more so: Why does tearing other mothers down seem to make some people feel better about their own parenting? Are they so insecure that they need to bash other people in order to feel OK about themselves? Do they just have no sense of humor? Or, do they just not like mine?  Yes, I sometimes lie to my children. I sometimes ignore them. I have let them eat off of the floor if it gets them to digest their veggies. I do a million things that other mothers judge me for. But, I would rather find the humor in my lack of “perfect parenting” than pick apart other people. And it allows me time to actually enjoy my kids instead of trolling the internet to judge other moms. Which seems like a far better use of time. If you ask me.

About the writer


In addition to being the founder of all things Scary Mommy, Jill is also the New York Times bestselling author of Simon and Schuster’s Confessions of A Scary Mommy and Motherhood Comes Naturally (And Other Vicious Lies)

From Around the Web


stephanie 4 years ago

To an extent its lying. More of a white lie type situation really. Every parent I know including myself have done it. It will not traumatize your kids, and it is funny that these mothers are getting their feathers in a bunch over it. I feel like I sometimes am too honest with them when it comes to death or other serious matters like sickness. That is more tramatizing than “eyes in the back of your head” grow up “perfect mommies” as if there were such a thing

Kate 4 years ago

The moms who say they don’t lie to their kids….are lying :)

Summer819 4 years ago

Couldn’t agree more! I will never understand why some mothers feel the need to judge or critique other mommies. Maybe they suffer from low self esteem. Maybe they need validation that they are doing the “best” job. Whatever their reason, I hope they make it through motherhood okay. If not for a sense of humor and other mommies to be sarcastic right along with me, I sure wouldn’t survive. I’m fine if you wouldn’t do any given mommy task the way I do, but just don’t get all holier than thou and tell me I’m wrong for it.

A 4 years ago

If you lie to your kids, you really can’t say anything when they lie to you. You taught them, after all.

Katrina 4 years ago

We judge each other because we’re all secretly afraid that we’re doing it wrong.

My personal pet peeve is women accusing other women of whining too much. I wrote about it here:

Ilseken 4 years ago

LOL… I love your “crazy Christian” comment. I just made a FB entry about that too, they drive me to drink! (which I am sure they would judge me for, GOOD!)
Good for you for being a new parent and still finding the time to have fun, your child will learn from your example. Kudos.

Ilseken 4 years ago

So I know one thing for sure.. well a couple of things actually. With my first child, I was (almost) like those uppety gals, wanting to do everything right, rolling my eyes at those moms who fed their kids hot dogs (nitrates!) and let them eat off the floor (germs! hair!). Then I had two more kiddos, and it was either lighten up or check into the nuthouse. My house is officially a mess now, my kids’ clothes are not ironed and their hair is not always combed, and I still don’t like it but at least I have learned to live with it. And guess what, my oldest daughter, who was on the verge of becoming a 5-year old neurotic, snooty wreck because of my modeling behavior, is now (4 years later) a happy, well adjusted kid. As are her younger sister and brother. I wouldn’t go back for any money in the world, and I KNOW that our mothers and grandmothers lied to us all the time and none of us turned out to be serial killers… Maybe those goody-two-shoes moms need a reality check.

cara 4 years ago

You said it girl! Why even post just to cat fight and bash over the internet… I pray I don’t run into them in this crazy enough world… I am positive they wouldn’t like me…. lol

CDubs 5 years ago

Scary Mommy, I think I love you.
Just found your blog thru a fb post, and really, you seem to hit the naiil on the head every time.
I kind of want to be your best friend, but not in a weird creepy way.
I have been wondering about similar things lately — my wife and I just had a baby (born 1.19.11), and like every new mom, I’ve gotten a hella crap from what feels like the entire world, but what really bugs me are those people (often well-meaning, I hope?) who say: Gee, you’re still finding time to have fun, aren’t you? Or “Parenting hasn’t slowed you down one bit, huh?” Judgy, judgy, judgy. Even posting a fb comment about “judging not that ye be not judged” didn’t stop the onslaught — quite to the contrary, I got into a long and kinda funny in its own way debate about what that passage really means (ask me if I care — I don’t — I’m the farthest thing from a crazy christian).
I guess what I’m trying to say is that I can come up with easy answers as to why so many seem to have a need to judge others — insecurity being the main one — but maybe the real answer to the astute question you raise is who cares?! Who cares why these people feel the need to judge, or leave rude comments on your page. Instead, let’s celebrate your honesty, your wit, your willingness to share and your generosity, and if we want to be Really Big People, let’s hope that maybe in the smallest little way your keen observations about life and parenting bring these jokers just a wee bit closer to living an authentic life?
You kind of make me want to write a blog.
Signing off,
Your Newest Biggest Fan and so-not-creepy-stalker.

Coconuts 5 years ago

What you ladies lack is tactical planning. My 4 year old was invited to a party at the aforementioned Hell Hole of germs so I ambushed my husband into taking her. I made sure I had a conversation with my 8 year old about how happy it made me that Daddy had been spending so much time with her at the softball field but I sure would like some Mommy time with her and suggested a mani/pedi. When it came down to divide and conquer for that day, he had lost the battle before it started.

P.S. the Mommy’s are not allowed in Chuck E Cheese is pure genius!

Lana D 5 years ago

Ahhh, the Stepford Mommies. These are the ones whose homes are always perfectly kept and whose children are perfectly dressed with socks that actually match and who prance around with shoes-matching-bags.


These are the mothers whose children end up in the Bell Tower!

Patricia 5 years ago

I just read the article on mothers that lie. Heck, I raised four kids and not a day went by without some snippet of wisdom shooting out of my mouth! And, to all you “good” mothers out there, hand sanitizing has gone FAR ENOUGH! Let the kids eat some dirt now and again, it builds immunities. We are raising a generation of germaphobes and if you think healthcare costs our outrageous now just wait.

Melissa Punchak 5 years ago

Life is short, gotta laugh! I told my child that the chip factory closed down and that’s why i didn’t buy him a bag.

Maegan 5 years ago

Might I suggest a book titled, “Great Lies to Tell Small Kids” by Andy Riley?

Things like, “Wine makes mommy clever,” & “Rain is Jesus’ wee-wee.”

I own this…and his Bunny Suicides. Fantastic reading.

Tot Thoughts 5 years ago

This is brilliant! We have a “no lying” rule in our house which I find extremely challenging to enforce when it comes down to the hundreds of things I lie about: I know everything (as luck would have it, I’ve been able to surprise my kids in just enough circumstances that they believe this), I can heal your owies with kisses, yes there is a Santa Claus (and friends), if you don’t eat with your fork I will cut your fingers off (ok, they 50% believe that one but that 50% is enough to keep them in line), etc. The question isn’t whether we lie to our kids but why and how to do it in a way that doesn’t undermine our respect for them.
– Karla

The Domestic Yogi 5 years ago

Oh thank goodness. So refreshing! I love people who can poke fun at themselves and he honest about themselves!

Donna 5 years ago

I went there, I read it, and I laughed my butt off. I also commented and left a few more lies. If you’re not lying to your kids, you’re making parenting harder than it has to be, and you’re NOT doing your kids any favours! They need to know the facts… Ice cream trucks HAVE run out of ice cream when the music is playing!

Dorothy @ Kids Birthday Party Places 5 years ago

People has a different point of views. As a blogger you need
to have a long patience because you can not please everybody…

Allison @ Alli n Son 5 years ago

High five from an also less than perfect mom. Let’s bond in the humor or it rather than pick fights because a mom is less perfect than we are. Who wants to be perfect anyway, it’s way too much work.

Sarah 5 years ago

ha ha ha!

Sarah 5 years ago

I love you both! I wish I knew you personally. I keep posting links to your entries on my FB account and this one is up there too. I just lughed in one loud outburst over the genious ice cream truck solution.
Brilliant. And I love your ability to deflect these crazy commenters. Way to be.


Terry 5 years ago

Everyone tells little white lies sometimes and really?…Who doesn’t lie to their children? (weirdos, that’s who!)
My favorite 2 lies I’ve told:
-When my oldest daughter was small (before she could read), she would only eat Chinese food at the Lucky Dragon. Therefore, all Chinese or Asian restaurants I wanted to go to became the Lucky Dragon.
-Chuckie Cheese is always being remodeled. (wow that took years to redo!) Have yet to step foot inside as a mother.
Whether they believe me or not, the oldest now will pretty much eat anywhere and anything plus they stopped asking to go to Chuckie Cheese years ago. Lying obviously gets results!

amyski 5 years ago

Don’t they need to eat a pound of dirt over the course of their lives anyway?

Rebecca 5 years ago

I totally run across this on a daily basis with someone I work with! Every time I mention a strategy I use for my son, she ends up ripping it apart but worst of all she tries to be really nice about it. UGH! Makes me so pissed.

The other day me and another co-worker were discussing “time-outs” and how effective they are, how you actually get a 1 or 2 year old to sit in a time out, etc.
She comes in with, “Oh, maybe you should try a time-in. Because…waa waa waa wa waa waa” I totally blocked her out after that comment. Who the hell does a time-in anyway? What does that even mean? Guess I should have listened to the rest of what she had to say.

