Jill Smokler, AKA Scary Mommy
What started as an innocent on-line baby book to chronicle Jill's stay-at-home days with her children, (Lily, Ben, and Evan) quickly transformed into a vibrant community of parents, brought together by a common theme: Parenting doesn’t have to be perfect. Learn more here.
@scarymommy
NYT bestselling author of Confessions of a Scary Mommy and Motherhood Comes Naturally (And Other Vicious Lies). Fond of curse words, sarcasm and Diet Coke.
The hilarious (and tragic) truth on feeding kids from @LShirtliffe http://t.co/VO50V1XG8A - 1 day ago
Latest posts by Jill Smokler, AKA Scary Mommy (see all)
- The Disney Reveal - May 14, 2013
- Met My Match At Disney… - May 13, 2013
- Sunday’s Baltimore Sun - May 11, 2013
{ 248 comments… read them below or add one }
Naked, unanatomically correct Barbie, I worship you and all of your awesomeness.
.-= Krystyn´s last blog ..Nope, not a diva at all | Wordful Wednesday =-.
“Look mommy, I am the Statue of Liberty!”
Holding Barbie seems more French than that stupid old torch.
Caption: “Look Mommy! This is how you look in the shower.”
And long may her blonde hair wave….
.-= domestic extraordinaire´s last blog ..The Nineteenth of May =-.
“To infinity…and the mall!”
Barbie wonders why Ken always puts her up on a pedestal, particularly when she forgets her clothes.
This is my perfect woman!
.-= noelle´s last blog ..25 Weeks…Just a few days shy of turning 6 Months old! =-.
naked sexy Barbie! Look at her hair MOM!
No honey, your future wife won’t be 6′ 0″, weigh 100 lbs., wear a size 4 with measurements of 39″/19″/33″.
“To boobies, and beyond!!!”
.-= Chrissy MacCEO´s last blog ..Wordful Wednesday:: Slip n’ Slide! =-.
“If I had some scissors I would totally chop off all her hair. And then feed it to the cat. Yeahhh. good times….”
.-= Elaine´s last blog ..What Baby K Would Say =-.
It’s a bird, it’s a plane, it’s…SU-PER-GIRL!
Barbie just wants to have some fun!
.-= Jacquelyn Cannon´s last blog ..Caption this Picture =-.
“Mommy, why does Daddy call her my Trophy Wife?”
Mom, meet my wife.
.-= S Club Mama´s last blog ..Potty Training: Day 1 (at the halfway point) =-.
Oh I love that Liz!
.-= Sarah´s last blog ..Five for Ten: Outstanding Contributions =-.
Mommy, is this what you look like naked?
“All women for the rest of my life must live up to these standards!” Little does he know, they shall fail! :-)
Okay I was going to be obnoxious and say this:
“Mommy, I see her curtains, but where is her carpet???”
but I won’t.
Oh wait, I just did. But that’s not my entry, that’s just a joke. I’ll come up with something better.
.-= Texan Mama´s last blog ..Weekly Winners: May 23-29 =-.
” PLEASE, just tell me he’s looking at my hair?”
.-= lceel´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday – Flowers at our House =-.
Yeah, I got nothin’. Besides, what would I do with Pull Ups?? I have a 12 year old. :P
*snort*
.-= BlissfulBabe´s last blog ..Happy Blogoversary To Me! =-.
I’m pretty sure this is how Jeffrey Dahmer started out.
.-= moooooog35´s last blog ..Craigslist Killer – Part Deux? =-.
Little Billy didn’t know that this is how he would look at women for the rest of his life….
And the stereotype begins…
“I asked for a space shuttle for my birthday and all I got was my sister’s hand me down barbie doll….guess this will have to do!”
“First he cut my hair…then he stole my dress…someone get Lily before he pulls my head off!!!!”
Awesome giveaway by the way!
.-= Mama Kat´s last blog ..The Bachelorette: I Only Need Two Roses Tonight Chris =-.
“Mmmph… that is Grade-A, top-choice meat!”
Huh. Even from way up there those proportions don’t look right!
To infinity…and beyond!!!!!
marieldumas@yahoo.com
Do you think Lily will be mad when she sees what I’ve done to her Barbie? Naaaah… I’ll just give her my “how you doin’” look and all will be forgiven.
