My husband is brilliant. He cruised through school with straight A’s and for years would lie about his age at work, out of fear that people would hate him for having accomplished so much at such a young age. He has a photographic memory and never ceases to amaze me with the insane wealth of information in his head. He is really, seriously, freakishly smart.
So, why is it that he can be such a fucking moron?
Jeff is totally unable to grasp the concept of the DVR. I’m not talking abut setting a recording– that’s way out of his league. I mean simply the very notion of recording and playing back a program. He constantly bombards me with questions of “how” and “what if?” He doesn’t understand why he cannot simply rewind any given program at any time, without setting a recording. If we are watching a live show, he asks if we can fast forward. I have spent countless hours trying to teach him, but we’ve given up and I now retain sole power over the machine. It’s baffling.
I wish I could say that this is where this behavior ends, but it’s only the beginning. Jeff is absolutely clueless when it comes to how anything operates in our house. He has no idea where a single thing goes in the kitchen, although we have lived in this house now for a year and a half. I was making grilled cheese for the kids yesterday and asked him to grab me a pan. I was presented with a pie dish. Really, Jeff? How would this work, exactly? The laundry machine is really nothing to be afraid of and you do need to add detergent before running it. The circuit breaker? It’s in the basement, honey. You get the point.
He once equated his obliviousness at home to my lack of understanding how things work in his office. He didn’t seem to agree that the two scenarios are entirely different, given that he lives here and I have been to his office exactly twice.
But, he did snag us tickets to the inauguration. At least he’s good for something.