But, most of the time it’s just BS anyway.

Keep doing what you do, because I love your humor and honesty!

Sunday 5 years ago

I think these PollyAnna mothers who leave these vicious comments on your posts are really trying to make up for their own inadequacies and their putting you down is a way they pull their dwindling self esteem back up.

Or perhaps they just haven’t got laid in a really really long time.

The Flying Chalupa 5 years ago

Lately, I’ve been seeing more and more of these types of comments and I, too, am kind of stunned.

And I feel so freakin’ bad for the kids of these moms! Because giving a kid 100% honesty and talking to them like they’re an adult is giving them a first-class ticket to Issues-Ville.

Just laugh at ’em, Jill. Not that they’ll hear you seeing as how they’re so far up on their high horse.

Elena @NaynaDub 5 years ago

Couldn’t agree more! One of the first blogs I ever posted was about how my kids won’t eat & I’m their short order cook. I had a guy who commented & gave me a list of things to try, how could I give in to their demands and how could I promote this behavior. He didn’t remotely get my sarcasm & obviously needs to chill.

The Mayor 5 years ago

All of us who have been through a couple (or in my case 6) pregnancies that have rendered our bladders leaky…we will never have to worry about our pants getting totally on fire from all the lying.

I must run with a bad crowd because in all my years of mothering I have never met a mom who doesn’t do a little lying now and then.

Wendy 5 years ago

Seriously, my kids were better off thinking that the Ice Cream Truck plays music when its out of ice cream- I never had to worry about them running across a busy street. Telling them that lie was better then having to tell a lie to my Mother-in-Law ( or the Medical Examiner and CPS) about how they got hit by a car while crossing the busy street. And BTW, I want to know if those uppity Mommys tell their kids ” Yes, Sweetie, youre the best player on the baseball team” when their kid cant even find 1st base, let alone hit the damn ball? Oh and dont even get me started about what they tell the kids after they get Botox or a boob job or when they drink too much, or when their Dad is banging the Nanny…..The Truth? I think NOT!!!….. ok, getting off my high horse now, and going out to find the non-music playing ice cream truck, on the busy street.

Dee S. 5 years ago

Seriously?!? I know these mothers – I’ve seen them at the school functions where you can see them secretly judging all the other mothers around them who don’t quite meet their standards. As I happen to fall in to the category of ‘not quite up to the perfect mother standard’, but also in the ‘all my daughters classmates want me in their group on school trips’ – I know which group matters more to me.
Yup – I lie to my daughter – regularly. I protect her from the horrifying truths of the world whenever I can, and soften the ones I can’t fully cover up. She also believes in unicorns and dragons, and someday we will travel the world in search of said creatures. And if we don’t find any? You betcha – ‘they must all be hibernating this time of year!’ 😉
And anything at all that keeps me or my family out of the horrors of Chuck E. Cheese, cannot by definition be a bad thing.

Julia’s Child 5 years ago

Your detractors are lacking in self knowledge! Is their every squeal of delight over the play-dough food they’re served by little chefs in the play kitchen thoroughly genuine? Is that green crayon squiggle really “beautiful!” and “amazing!”
Have they never lost a game of Uno intentionally?
I think not.

Julie 5 years ago

Makes my day when I come across other moms with fully-functioning senses of humor. Thanks!

TornadoTwos 5 years ago

Amen! We HAVE to find the sense of humor in parenting or else we’ll go looney! I’m going to go read your post, but I’ll stay away from the comments, they’ll just make me mad. And for the record, yes, I have lied to my kids. My most recent one was to my 13 yo son who was sneaking treats in the kitchen: “Don’t think you’re going to be able to get away with sneaking around in the middle of the night, your dad and I have video cameras set up all throughout the house and so we always know when your sneaking stuff.” hehehe

Corinna 5 years ago

I agree. I am going thru the comments and I want a LIKE button. LOL
Yes, I guess I have to admit I am on facebook. alot.
But I don’t tell my kids that, they think Mommy Is Working. LOL

Corinna 5 years ago

When my hubby and I say bad words, our boys call us out on it.
Our excuse or LIE? “Once you hit 30 you are allowed to say any word you want”.

I feel sad for kids whose parents say they don’t want to lie to them about Santa, Easter Bunny etc. I never felt scarred when I found out the truth. In fact I thought it was fun to know a secret that my little brothers didn’t know about.

Corinna 5 years ago

I totally agree. Unless you are the most perfect person in the world, do not criticize others! It will come back and bite you! I made a comment to a friend a few weeks ago about how I make sure my boys are in bed by 9 on school nights, no matter what. Then last night, my 6 year old and I were making JibJab movies, and the next thing I knew, I looked at the time and it was 11! He has school in the morning and we were goofing off on the computer til 11! So much for my 9:00 rule. LOL

Corinna 5 years ago

Sooo true! I swear my kids drop half of their food on the floor, then pick it up and eat it. When my oldest (18) was little I’d freak out. But nothing ever happened, and now with my boys, if I didn’t let them eat what they dropped, they’d probably starve!

As for lying to my kids, I have. Like saying, “see that sign over there, it says “If children do not behave they have to leave” when it really says, ‘apples on sale’. Or if they want to go some place (Chuck E. Cheese) I will ‘call’ them and ask if they are open. No? Oh well, next time.
People really should lighten up.

Loukia 5 years ago

Jill, it sucks that people say mean comments to you, when you’re CLEARLY a fabulous mom. And I hate stuck up moms that are all like, peace, love, never lie! Sometimes, you have to. Period. I do, even though sometimes I hate it. Heck, I even heck that I lie about Santa, but sometimes, you just gotta! Or like, I’ll even say we have no more chocolate so I can eat it when the boys go to sleep. Little lies like the ones you noted are totally AOKAY.

SydneyHouseHusband 5 years ago

I’m so glad we don’t have Chuck -E -Cheese in Australia!

One thing I’ve learned about being a house husband and hanging around playgroups in the park and overhearing other people’s conversations.
Some women are so cruel to each other!
What about when the kids overhear (or worse walk in on) you and your partner having sex?
What truth do they tell their kids?
I love the lie that Roseanne told the youngest boy in her classic sitcom….”We were moving furniture”

Mariah 5 years ago

This Cafe post was so stinking funny. I feel I HAVE to tell my kids these things, it might be one of the best parts of being a parent. I waited 20 odd years to use those lines on them and, yes, my kids are “stupid” because I tell them age old tales passed down from generation to generation. {rolls eyes}

All I can say about these honest mothers is pot calling the kettle, baby.

Scary Mommy 5 years ago

LOL. Not only have I noticed, but I’m almost concerned. Did she get hit by a car? Drop dead from a sudden heart attack? Where in the world is Madge? 😛

Mrs.Mayhem 5 years ago

In my opinion, that judgmental, holier-than-thou attitude stems from jealousy. Maybe some of those mothers are jealous because you’re so witty, or maybe they’re jealous because you have a carefree attitude regarding mothering. Anyone leaving that type of comment is not 100% happy with herself or in her life.

Ayan Deato 5 years ago

This is a really interesting entry. I agree with you 100% that people should lighten up. Keep posting I’m a fan :p

jessica 5 years ago

This is so true, I am always surprised at the capacity of women to either support each other to the end or tear each other apart like there is no tomorrow. Too bad for all of us that we can’t meet in the middle somewhere.
BTW- you are in the story on my latest post, stop by if you have a sec

Kjersti 5 years ago

If I didn’t ignore my kid sometimes, I wouldn’t know how awesome she is at putting puzzles together.

Bohemian Hijabi 5 years ago

My parents lied to me plenty as a child, and I think I turned out pretty well rounded. It is a right of passage if you ask me. Then when the kids are all grown up, they can laugh with each other about the time when mom told them that ice cream sold off of trucks was made from bird droppings. I don’t think there is such a thing as a perfect mom, and the one who thinks she falls in that category clearly has her head stuck so far up her behind that she can’t see herself clearly. By the way, the five second rule is in full effect in my house. For kids and grown ups alike.

singlemom2008 5 years ago

I follow you on twitter and will signing up to get your emails. I think that the post on the Lies Mothers tell was absoutley hysterical! I know that I have told a few myself and that doesn’t make me or anyone else a bad mother. I am sure everyones mother told them a lie or 2 growing up. LMAO at the comments that some people made. People are way too sensitive nowadays and well I always say if you don’t like it then don’t read it or watch it! Some people just like to complain.

I say keep up the good work! Nothing like a good honest and truthful perspective on life.

I will be adding your button to my blog as this is such a great site and breath of fresh air.
Hopefully if times allows you can stop by mine and take a look. I think that my newest weekly blog series: times are changin” you could appreciate!

Krystyn 5 years ago

My husband said, about 2.5 seconds after our first daughter was born “let the hypocrisy begin.”