.-= Shannon´s last blog ..Table Topics Tuesday: girls just wanna have fun! =-.
Bird..
To the moooooonnnnn!!!!!!
Hey big sister, don’t you just love the haircut I gave your favorite barbie?!
Mommy your body doesn’t look like this
Yo Grabba Grabba!
.-= Cindy S´s last blog ..The Bears and the Bees =-.
Heeerrrre she comes to save the day!! “Ooops, I think I forgot something”
“Why doesn’t she have hair down there like you do, Mommy?”
or
“What are boobies for?”
or
“Look what I found in that little girl’s backpack!”
.-= Domesticated Gal´s last blog ..This? Is why Online Shopping was invented. =-.
barbie needs a chemical hair treatment! looks a little frazzled! LOL
.-= courtney´s last blog ..IT Cosmetics Review + Giveaway =-.
If your son is anything like my son, the object in hand doesn’t really matter and his caption would be one of two things:
1. Vroooooooom!
2. Bang bang bang bang (gun noises)
.-= Allison´s last blog ..Sports Injury =-.
There’s no milk in these!
“I got this woman in the palm of my hand!”
He’s too freaking cute!
A Toddler Love Story
or
Flash forward 20 years to therapy “Dr. Smith, I believe this photo shows the beginning of my obsession with blonde bombshells.”
.-= Em´s last blog ..Epic FAIL =-.
This woman can’t make me take a nap, because I’m bigger than her.
Are these real or fake?
.-= Cheryl´s last blog ..Home is a springboard =-.
“I WON!!!”
‘Barbie, you have nothing on my mom!’
‘What all women should look like.’
Up, up and away naked Barbie girl!!
To nakedness and beyond!
:)
.-= Jen´s last blog ..Happy Memorial Day! =-.
Mommy taught him young, the female figure is something of beauty – in any size shape or form (even plastic)
I’ll show you mine if you’ll show me yours….
“Behold! The majestic nakedness of the one, the only, Barbie!”
And this is what I have to look forward to when I get older??? What’s the big deal???
“How much for zee Voman?”
A few more (sorry I tend towards the dirty):
“My anaconda don’t want none unless you got buns, hon!”
“I’m holding her up because I heard Daddy saying girl on top was best!”
“Hmmm… needs a little more off the right to even out the cut… FAAAAbulous!”
Barbies Gone Wild.
(somewhere right now, Joe Francis is proud of your son.)
.-= McMommy´s last blog ..Brain Potpourri =-.
“Shear Genius”
“Look at this, mom, breasts that defy gravity! Remember what that was like?”
Here Mommy, I don’t need her anymore, I just heard that Heidi Montag left Spencer Pratt and will be available again.
Here daddy. You can have your doll back.
.-= Mariah´s last blog ..Take me out to the ballgame =-.
“To Barbie Crotch…. and Beyond!!!”
Holy moly that is a funny picture!
.-= Rachel @ Mommy Needs a Vacation´s last blog ..Wordful Wednesday: My Husband Rocks =-.
LOL jill, i love you. you rock the crazy blogging world.
don’t enter me, i don’t have kids, and i think my hubby might enjoy the DVD’s too much.
“let’s dip her in chocolate again Mom”
.-= vanillasugar´s last blog ..asian beef short ribs over warm balsamic potato salad =-.
“Wonder Twin Power .. Activate!”
5 … 4 … 3 … 2 … 1 BLAST OFF!!!
“By the power of Greyskull….I am…um….BARBIE!!!!!?”
Look mom she can fly!! She really must be full of air!
Look! It’s Mommy!
MOMMY, DO THESE COME IN LIFE SIZE?
“Go GO gadget Nudist!”
Hey Mom. Look, Paris Hilton!!
You only said I couldn’t take her head off, mommy.
Future male cheerleader learns early what those super macho boys will never know…the power of being the base in a pyramid.
Su-per Nudist!
The moment he became an ass man
Beam me up, Scotty!
To all blondes having more fun……..WE SALUTE YOU!
“It sure is hot out here. I think Barbie has a great idea–see, Mom? Freedom! The wind in my hair! Ahhh! Mommy? Can I?”
