Constance Hall shares advice about parenting that has us all feeling a little bit better
Being a parent is one of the most challenging jobs there is. The years are a jumble of self-doubt and constant second guessing, never really knowing if you are getting it right. Australian blogger Constance Hall was having one of those uncertain moments recently and decided to share some advice to offer a new perspective, one every parent deserves to hear.
Hall said a child therapist friend of hers told her she was such a “good mum” several weeks back and Hall told her, “I don’t feel like a good mum. The kids are driving me so crazy, I’m losing my temper and falling asleep at night wondering where I’m going got [sic] get the patients for another day.” This is a sentiment to which every parent can relate.
Hall said her friend then offered her some advice she will never forget. “Babies cry, it’s how they communicate. Toddlers scream, children whinge and teenagers complain. Then mums say the words ‘for fuck sake’ under their breath before every responding. It’s how we communicate,” she said. “But guess what Con? It’s better then [sic] silence. A house full of screaming kids and fighting teenagers and a parent who’s being thrown every question and request is a healthy one to me.”
Hall is never one to shy away from controversial topics and is always very vocal in her support of women and the overwhelming feelings motherhood can bring. She is the first to admit when she feels like she is failing as a mother and her honesty resonates because parenting is hard. Being “on” all the time is exhausting and even though we love our kids more than anything, it is perfectly normal to admit we don’t always have our shit together – and our kids don’t always have theirs together, either.
The therapist went onto say, “It’s the silent children, the scared toddlers, the teenagers that don’t come home and the parents who aren’t in communication with their children that I worry about.”
Her message has already resonated with thousands of her followers online, many who said Hall’s message came at just the right time.
“I read somewhere that kids can act so crazy with their parents because we are their safe space. They have to control their behaviour out in the world and when they get home with their parents they can let go of everything they have held back. Because we are their safe space. I keep telling myself this when they are driving me bonkers. It’s their way of saying they feel safe and loved.”
“If I had a dollar for every time I muttered ” for fucks sake” under my breath, I could afford not only a full time nanny, but a housekeeper and chef too.”
“A foster carer who did a parenting course I was on years ago said that I should be proud of myself that my kids shout back or scream and shout, it means they know they’re safe enough to do that because they know I’ll never hurt them. Some children don’t have that luxury.”
“This could not have been more timely …our house has felt chaotic and crazy lately with so much yelling, lots of strong personalities in my home …so needed to read this tonight, thanks!”
Hall ends her post with the only words a parent needs to hear sometimes…
“Deep breaths, you’re doing a good job.”