Pretty sure that sums parenting up for us.

stephanie 5 years ago

Plllllleeeeeeaaaassseeee! Gotta love those moms. They are the same ones that write the fake, happy poems on facebook about rainbows and unicorns and how perfect their husbands and kids are. My take? They are HEAVILY medicated. Anyway, we share our dirty little secrets weekly. Check this out …

“Cookie” 5 years ago

You said it….. insecure and obviously nothing better to do than bash other moms. I don’t always agree w/ everything I read on blogs but that’s what the X is for in the upper right hand corner. Click it and keep moving! :)

The Baby Mama 5 years ago

If I could get a cent for every lecture I’ve received on bad parenting, I’d be rich. Couldn’t agree more – lighten up and enjoy. We’re all different and we’re meant to parent differently, that’s what being an individual is all about.

Anna 5 years ago

I wonder if these honest parents tell their children about Santa Clause …

WHATEVER! We all lie to our kids – whether we want to admit it or not!

and I admit to being one of those mom’s – not the perfect one – the one who lets him eat a carrot off the floor if it gets him to eat a veggie…I will also let him go to school without brushing his hair and I will let him wear mismatched clothes and even his Halloween costume year round if he wants – if it makes him happy – well, then – so be it!

I have also always told him that the noisy toys take special batteries that aren’t sold in stores when the batteries die in them.

Jill 5 years ago

I swear that people need to just lighten the fuck up. Seriously. If people can’t just enjoy your blog for what it is … then they shouldn’t be reading.

maternity clothes chick 5 years ago

So what do the perfect, honest moms tell their kids about Santa, the Easter Bunny & Tooth Fairy? Whatever. Some people really should lighten up, or just stick to reading Ladies Home Journal.

Brook @ To Be Dancing 5 years ago

It’s been so nice that I almost hate to mention this, but…..Am I the only one who’s noticed that Madge has been conspicuously quiet on this post?

Jun Kitatani 5 years ago

I second Melissa’s outlook.

Amy H 5 years ago

Seriously? I’m 110% in agreement with you…LIGHTEN UP PEOPLE! Some days, if I don’t laugh…I’ll pull all my hair out, while I’m drinking heavily!

You should know…I recently lied to triplet #2 when he pointed out that his sister triplet (#3) had a “broken pee pee”. I told him it was because she held it so much!

Amy ~ Eat. Live. Laugh. Shop. 5 years ago

I’m clearly late to the party (damn reader is too full), but AMEN! Next time you submit a post you may want to offer a side of valium for those who take their mothering so seriously. Geesh!

Jana @ An Attitude Adjustment 5 years ago

I, too, am taken aback by mean commenters. The internet and blogs are my place to relax and enjoy myself. To laugh, to feel connected. I think the truth here is that there are a lot of mothers who are completely overwhelmed by the job they’ve given themselves, and their anxiety gets in the way of their sense of humor. While they may be miserable, they think that at least they’re doing everything “just right.” Only, they’re not. Because their own anxiety and lack of humor is witnessed and internalized by their kids.

They just need some wine. Everyone needs wine.

Erin 5 years ago

love this Lori! Very refreshing take!

Crystal 5 years ago

Oh man! Women are so quick to get their panties in a bunch, get snippity with others, and pass judgment. Why?? Why are we that way…to each other…especially moms judging moms???? I wrote a post “Are YOu Ready to Rumble?” Because I always feel like I have to play the defensive because there are so many women out there that think that they KNOW EVERYTHING, have the answers to everything, and do everything better than everyone else! That’s why I don’t seek women out to befriend!!

Scary Mommy 5 years ago

I need a thumbs up button for comments like these. Thank you. :)

Scary Mommy 5 years ago

Eh, I had nothing to write about, so they helped me out this time. They’re good for something. :)

Scary Mommy 5 years ago

Awwww, thanks, Lynn! I just somehow ended up with the smartest, wittiest readers in the world. :)

jenny talia 5 years ago

your kids, your rules
and fuck those *mothers* if they can’t take a joke

Scary Mommy 5 years ago

That sounds like a religion I could get on board with.

Scary Mommy 5 years ago

That would have been the only thing getting me through the class.

Scary Mommy 5 years ago

No kidding, right? I swear I’d be in an institution if I couldn’t laugh at myself.

Scary Mommy 5 years ago

Right back at ya. :)

Scary Mommy 5 years ago

I just threw up a little in my mouth. I swear, that place is the unhappiest place on earth for me.

Zoey @ Good Goog 5 years ago

I’d like to know where the line in the sand is for lying. Is withholding the truth lying? Because if it is, a whole lot of non-lyers are being unnecessarily cruel.

Jennifer 5 years ago

How hilarious would a surprise ass kicking be at a mom blogging event? Let’s all just sit and think about that for a minute…

Jennifer 5 years ago

Yes. I’ve come to believe that there are some people that do need to make others feel bad so they will feel better. I’m so glad I’m not one of them.

Monapolis 5 years ago

The negative ones are probably from all the good Catholic moms that write “from Santa” on their Children’s gifts at Christmas… 😉

MiMi 5 years ago

I wish you were around when I was raining my kids. When is your book coming out? :)

Jessica Torres 5 years ago

I love the ice cream truck and the chuck e cheese lies. I might have to try those. Some people just don’t know how to laugh and need to lighten up rather than take your blogs so serious.

rebecca 5 years ago

I guarantee you that the haters lie to their kids more than you and me do! Who DOESN’T tell their kids those things? I think life isn’t life if you aren’t told “don’t swallow your gum, it stays in your stomach forever!”

Heather A. 5 years ago

During my son’s birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese we were lucky enough to experience a new feature in the climbing tunnels; “Mommy, mommy, there’s a puddle we get to climb over in the tunnels. It’s like an obstacle course!”. The puddle, we discovered, was a puddle of pee. Lovely.

Scary Mommy 5 years ago

I’m in love with this comment. :)

Scary Mommy 5 years ago

Francesca is a very wise one, indeed.

Evan’s Mommy 5 years ago

I think it is a rite of passage. “You must eat off of the floor to pass toddlerhood.”

Evan’s Mommy 5 years ago


Evan’s Mommy 5 years ago

Um, hello? To reiterate other postings here, people lie to their kids about Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, the tooth fairy, etc. Or how many of them lied to their kids when a pet died? Duh! I can almost guarantee that the people who say that lying to their kids is a travesty do in fact lie to their own kids about SOMETHING! Saying that they never lie to their kids is like saying they never have or never will lie to anyone about anything. Or, maybe they are lying to themselves about their own lying. Screw the naysayers! Pffft!

Eve 5 years ago

I just go with the theory that most people are stupid until they prove themselves otherwise! Keep doing what you’re doing and yuppy mommas be damned! I ignor my son and let him eat off the floor…You haven’t featured me yet, but I am a proud member of the Scary Mommy Society!! **fist pump**

Erin I’m Gonna Kill Him 5 years ago

I can’t stand women who feel the need to put others down. We’re all doing the best we can. And humor is the thing that gets most of us through. I’d be Gone, Baby, Gone if I didn’t find ways to find levity in my life. Three babies under three and a husband that works 4 states away all week. Pass the cyanide…(and I get shit on for those comments all the time, too).

Jess 5 years ago

What kills me is that this behavior seems to harken back to junior high. These were the girls who would stare each other up and down and remark “You’re wearing that?!!” I had always hoped that the girl on girl insults would abate, but it seems that there are a lot of middle-aged Mean Girls out there.

The Military Life 5 years ago

I love this! I’m putting as my FB status. HA! Thank you!

The Domestic Goddess 5 years ago

Right on. I love the tearing down. I’ve begged and pleaded with folks before to end ALL mommy wars. I just think some people think they will feel better about themselves if they criticize you (me) and put you down. I’ve been accused of being abusive, a bad parent, judgmental, “not nice”, opinionated, etc. HELLO! We’re all judgmental and opinionated! That’s what makes us human.

The thing that gets my goat the most is when folks tell me I don’t have enough experience as a special needs parents to say what I say. you know, because it’s a pissing contest and your disabled kid is better than my disabled kid. Poppycock. Everyone has shiz they deal with. I don’t get why some folks constantly have to one-up you. Insane.

30ish Mama 5 years ago

I guess some people have to convince themselves that they are better than everybody else just to be happy. It’s really kind of sad that the only way they can feel good is by making others feel bad. These are probably the same mothers who brag abut their kids because they enjoy seeing the look of worry on other moms’ faces when their kids don’t “measure up.”

The Military Life 5 years ago

Right, like any of those asshats tell the truth about the Easter Bunny or Santa or the Toothfairy. Whatever. I strongly dislike people who find it necessary to judge others. Whoops, I think I judged in my very first sentence.

Lady Estrogen 5 years ago

They are constantly dropping and then picking up and eating things off the floors; it’s almost impossible to keep on top of that shit 24/7! …and you know who cleans MY floors? The dogs.
I agree – it must build their immune system – I sure f’in hope so.

amber 5 years ago

You will always be a great mother in my book. Those women? Are miserable little girls who feel the need to ruin everyone else’s fun.

mommyk8 5 years ago

I wondered myself who these Mommy Trolls are. My thoughts are thus: One, they are lying. Two, they have nannies and their nannies lie to their children.