.-= 1momof5´s last blog ..Empowered – I Did It! =-.
This is the day that he realized it was only okay to stare at a girl’s body when she had her back turned!
“Hmm, from this angle her hair looks suspiciously like a weave.”
.-= Amy of famed pregnantchicken.com´s last blog ..Welcome to Pregnant Chicken! =-.
If I hold her juuusssttt right then they won’t notice the hair.
.-= Jennifer´s last blog ..Dancin’ the night away =-.
Mommy, she looks just like you!
The exact moment when some preschool girls lock in their homecoming queen dreams and the rest of us start cultivating that “great sense of humor.”
.-= Kate Coveny Hood´s last blog ..What Would Pioneer Woman Think? =-.
So much quieter than my real sister…
Hey! I bet this will REALLY screw up the plumbing when I flush it!
No doctor…THIS is what my mommy wants to look like!
“Uh, huh. Nothing real about this chick.”
Ok, I am not very clever…but this is a great prize! Thank you. :-)
“Boy needs a haircut.”
“Captain Cutie Curls was saved from drowning when his sidekick, Tits McBusty, activated the Inflatable Chest Pillows.”
I’ll have these when I grow up…. right?
Hmmm I know this is going to affect my choice of women all my life, now that i have this imprinted in my brain, “mom, do all girls have stamps on their bottoms?”
“see girl, I told you no matter what you look like naked that haircut is off the chain, now go on and drop it like it’s hot”
“Look Mommy, doesn’t she look boootiful! Just like you!”
.-= Missy´s last blog ..The Good, the Bad and the Ugly =-.
“look mommy. Boobies”.
.-= angie´s last blog ..Wordful Wednesday-More Home Improvements…. =-.
I want my future wife to look like this Mommy!
Mommy, I think somethings missing….
And the academy award goes to…
Duh, can I have something real.
Take this plastic creature, please…
I will trade you this Barbie for the 3 pack of hot wheel sport cars.
Don’t enter me in the contest because thank GOD, I don’t need pull ups or videos. But I think this is a boy who thinks women (especially when naked) needs to be placed on a pedastal.
.-= Gigi´s last blog ..Ten Tips for Dyeing Your Hair….Yourself. =-.
Misogyny begins in childhood!
Trophy wife?!?!
As my daughter always used to say “Look Mommy, I taked herm clofes off” (LOL, sorry, for the flashback)
See Mom? She’s got NOTHIN’ on You!!!
.-= Julie´s last blog ..Last Day. =-.
“Look what I found in Daddy’s car.”
.-= Dana´s last blog ..Garden Beasts =-.
Bare Barbie Blast’s Off
.-= Julie´s last blog ..Pain =-.
I thought women were raised to a ‘higher’ standard than this!?
Give’s “I’m a Big Kid Now!” a whole new meaning!!!
“mom,she doesn’t have to pee?”
“By the power of Grayskull…I have the POWER!”
.-= Jo´s last blog ..Introducing =-.
“Baby’s new dance partner had lifts down to a science.”
“If I could juuuuust reach that ceiling fan…..”
.-= Jen G.´s last blog ..jengunn: Organic Fruits and Vegetables – When Organic is Worth the Price: via @suite101 =-.
Mommy, this looks like Daddy’s new friend.
.-= Em´s last blog ..Epic FAIL =-.
Super Girl had had been more frantic than usual, what with the teething baby/kindergarten permission slips/early conference call to another time zone/aging dog, but as she took off for work, she was feeling really proud of herself for having checked every. single. thing. off her To Do list that morning before the daycare drop off.
.-= MommyTime´s last blog ..Who Fooled Whom? =-.
2 happy meals please. We’re um, both hungry.
.-= Angie´s last blog ..I Was Actually Somewhat Crafty! A New Dining Set! =-.
She will be mine, oh yes, she will be mine someday!
Also (true story, not caption): my mother once dashed in five minutes late for a sewing lesson she was about to teach at a local store where I worked because my toddler brother had thrown up all over everything as she was getting ready to leave the house. She was beautifully made up and dressed down to the waist. She had on stockings and nice shoes. And only a slip. No skirt. These things can really happen.
