Because…who doesn’t want to buy sex toys at Burger King
Today is Valentine’s Day. This means couples everywhere will be putting their children to bed early tonight, locking their bedroom doors, slipping out of their clothes and into a little light role playing of the “Overworked Fast Food Restaurant Manager and the Hungry Customer.” Oh, Mr. Manager, I’m sooo hungry but I’ve been so naughty today. Do you have anything behind that counter I can munch on?
Wait, just me? Don’t leave me hanging here.
Fortunately, Burger King is now making it even easier to get in the mood this Valentine’s Day. That’s a sentence no one in the history of the world thought they would ever utter. Ever. The fast food chain’s new “Adult” meal’s objective? To help couples get busy this Valentine’s Day, with the addition of a sex toy, Adweek reports. Some may think this is taking one stop shopping to a whole new level but hey, food and sex, sex and food. We’re in.
The ad starts by saying, “Kid’s meal? That’s for kids.” Cue soft porn music and voila, out pop the sex toys from the happy meal-shaped box like a rabbit out of a magician’s hat. The meal also comes with two Whoppers, two bags of fries, and two beers to help numb the fact that you are about to use a sex toy that’s been sitting next to flame broiled beef for hours.
The ad shows a sleep mask, a feather duster, and a scalp massager as possible toy options one may receive but we are crossing our chicken tenders that a vibrator fits in our box. If Burger King is asking, there are portable vibrators that look like just like lipstick cases. They are small, discreet, and cheap (so I’ve heard). We think if Burger King starts selling these puppies with their meals, we can almost guarantee their female customer base will grow exponentially, regardless of the holiday.
To participate in the Valentine’s Day meal, customers must be 18 years of age and older and can pop by any time after 6pm. The kicker? These meals aren’t available in the US. Oh, the unfairness of it all. Unless you live in Israel this V Day, you will have to make do with their standard menu options. But have hope, perhaps next year Burger King will bring one of these flame broiled sizzlers to a restaurant near you.