Also, the higher up the pedestal you put yourself on, the further the fall. I’m glad that my pedestal is a piece of newspaper on the floor.

Kelly 5 years ago

I find that a lot of mothers like to attack other mothers. I think that it makes them feel better about their lack in parenting. I love your column and people really need to get a sense of humor. Keep up the good work!

Lessons in Life and Light 5 years ago

It’s too bad that according to the “I never lie to my children club”, their children are also missing out on Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, and the like, because, you know…*those are lies too*.

Sheri 5 years ago

“Yes, motherhood is a serious business. However, if women could start remembering to take the stick out of their ass from time to time, then they might raise children who aren’t quite so annoying.” Francesca

Perfectly said.

Heather 5 years ago

You know what sometimes you have to lie! Sometimes kids don’t understand the truth,and they say why to everything! They do need to get a since of humor!Also they need to get over them self, because know parent is perfect all the time! Most good parents does the best you they can! As long as you love them and take care of them,that’s what really matters

Audrey 5 years ago

Parenting is a tough job and that’s exactly why we need blogs like yours. If we can’t laugh at ourselves we’ll go crazy…..I love your blog…thanks for making me laugh every time I read it.

Vanessa 5 years ago

You are so right. Show me a “perfect” parent, and I’ll show you a flying pig. Show me a parent who never lies, never loses it with their kids and I’ll shout “liar liar pants on fire!”
I love reading your blog. It makes me feel like a good mom, even though I too sometimes ignore my kids, yell at them, tell them to leave me alone and lie to them.

Erin 5 years ago

Again…I come late to the game – comment #1292922829 but…none-the-less… here it is

It is BECAUSE of mother’s “like you” that I was able to claw my way out of PPD and go on to birth 2 more AMAZING little people (who I lie to daily)

it is BECAUSE of mother’s “like you” that I can get out of bed everyday and keep going…

it is BECAUSE of mother’s “like you” and just about everyone who I have found through you that we have a chance of turning this incredibly FUCKED up world around…

it is BECUASE of mother’s “like them” that Sarah Palin has a TV show:(

Sara Plays House 5 years ago

These mompetitors are EXACTLY why I stopped taking my kids to Gymboree. Get a group of 20 yuppy moms with their so-called perfect kids was enough to make me wanna vomit.
I have NO idea why none of them would take me up on my offer for a beer after class. I mean, the restaurant was RIGHT THERE. Geez.

anymommy 5 years ago

I’d like to run into you somewhere and beg you to be my best friend. Seriously, fabulous post, although I’m not sure it will ever reach the intended audience. Hard-headed, that lot.

SaucyB 5 years ago

I lie to my kid too and I can’t stand women like the holier than thou bitches you described.

I’ve found that when it comes to motherhood, some people can’t feel like they’re getting it right, unless it means that someone else is getting it wrong.


SaucyB’s last blog… Make Me Laugh Monday

Lori Stefanac (Lola) 5 years ago

This whole judging other mothers and other women in general is ridiculous. Don’t get me wrong, this is NOT a moral stance. If I could get away with judging others all day long, I would. The truth? I’m just way too lazy and judging all the time just sucks the energy right out of me. My solution? I just assume that all of us are doing the best we can with what we’ve got. Ahhhhh…now THAT’S easy.

Vinobaby 5 years ago

I love to tick people off with one of my son’s surprising latest quotes

“I don’t believe in Jesus, but I believe in Star Wars and Angels and the Tooth Fairy.”

Too which we weren’t quite sure how to reply, but I’m thinking of printing it on a t-shirt I love it so much.

You don’t like it…tough…

Michelle Saunderson 5 years ago

It is amazing to me how quick people are to judge how other people parent. I gave up caring what others think a long time ago. But, the judging never stops.

Paula 5 years ago

Unfortunately we do sometimes have to lie. And although I’m not “proud” of lying, it is a skill we need from time to time.
People DO need to lighten up. Life is too short to judge others. Even those of us who consider ourselves “really good people” make mistakes, mess up, and, yes, lie. 😉

BillyT 5 years ago

Excellent point! Although I just can’t imagine that dreary lot of sheilas with starch in their knickers letting Santa, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy in their homes.

Dumb Mom 5 years ago

The only person perfect enough to judge others and cast aspersions is me. And I say you’re lying ass is pretty freaking awesome in the mom department and I’ve actually seen you with your kids! It’s funny too how people get all big and bad online, but few if any would have the audacity to say such things to your face, lest you haul off and punch them in it. Personally, I make it a point not to say things to people online that I’m not gangster enough to say to their faces should I meet them in the street. It’s my little way of avoiding surprise ass kickings and mom blogging events (has that ever happened?!). Actually, I think I’m nicer to people online than I am in real life. As it’s my goal to be a digital sweetheart (something I’ve already screwed up in my real life), I think I’ll keep it up! You on the other hand, should tell them to shove it. Or, sit on it and rotate. Or something else equally crass and funny. You know, just to really piss them off. They like it, believe me, they’re just to busy being perfect to know it.

Francesca 5 years ago

This made me smile, Lynn.

Jill is a social media master.

Francesca 5 years ago

People bother me. You know these women are moms to “that kid” in your child’s class….the one who tells your kid that Santa Claus doesn’t exist…the one that always has to be “first” and “right”….the one that I will spend a lifetime rolling my eyes at and praying my child doesn’t become.

Yes, motherhood is a serious business. However, if women could start remembering to take the stick out of their ass from time to time, then they might raise children who aren’t quite so annoying.

BillyT 5 years ago

That’s funny. It would be tougher when you can’t see.

From Belgium 5 years ago

Urgh, those comments be nasty.
Just think of the things their poor childeren must put up with… No wonder psychiatrist make so much money…

Clayton Thomas 5 years ago

Found a link of yours on Twitter. Hope I can find and follow. There is another word for moms (and dads) who claim they never tell little fibs. That word is…denial. I wouldn’t say I make a habit of it but to claim it NEVER happened would be….. (wait for it)…. a lie.

Twitter: @claylauren2001

Lynn from For Love or Funny 5 years ago

Jill, this is a little off topic but I wish I had your ability to write stuff that fostered such terrific conversations! You go, girl! And that’s no lie!

From Belgium 5 years ago

Oh thank god, mine is not to only one to do that…

I’m So Fancy 5 years ago

Thank God my kids are still too young to understand much of what I say, so it’s a nonissue. But I’m quite sure that I will one day very soon lie through my teeth if it gets them to bed/out the door/into the bathtub. And I’ll be proud of myself for creative problem-solving!

Helen 5 years ago

I love the “fib” about the ice cream van. I wish I’d thought of that! Some people must have perfect lives if they can get upset about a lie as trivial as that.

emerson 5 years ago

Do you want an honest answer to the question about where their sense of humor is? I doubt you’ll pay attention to it, but here it is. Mothers as a rule don’t have a sense of humor about their kids when the input comes from anyone not in their social group. And yes, this applies to you as well. I know, it’s different when other mothers do it to you. They all say that.

angelica 5 years ago

I think you’ve got it completely down, it is insecurity, NOBODY IS PERFECT and if they can’t see that, then they are in real trouble (more so their kids). I had this mom that kept treating me like I had some sort of venereal disease because I work and have a nanny. For the most part I let her be, but one time she insinuated I should go ahead and have more “as it was so easy for me (not doing any of the work and all)” how she could never do it, because her child *needed* to be with her night and day… let me just say I’m a clinical psychologist specialised in children, and I went down on her like a ton of bricks. she never bothered me again…

Missy 5 years ago

Oh Jill, I have fallen even more in love with you.

MJ 5 years ago

I was one of those moms who swore I’d never lie to my kids, and for the most part I’ve done ok with that. However there are times lying is necessary. I will NOT tell my son that the reason his Dad didn’t call this weekend to come get him was because he had something better to do, which was running around with his friend and getting drunk and playing golf all weekend. I’ll tell him something must have come up, or maybe he was sick and we’ll see about doing it next weekend. Yep. That’s a lie, but it’s one that allows my son to still believe he’s important to his father. Which he is. Sometimes his dad has to have a weekend of guy time. Or in this instance, there was a family of 5 that was killed at an intersection here in town when a semi-truck slammed into the back of them and their car burst into flames. My youngest (at the time) daughter asked me if the people burned to death in that car or if they died when the truck hit them and didn’t know they burned in the car. I lied my ass off. I’ll admit it. They died the instant that truck hit them, baby, they didn’t know anything about the fire. I would NOT have my then 6 year old child worrying about those people in that car. There were enough people here doing that for her. She had bigger issues to worry about. Like who to play with on recess or her current reading assignment at school.

No, you shouldn’t just lie to them for the fun of it, but there are times lies are appropriate, acceptable, and indeed the RIGHT THING TO DO. If you tell your kids that the ice cream truck only plays music when it’s out of ice cream (OMG this is GENIUS!!!!) it’s only because you need Mommy-time and you’re looking out for their health by denying them yet ANOTHER unhealthy snack. Yep. That’s exactly it. Because we don’t lie to our kids because we’re horrible people and we don’t want the best for them. If we did, we wouldn’t spend so damn much time talking about our kids and how much we love them and worrying about doing the right thing for them. Some people (a freaking LOT of people!!) need to get a life. And someone needs to tell them to get those kids of theirs off those pedestals because that’s not a safe place to put them while they troll the internet looking for other moms to rip to shreds to make themselves feel like amazing parents. Asshats. *growls*

b harper 5 years ago

p.s. I’d like to hear the answers these broads come up with when little Josh asks where babies come from.

b harper 5 years ago

These are the worst types of people. The “that baby should be wearing a coat” and “tattoos are permanent, you know” kind of people. Clearly these people missed the fact that the post wasn’t titled “Important Parenting Advice.”

Kate Coveny Hood 5 years ago

Oh please. I have of yet to meet anyone who hasn’t lied to their children in one way or another. I’m very lucky in that I’ve managed to be completely oblivious to the perfect parenting taking place around me on a daily basis. I have stereo screaming twins and a special needs kids covered in dirt. At the end of the day, I just don’t notice how much of a better job everyone else is doing. I’m just trying to survive.

That’s one of the perks of having a tiny blog with just a few readers: mom thinks everything I write is fab.

Good for you – having a sense of humor about the critics.

Brandi 5 years ago

I love reading what you write, because you are real! I am sure we would all be shocked by what happends behind the closed doors of people who have nothing better to do than bash other parenting styles. =P

Jessi 5 years ago

My mom used to tell me that the ice cream truck was “the music man” I don’t know when I actually figured out that the truck carried ice cream until much later in life…much much later. But what I did learn from this “lie” is that you should not squander your money away just because someone rolls on by with shinny stickers and a catchy tune. We had treats at home that were better for me and healtier and I didn’t waste my hard earned allowance on something so unfulfilling. Lie on mama’s it’s good for the kids!

Melanie 5 years ago

My kids lie to me all the time….not fair if I can’t lie back and get some sort of satisfaction from it. Of course, I also believe it should be ok to put Thorazine darts in a blow gun. Keep telling it like it is….because that’s how it really is. Women like that are just too embarrassed to admit that they let their kids eat of the floor, too. Grow some balls ladies.

findingmomma 5 years ago

Please… I wish I could say I was shocked or surprised by the reaction you received, but then I would be lying a horrible and terrible lie. I am shocked that that the perfect moms have not followed you to your blog with their torches, pitch forks and shrill cries of condemnation to stone you. If you do run into one of these moms in real life, please ask for me if Santa Claus or the Easter bunny visits their home at certain times of the year.

Jen 5 years ago

LOL!! It’s so true. My kids have eaten off the floor occasionally as well… And yes, at my house it has taught them to look at what they are eating before they eat it… We have 2 dogs, and since there is carpet under our dining table, the floor attracts the dog hair. (No, I’m not the mom who vacuums everyday.) One bite of food with doghair is enough for them to check whatever before they eat it.

Amber 5 years ago

“Those” mothers are the ones that I call “uppity” mothers in my blog. They drive me batty. I have no patience for them.

Becca 5 years ago

Are they so insecure that they need to bash other people in order to feel OK about themselves?

Yes, yes, they are.

And I’ll leave it at that. :)

QandleQueen 5 years ago

Oh for crying outloud! We’re not supposed to lie to our kids? Please! But then again, we probably shouldn’t store the Cheerios box in reach so toddlers can feed themselves in the morning without waking up mommy because that’s not “parenting”. Ha! It totally IS parenting – it taught self-sufficiency. And by the way, my 23 year old no longer eats her Cheerios off the floor.

Justine 5 years ago

Seriously, in the time it took for them to write their “disgruntled reader” comment, they could’ve helped their kids achieve perfection that much sooner so why are they wasting their time? You’re right, people just need to lighten up.

Nina 5 years ago

I totally understand why you got particularly fed up with that crop of comments. It was a more ridiculous smattering than usual. Who freaking tells their kids every cotton pickin’ thing? It’s 100% normal and expected for adults to have certain info they keep to themselves. This whole “I tell my kids everything” just seems strange.

Susanna 5 years ago

I just love, love, love that you posted this. It’s entertaining for those of us who get the column and it’s intention and I get a kick out of knowing it probably irks the naysayers. I’m always amazed that they take the time to respond. Their kids probably have little imagination, no ability to self-entertain and poor immunity from only eating off of clean plates.

Practical Parenting 5 years ago

First of all, you’re hilarious. Obviously. I really really really dislike the mommy bullying that goes on. Can not just accept that we all have our own ways of doing things? Sometimes I get nervous about my parenting advice posts bc I don’t want people to see me as some know it all mom…which I’m totally not, as evidenced by all of the stories I tell about my bad choices! Parenting is hard work…we need humor!

Julianne 5 years ago

I absolutely LOVE your blog! I’m not a Mom yet but I really do hope that I can be as great as you. I want to be added to the “Amen” crowd as well.

Theta Mom 5 years ago

I am loving that ice cream one, I so have to use that! …and I just don’t understand how peeps go out of their way to be negative. Regardless, it’s THEIR issue – not yours. :)

Tamara 5 years ago

Well said! There is definitely a camp of moms out there that get off on being Judgy McJudgersons. Fuck ’em, I say!

Alicia 5 years ago

Tell these mothers that are so concerned with being perfect, that perfect does not exist. Tell the to go watch Natalie Portmans character in the Black Swan, see what happened to her when she couldn’t lighten up. It will totally happen to them if they dont either.

Carabee 5 years ago

I saw some of those comments and just shook my head. I think these people are stupid or humorless or both. Frankly, I think any woman who says she has NEVER lied to her kid is a liar and deserves all of the condescension I can hurl at her.

Annie @ PhD in Parenting 5 years ago

It is obvious that you need to lie to your children because you just aren’t as superior as a Tiger mom. If you had a backbone, you would intimidate them instead of lying to them.

Brandy 5 years ago

I agree I just don’t understand this either.

myevil3yearold 5 years ago

Next time you get one of those snarky comments just tell them that if they were such great parents they would be picking daisys or playing ring a round the rosie or singing Kumbaya my lord or something. They shouldn’t be “wasting” their time reading your blog.

Bunch of jerks

amanda 5 years ago

I think it is too much for some people to bear when a mirror is held up and to acknowledge even a glimmer of their reflection is there means not being perfect.
So, let’s say it aloud and together, “nobody is perfect.”

Heather Rayne 5 years ago

I do think a big part of it is a lack of sense of humor. So many ppl have the personality of a gnat. A lot of angry bitter moms out there too. You keep tellin’ the truth so the rest of us can realize we are not the only one who do things like…make santa’s gift much suckier than mom’s gift.

gigi 5 years ago

Glad those same lovely ladies didn’t find my humor post about being so wrapped up in Twitter that I forgot to pick my kids up at school and had to lie to the principal about why and write a check to the PTA.

None of which happened, because it’s a HUMOR post.

They honestly aren’t worthy of a post, Jill!

Mae 5 years ago

Word up sister! We went on vacation with my cousin’s family last week and I warned her, there’s gonna be stuff you do that will make me wonder and I’m gonna do stuff that makes you cringe. As long as everyone recognizes that we’re all doing the best we can in the moment in which find ourselves, it doesn’t matter. Just do what you do.

What is wrong with people? Bottom of the barrel? Honestly what rock does that chick live under that she thinks lying to a child is bottom of the barrel parenting?

Bet they all tell their kids Santa and the Easter bunny are real too.

Cathy 5 years ago

Seriously?! Anything that helps you keep your sanity is a tool to use. A happy mommy is a happy family!

Loralee 5 years ago


Well, you know, till tomorrow, when I call you on the phone. 😉

Kimberly 5 years ago

It’s that damn superiority complex that some parents have. Their kids (and themselves) have to be perfect in every way. Well, mine are perfect in a few ways, and damn imperfect in many others, and I quite frankly prefer them that way.
And for the record, I lie to my kids all the time:
The Girl Scout cookies are all gone and there’s a worldwide shortage, so we won’t be buying more – we have to share with the rest of the world
We’re not going to the dentist, the candy store is this way too
Of course I didn’t buy you an Xbox; it’s not in the budget
What’s that thing that buzzes when you turn it on that you found in Mama’s nightstand drawer? Oh, that’s Mama’s muscle massager.

And you’re 100% right on the money that some people need to lighten up! We only live once…who wants to spend it with a corn cob up their A**?

highlyirritable 5 years ago


There is a constant theme in your writing, and that is the undercurrent of unwavering devotion and fierce love you have for your children. Satirical humour is a tool used by only the smartest of humans; those who understand that one of its purposes is to be a great diffuser of the frustration brought on by events we either cannot, or do not want to participate in. You get it. I get it. I pity (and fear) those who do not.

And that my dear, is no lie.

P.S. I tell my kids we can’t play at McDonald’s Playland because someone barfed in the tube slide.

Nicole@MTDLBlog 5 years ago

I completely agree with your first comment poster – ’nuff said! 😀
So glad you are able to take them as they are and recognize that there will always be the naysayers. I loved that column by the way….made me laugh, nod my head in agreement (because I’ve totaly told those lies myself) and it’s nice to know I’m not the only one. :-) You keep it real and that’s why most of us keep coming back.

dysfunctional mom 5 years ago

I really wonder about ‘mothers’ like that (if they really are mothers). I don’t believe them. I know that some people are very honest and don’t lie or tell little stories, but the fact that they also feel compelled to attack humorous stories like yours makes me doubt their credibility.
Because real moms have fun, joke, and stretch the truth a little bit.
My kids totally believed I had eyes in the back of my head, and other fun Mommy Tales….it’s like Santa & The Easter Bunny….they’ll figure it out eventually, and they won’t be traumatized. For real.

Kim 5 years ago

Wow, my first thought was what do these types of parents do if they celebrate Christmas or Easter – do they tell their children from the get go that they are Santa Clause and there really is no Easter Bunny? I think people that quickly judge this way and/or don’t have a sense of humor don’t limit it to other parenting. I have a feeling this is who they are in other areas of life as well.

Jack 5 years ago

I have great fun playing with people who have no sense of humor. I really shouldn’t do it, but I can’t help myself. It is far too easy to tell stories that are too ridiculous to be believed.

Yet the humorless eat them up, mostly because they are jealous that my children are child prodigies who became Rhodes Scholars at the ages of 6 and 8.

Not only that, but they did it by playing games at Chuck E. Cheese. See what you are missing.

Katherine at Postpartum Progress 5 years ago

Amen sister. On Postpartum Progress, everyone is very supportive of me and each other (thank you, thank you wonderful people!), most likely because that’s the reason they are there in the first place: support. At ParentDish, I recently had commenters tell me my ovaries should be cut out because I said I didn’t like the infant phase of parenting. Thank God I’ve been blogging long enough now that those people have no affect on me, other than to lead me to wonder what in the world has them so pissed off that they would take it out on me.

Megan (spicyavon) 5 years ago

I whole heartedly agree with these lies, in fact I use them daily. I heard a friend/ mother of two (6 and 2 yrs) tell her oldest that mothers can see the future, and if he was to keep acting up she could see ultimate peril!! I laughed, and shrugged it off, cause I too would one day be in her shoes!! Many people have looked down at the way I step over my child whom happens to be throwing a fit in the middle of a grocery store, while asking if that’s the best she could do, and I would like to see their reaction in a similar situation….I bet they would think twice about what they said here!! or the way they look down at us “horrible” parents.
Many of these comments probably come from mother of very young children, or women who aren’t parents at all!!

I love how you write about the “REAL” stuff, a lot of your posts are very true, and I don’t feel you do anything wrong, you have happy kids, and thats all that should matter. Keep em’ coming!!!

Melissa E. 5 years ago

See, now, the nice part about having children is that you get to raise them whatever way you want. Anyone who has complaints about how you choose to do so should go out and have their own kids. Or at least keep their mouths shut! No one has the right to comment negatively about anyone else’s parenting unless they are asked. Compliments, of course, are always welcome. 😉

After all, who doesn’t lie to their children? Just this morning, I told my two-year-old that “Elmo is all gone. He went to sleep.” Not true. I just couldn’t stand another video with his squeaky voice.

Sera 5 years ago

HA! If we didn’t occassionally lie to our kids, we’d never retain our sanity, they’d want everything. what about when they’re older and they want to watch a more adult show, are people going to let them and say ‘well this is mummy’s favourite movie, its got loads of swearing for you to learn( snatch) and some pretty questionable manourvers ( think rocky horror picture show)? or tell them a lie about how boring the movie would be for them? i bet 90% would choose comment b.

Lemon Gloria 5 years ago

Motherhood really seems to bring out the worst in people. I had no idea how delighted people are to tell you what to do and how to do it and what you’re doing wrong until I had a kid. Complete strangers don’t hesitate to tell you your child is cold or hungry or should have a different bedtime or whatever.

As for Chuck E. Cheese…my ex-brother-in-law got a DUI leaving one, with two kids in the car. He was a fairly reprehensible character, but I know for a fact that if I’d been married to my SIL and had to haul her kids to Chuck E. Cheese, I’d most likely have drunk my face off just to deal.

I think what I’m trying to say is: sometimes lying is the better option.

InTheBabyhood 5 years ago

Well my blog is not popular enough to get hate comments – or even nice comments – so I can only imagine how much it stinks to get “told off” by virtual strangers. Normal folks see the sense of humor even in just the title alone! Crazies need to get a grip.

Zoeyjane 5 years ago

Agreed. And I don’t even lie to my kid at all. Not even about fictional holiday or dentally-related characters. 😉

Brook @ To Be Dancing 5 years ago

I have to say that I am deeply, deeply disturbed by some of these comments I’m reading here. I don’t understand how so many people can say that there is no Santa, Tooth Fairy, or Easter Bunny. What is the world coming to?

Anthony 5 years ago

The most honest and authentic people are the most popular. Where there’s fans, there will ALWAYS be haters. But haters love you more than anyone else.

Making It Work Mom 5 years ago

As I was reading the comments on your post I was half amused (that people would actually take the time out of their days to tell you that you are a sucky mother) and half astonished (that there are actually mothers out there who think their poop don’t stink). Honestly when did motherhood become so self-righteous.

Oh and I LOVED the ice cream truck lie – I need to meet that lady!

Michelle 5 years ago

I agree. These moms need to pull the stick out of their ass.

Amanda 5 years ago

Here, here!! Our kids will be the ones making fun of their kids. I really don’twant to explain to my boys where they came from or how they got here.

kiki 5 years ago

bravo, Scary Mommy! sometimes i lie to my kid, husband, and to other family members. in certain situations it’s necessary in order to maintain harmony. just like Vince Vaughn said in Four Christmases, “You can’t spell families without ‘lies’.”

Rachel {at} Mommy Needs a Vacation 5 years ago

God I love you. Mark my words…I am all about degrading and lying to my children. Ice cream truck…genius! And you know what else…I have found that good friends of mine who make those types of comments are not such good friends in motherhood anymore. Fuck ’em.

Amanda 5 years ago

I like to think that letting my children eat off of the floor occasionally has taught them to look at what they’re eating.

Serene 5 years ago

I’ve been doing this parenting thing for about 20 years now. Two things:

1) I didn’t lie to my kids (no, even about Santa), but I did a LOT of shit wrong, and that’s just the way parenting is.

2) You love your kids, you laugh, you keep them safe, you teach them about the real world, you love them, you laugh, etc. You. Are. Doing. It. Right.

Victoria KP 5 years ago

There are days when I wish my New Year’s resolution had been not to read any comments–on blogs, news reports, etc. (but then I guess I couldn’t really leave them!). It seems like people feel it’s okay to judge people when they have the anonymity of the internet to hide behind.

You’re right–this parenting thing has far too many variables for someone to actually think they know the “right” way of doing it!

Jill Hilliard 5 years ago

You Rock Jill ….. Never forget it! Also bless you for the Ice Cream Truck lie … I am so going to share that one!!!

Kelly 5 years ago

You mean to tell me that I had company all this time at the “bottom of the barrel?” shit. Wish I knew that.

Never doubt that you are a great mom, raising great kids. Don’t mind the “Ninny’s”, when their “perfection” bubble pops, reality will be such a bitch.

Jennifer K 5 years ago

You and Nina basically taught me how to be a mom – and I am being completely serious. Don’t change a thing!!

PreggersStepMom 5 years ago

So glad to see so many Mom’s and a few Dad’s supporting Scary Mommy! My kid is young, 4 months, I have 2 step kids who went boy crazy overnight, I lie, bribe, and manipulate them, just like my mother did me. The most recent, if 3 out of every 4 toys is not donated to a worthy cause by Christmas, neither of you will get a single toy for Christmas from me and your Dad. 7 trash bags of toys later (yes 7) a bunch of kids who had little to nothing had a great holiday, and my step kids got a Wii (little do they know it is to keep them active during our very cold winter months). Parenting is not a competition, and I have Mommy friends of various parenting styles who completely agree with that, and with the fact that without lying, and other “bad parenting” skills, the fun goes completely out of being a parent, and if it isn’t fun at least some of the time, what the hell is the point in doing it?

Jen 5 years ago

Add me to the “AMEN” crowd!

Heidi Danos 5 years ago

Haha. Just today, I told my 5 month old twins we were going for ice cream. Instead we went to the doc for shots. Granted, they didn’t quite understand, but it’s the thought that counts.

Andrea 5 years ago

Seriously – what is wrong w/ people – don’t they get that it’s humorous? And yeah – why do they need to insult you – you didn’t write to them personally and tell them they have a pole stuck in a place it shouldn’t be…just saying…

Diana @Hormonal Imbalances 5 years ago

Lol – I’m keeping this in mind as I watch my daughter chuck them off her tray tomorrow.

Maggie 5 years ago

Pffffffft. I would hate to be their kids!!! My sense of humor is what keeps “this” working!! Can you imagine how boring and dry their life must be?? My son who is now 14, laughs at the crap I have told him over the years. It’s our parental right to lie to the little buggers!!

Alicia @MommyDelicious 5 years ago

Wow… insane. Funny you should mention insecurity because as I was reading the comments that were left on your comment, I was thinking that maybe they are leaving such comments because, well, they’re insecure with their own parenting. I mean, really… it is clearly for humor. And it’s good humor — the ice cream truck one is amazingly genius! It’s not supposed to encourage moms to lie to their children. Just poke fun of what you did. For someone to have to state that you’re a member of the bad mother’s club or that they hope their kids never run into yours… really, really? Now that’s just tacky.

Diana @Hormonal Imbalances 5 years ago


This is why you are loved. Haters be damned.

Mary 5 years ago

I think you’re funny as well as honest about being a Mom. Us Moms aren’t perfect or get it right all the time and let’s face it, if it gets us off the hook for the moment, we say what comes to mind. Whatever works :)! If you ask me these Moms who are so uptight are lying or deluding themselves. I find it hard to believe they never have told even a little white lie to their kids………….just sayin’

Tara 5 years ago

I agree with what the sistas above me already said. We don’t lie to our kids to be mean, we generally lie to either to protect them from things they don’t need to worry about at this point, or we lie to save our own sanity. Huge difference. So unless these other “moms” supplied the baby juice and/or pushed *your* kids out of *their* vaginas, they have no right to say anything and need to shut the fuck up.

Amy @ mommetime 5 years ago

WOW…thank gawd I still have a sense of humor!

a question for all the tight ass mom’s out there – do you take your children to see Santa Claus? Did you lead them to believe he would bring them gifts Christmas morning? Do you lie to your children and tell them that the tooth fairy exists? I do. I also tell my kids that I have Super Human Mom Powers…and I can see what they are doing from the back of my head! And you better believe I let them know it as often as needed! I also tell them that if they don’t let ‘me’ brush their teeth the tooth cavity fairy will deposit ick on their teeth causing their teeth to turn black…

Lighten up people!

The Mommyologist 5 years ago

You and I SO speak the same language! There are some CRAZY commenters out there. I get complete nut cases on my Babble posts. One chick told me that my son was going to grow up to be a serial killer for having such a bitch for a mother. Good times.

The good news is…the nasty comments only give me a thicker skin!

Brenda 5 years ago

Oh, the American Girl store is genius!! And, how frightening about your son. I pray he is ok!

Laughing Through Tears 5 years ago

I like The Stir, but it seems like it’s one-stop-shopping for trolls there. Ever notice the hater comments are higher there than here (on your actual blog)? You are one of 3 people that I follow over there and also on their personal blogs, and it seems like the personal blogs are the friendlier climate. Maybe because The Stir attracts ALL KINDS of mommies, not just the scary ones. Anyway, I hope they are giving you guys combat pay for putting yourselves out there.

tara 5 years ago

I read a few of those comments and was too disgusted to continue. I remember an article on cafe mom (I think) about a mom who gave her children a few pennies as incentive to stop fighting, you should have seen how those bitches raked her over the coals. I don’t usually get involved but I had to tell those sanctimonious, judgmental a$$holes exactly how stupid they were. I hate the mompetitors, they really piss me off. THEIR children never misbehave, they NEVER refuse their dinner and are perfect in every way. It makes me want to vomit!!!! I say fuck ’em! I’d so much rather be myself, as imperfect as I am, then belong to the panties-too-tight club. I loved your article and laughed my ass off.

Robin 5 years ago

I have a feeling that many of these moms do not realize yours is a humor blog. A couple of glances at the site, and the way it’s set up, reveals that there’s no indication that your blog isn’t about straight parenting issues. My guess is those critical posters are expecting regular parenting advice and when they get your snarky take instead, well, they’re taking it quite seriously and they’re getting pissed. As you’re seeing. Now I am not saying they’re right about that, it’s just an possible explanation.

Lorraine Devon Wilke 5 years ago

I discovered the Very Serious Mommies of which you speak when my son started kindergarten. I was cornered at the door on the very first day by a wild-eyed group clearly agitated by the very average-ness of the beige room, and asked piercingly, “Is your son gifted?” Less interested in my son’s IQ than in clearly trying to rabble rouse me into joining them and their “very gifted” (as they put it) children in demanding a better corner of the school campus, I looked them over, felt the heat of their Intensity and said, “No. He’s really just profoundly average.” You could hear a pin drop. They looked me over as if I’d blurted profanities, huffed in clear rejection and pounded away. When I ventured into the first PTA meeting, guess who was running the show? Oh yeah. The Very Serious Mommies. They’d be leaving hate mail at your blog too. I never flinched but they are a tough pack to avoid out there in the real world of Hyper Serious Parenting Leading to Helicopter Parenting and Later to Empty Nest Psychosis Monsters who send Children Fleeing As Far and Quickly As Possible. Ef ’em. Keep makin’ the rest of us laugh!

Lisa 5 years ago

When it’s important, we always told the truth…like when our son was diagnosed with cancer at age 8 and he asked if he was going to die. We told the truth “we hope not” but didn’t lie. BUT when I took my 4 year old to the American girl place I had no problem telling her it was a museum! She eventually figured it out and at age 16 loves to tell that story and laugh at how smart her mom was!

vanillasugar 5 years ago

you should read some of the nasty emails i get. fuck em. girl you rock, you speak the truth and you are an EXCELLENT mother, hot wife, and I’m sure an even better friend who will tell you sound sage advice to a friend in need while kicking them in the ass and hugging them like they need. keep on keeping on being you, ’cause if you change I will kick your ass

Scary Mommy 5 years ago

That does sound an awful lot like a vacation. Please don’t tempt me.

Scary Mommy 5 years ago

Yes. It WOULD be so much easier.

Scary Mommy 5 years ago

My kids eat off of floors more often that even I would like to admit. I like to think it build immunity.

martini mama 5 years ago

Amen sista….nothing more is needed after this blog…you summed it up perfect! :)

Felicia 5 years ago

This is one of the reasons I left Cafemom. I just couldn’t take the holier than though mothers any more who try to bash their way of parenting as THE ONE AND ONLY way. It’s nothing but one big bitching drama fest.

With that said I think its perfectly okay to lie to your kids in a reasonable way. Like Walmart is all out of chocolate milk, that toy stores can’t sell toys during certain hours (this one also evolves to any store we are in …and I would use it as a cashier to tell kids who were throwing a fit…and hey it wasn’t a lie then b/c I couldn’t sell it to them the parents didn’t want me to so HA!).

As far as to why these troll’s are so bad…other than not taking their daily dose of happy pills and doing the wild monkey dance in bed more often I am not sure what has crawled up their arse.

Scary Mommy 5 years ago

I was traumatized by “the great bloody nose incident of 1981” at Chuck E. Cheese. Some poor kid was punched in the nose on a slide and the blood dripped slowly down the whole thing, twisting and turning, before he appeared covered in it. I haven’t been back since. And I won’t be. Ever.

Suebob 5 years ago

I don’t have kids, but it seems to me that parenthood is one of those experiences that demands a certain amount of “trench humor” – you’re in there with poop and sleep deprivation and stomach bugs and juice spilled on the new couch and you have to laugh to keep from crying. I’m so glad I had parents who had great senses of humor (and who also lied to us BTW – my mom told me, when we hit a lot of green lights in a row, that my dad had called ahead to arrange it – a fact that I knew had to be true because my dad was THAT COOL). I can’t imagine growing up with some humorless uptight jerks who thought their way was the only way.

Yuliya 5 years ago

Just where would we be as a society without lies? Advertising executives, sales people, politicians ALL OUT OF WORK. Is that what these women want? Is it?
Storing away the ice cream truck one for later, absolutely genius.

amyb 5 years ago


Donda 5 years ago

I would wonder if Santa Claus, The Easter Bunny or Tooth Fairy don’t come to these houses. Does an eight year old really need to know the details of “Mommy and Daddy were just wrestling”? Honest Mom, when you encounter a homeless man asking for a some change do you go into grave detail about how homeless man became homeless man and that the five dollar bill you just gave him (you good Samaritan, you) is going to be spent on a bottle of Boone’s Farm and not a #5 combo meal at the McDonald’s he is standing in front of? Are all of these things not facts that will be learned with time at an age when innocence is supposed to be lost? Hold please, I have to look at the guide on the TV and tell the kids that ICarly is on but is only playing in their room so I don’t have to be subjected to it. Lying is necessary.

Lisa in Florida 5 years ago

“Are they so insecure that they need to bash other people in order to feel OK about themselves? ”


And frankly, any mother who says she has never lied to her kids is, well, lying.

Kalee 5 years ago

I clicked the link this morning and read it plus the comments that were up at the time to my husband. His reaction was people need to freaking lighten up and stop being sanctimommies. I agree. And then I thought, doesn’t this lady live near me? I definitely want to know people like you when we eventually have kids. Lies are sometimes necessary for sanity, and there’s nothing wrong with that.

Lana | RaisedbyPoker 5 years ago

I am of the first group. I wrote my own post about lying like mad to my children (one of them still thinks he had emergency, life-saving, belly button reattachment surgery). However, I come from people who make comments like those in the second group. They are deeply not funny. Buzzkill does not come close to their effect on life. My life is insane, if I didn’t laugh about it, there would be a post-it note where I used to be.

Whatever gets you through the night :-)

Krystal Grant 5 years ago

Bravo. Maybe you should try to meet those mothers who leave ridiculous in real life. That’ll give you a chance to punch them in the mouths. Well, it might get you fired from your job, and send you to jail. But at least you’ll get 3 square meals and uninterrupted sleep. You can lie to your kids and tell them you’re on an extended vacation.

Kris 5 years ago

By the way, I read the majority of the comments over there. All of those saying that they were scarred for life because their parents lied to them have even bigger problems. Like the fact that they didn’t manage to learn the truth until they had kids themselves. Seems to me that they need to be reading something other than blogs on the internet.

Melissa 5 years ago

I was just having this conversation with a friend of mine. So many parents waste time judging other parents choices. It’s not your kid… so it’s not your choice. This mothering gig is hard enough as it is… we’re all flying by the seat of our pants here. Wouldn’t it all be a lot easier if we just gave each other some freaking support? Besides… who really cares what OTHER people are doing with their kids? Do they really have time to worry about it? I know I don’t. Good for you for throwing it out there.

Life with Kaishon 5 years ago

Oh my word. They sound like they have REAL issues. I totally and completely wish I would have thought of that Chuck E. Cheese lie : ) Laughing my head off. BRILLIANT!

Jenn 5 years ago

I think these are the same mums who competed in the “childlympics” as I like to call them. “oh well your child just learned the alphabet at 24 months? oh well mine knew it at 14 months…” Those kind of comments usually end up in the go screw yourself category in my book.

Kris 5 years ago

Obviously they are just trying to cover up their own insecurity. Hell, if I gave my child a psychological complex because I told her the truth about where babies come from and how Santa doesn’t exist I would probably need to make myself feel better somehow too. I personally love your brand of sarcastic humor.

Jenn @ South of Sheridan 5 years ago

I wonder how these mothers are doing at being “the most amazing parents ever” with their heads shoved so far up their own asses? It’s gotta make the job tougher . . .

Some people are just unreal.

Maniacal Mommy 5 years ago

That’s the hard part about putting yourself out there. For every commiserating and sane Mommy, you’ve got the ones who drank the Kool Aid and think if they are perfect, their kids will be too.

And I am totally for letting kids eat off the floor. It means less I have to clean.

Bella 5 years ago

If it makes you feel any better, my son recently ate marshmallows off Walmarts floor. It was stop him or get the last bottle of Pine-sol before some old creep scooped it up. I went with Pine-sol because, well at least my own floor should be clean so he can eat off it. LOL.

I used to hang out a lot at cafe mom but the place was too dramatic. I like my blog. If someone doesn’t like something they can not red it. And if I don’t like them, I can delete them :0)

Lin 5 years ago

I’d love for these moms who get all uppity about “lying” to their children then explain why they keep up with Santa Clause and the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny. Seriously? A rabbit? That lays eggs and/or gives them away? Come on. I’d rather my kids believing that one about the ice cream truck!

Meg 5 years ago


Ann’s Rants 5 years ago

Keep doing exactly what you are doing–taking over the world with your humor and ruining your children with your deceit.


Wendi 5 years ago

Just imagine how hard it must be to grow up with a mother who doesn’t have a sense of humor.

And Chuck E Cheese doesn’t let mothers in? I wish I’d known that whopper before the “fecal matter in the ball pit” incident of 2006.

Brenda 5 years ago

I want to be just like you when I grow up!

Erin 5 years ago

I was so enraged by all the do-gooder commentors on that entry you did, I honestly did not know how to properly voice it other than to say:

Who the F are you people and please stay the F away from me.

I didn’t comment at all but reading those left after my visit only enrage me more. I agree with you completely on THIS thread. Lighten the hell up and man, I feel for their kids and significant other.

Shondira 5 years ago

Amen. People need to get a sense of humor. My kids are old enough now though that they can sense my sarcasm and retort with their own. Lying doesn’t work as well anymore :(

Heather 5 years ago

’nuff said. :)

Gretchen 5 years ago

( Is this lying by omission??? O GOOD!)

Gretchen 5 years ago

I say: TG my kids are medically fragile! No need to even let them know a Chuck E Cheese exists!

Julie Creighton 5 years ago

You said it! I truly believe we would have fewer moms out there who are stressed out, and on some form of mood stabilizer because they feel like a failure if they are not perfect. The ‘unperfect’ parent is the new, balanced, “perfect” parent. I feel that I have been there-done that (and have the t-shirt too). I have a 16, 13 and 1 year old. My first two? hmmmm, turned out not too bad, definately not perfect. How can they?… when… by the time they go to school, the influence of teachers and peers they have make up most of the hours they are awake on any given day, so my previous self acknowledged perfection as a young mom (ripe old age of 21) really didn’t matter…I am turning 40 at the end of the month and with my little guy, well, it’s really weird. The more mistakes I make with him, the better my day turns out. I have fewer sick days, way less tantrums, he sleeps the night, and is just enjoyable. You might say its ME….YES, it is….I am NOW…and proud of it, way less perfect and I am way less stressed. If other parents I knew when I was younger stopped trying to compete with “who beat who to the potty, speaking etc..and just focused at the humour that really goes on behind closed doors, there would be a lot more happiness out there. Scareymommy, I see you as a really happy woman with a happy family. Sure not everyday is a picknick, but honey you are REAL. I don’t know about you, but MY mom, taught me to either ‘agree to disagree’ or just appeciate another person’s point of view without passing judgement.

Jenifer 5 years ago

So these few Mothers who would never & don’t ever lie to their children have sat their children down and told them there’s No Santa, No Tooth Fairy, No Easter Bunny, No Flying Reindeer … I could on & on!
Parents who claim to never yell, lie, cuss, & get annoyed with their kids are THE BIGGEST LIARS IN THEE WHOLE WORLD (Nacho Libre voice) LOL!

Christina 5 years ago

Wow, really? Those people are pretending to be Holier than Thou. They must be perfect. They must have children who obey, and are emotionless. Lying has gotten every single parent out of a tantrum situation and I say more power to the lie if it gets me out of the toy department or buying that umpteenth stuffed animal. Humor is the heart of a family and the odd white lie won’t kill them, you just laugh about it later when your kids starting doing the same thing one day.

chrissymacceo 5 years ago

You must have some thick skin. Those comments r not only stupid but i agree, why do thesevmoms think its okay to even comment? If they thinkbthey r so great then why brother cmmenting?

Anna S. 5 years ago

Oh please! Like these people have never told their children about Santa or the Easter Bunny!

Kristine 5 years ago

Awesome post! I proudly admit that I lie like a rug to my daughter..often those lies have saved me from answering eleventy million questions….

Erin 5 years ago

Oh, gosh. If anyone says that they DON’T lie to their kids, they are lying. You have no idea how many times per day I lie to my daughter. Plus, in addition to lying, I desperately shield her from the truth about the scariness of the world, which is kinda lying too. To those self-righteous moms, I call foul. Really? No Santa? No Easter Bunny? No “McDonald’s playground has been closed down forever”? I hope my blissful daughter never runs into the children of those smug, sanctimonious mothers who clearly don’t want their children to be children.

CASSIE 5 years ago

This literally made me LOL!!!!! SOOOOO that’s what they are doing?! Sneaky kids, now I know their secret and I will make sure they clean it all up! :) BWAHAHAHAHA

Jen 5 years ago

So they know how to reason with toddlers? I’d like to know their secret.
I’m not a mom, but have been a preschool teacher and a nanny. You can’t possibly tell them the whole truth all of the time and expect them to understand.. If someone knows how, I’d like to know!

Well said, btw :) I don’t like people that tear each other down like that either.

MamaBennie 5 years ago

I read it, and personally, I think people who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones. It was for humor first of all, and for them to criticize others, they had better bet the best fucking parents on the planet. I am sure they fuck things up all the time and just don’t like to admit it. People with that kind of holier than thou personality, will raise stuck up children that will treat people the same way they do. I’m totally not down with that. You have to be goofy and make mistakes in life every now and then, otherwise you aren’t really living.

Jeff 5 years ago

Right on.

Cathryn 5 years ago

Mummy bashing is sad. Surely knowing how hard a job it is, we would do all we can to encourage each other rather than judge and demean.

p.s my son loves to eat his scraps off the floor, more so than off the plate. I’m sure he purposely throws the best bits on the ground for later.


Enjoying this? Then like us on Facebook