.-= MommyTime´s last blog ..Who Fooled Whom? =-.
if I hold her up juuust right, her boobs look even bigger reflected in Mommy’s camera lens !
“Mom, can’t decide if I want to be hair dresser or a plastic surgeon…hair looks like shit but her tits are defying gravity.”
“Mom, Barbie has a brown eye!”
One bad trip to the electrolysis center and you end up with a completely fused torso.
I want to try, but I can’t. Your readers are wicked creative and I don’t know HOW you are going to pick a winner!!
“To the Moooooon!”
“To infinity… and the mall!”
“Mommy, this is how you look in the shower!”
can’t top those.
have fun!
.-= seriouslyahomemaker´s last blog ..Another Mom Called the Cops on Me =-.
Well. mommy’s tummy USED to look like that and then she carried you in it and, well, it’s ruined now!
It’s a bird, it’s a plane, it’s naked barbie saving the world. Hey sounds like a movie! I won’t tell you what genre…
Look Ma, Plastic womanly goodness. And I can hold her in one hand.
Look, Mommie, she’s barefoot!
“It’s a bird! It’s a plane! It’s naked Barbie!”
mom is this what you look like
What kind of car does this one transform into?
.-= Jayme´s last blog ..Tuesday?! Woah. Random Tuesday Thoughts Coming Right Up! =-.
Up, up and away…
All hail Barbie.
“Nippies? THESE are nippies? No freakin’ way!”
.-= Suzanne´s last blog ..He’s Just Got to STOP! =-.
I can’t compete so just for kicks:
‘Look mommy, this doll looks just like the ladies in those magazines daddy hides from you in the sock drawer’.
Mom, she followed me home! Can I keep her?
Daddy says he wishes you looked more like this…
Many thanks!
Mommy, Look it’s Woody’s next wife!
.-= Renee Simmons´s last blog ..Laura’s Lean Beef Backyard Grilling Season, 25th Anniversary w/ $5,000 Summer Sweeps =-.
Hey Look mom its Super Cougar!
.-= Rachel´s last blog ..Kur-Plop! =-.
It’s a bird, it’s a plane, it’s…SuperBarbie!
A PICTURE IS WORTH A THOUSAND WORDS
“All hail the Blonde Bitch…Barbie is her name!”
Found a place to hide her.
Whoa…Now that explains a lot!!!
.-= Dana´s last blog ..Memorial Day =-.
“Look Ma…no clothes!”
.-= Brandy U´s last blog ..The Gift of an Ordinary Day =-.
Work it girl!
Its a bird, its a plane…no,…it’s Super Naked Barbie to the rescue!
“Triumph!”
And I’ll bet he didn’t even have to deal in unclasping her bra. Stupid perky Barbie.
.-= Lori Z.´s last blog ..There’s One Kid I hope Got a Job at Hallmark =-.
My daughter just showed me this post, and having had a son like this, I’m going to say: “I wonder how long she’ll take to melt in the microwave?”
Good luck with that one.
Hey daddy, did you lose your plaything?
Little Jimmy loved practicing his magician skills. Soon he would make Barbie disappear by using only his mind.
To infinity and beyond………..
“Barbie can fly-watch!”
“Why the Third Child Always Needs Therapy”
Poor guy has no problem using naked, yet aero-dynamic, barbie as a jet plane.
How come she doesn’t look like anyone I have ever seen naked?
Barbie, be free of the stereotypes about the perfect woman and just be yourself…
FLY , BARBIE FLY!!!
‘So that’s where the propulsion system is located!’
.-= Seattledad (Luke, I am Your Father)´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday: Red Coats Edition =-.
“If I hold her up to the light just right , I may be able to see through her painted on panties!”
is this what you looked like before kids mommie?
I can’t think of anything. I came here just to do this:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
.-= subWOW´s last blog ..Weekends are sacred =-.
Future porn director!
Mommy look what I found in Daddy’s drawer.
“I want Barbie as far away from me as possible”
.-= Susan S´s last blog ..All Natural Log Cabin Syrup =-.
“Mommy didn’t you used to look like this once upon a time?”
Behold—BOOBIES!
“she really needs to fix her hair!”
umm, mom, I need some fatigues and face paint..her pink gown got ripped running into enemy territory!
.-= jade´s last blog ..“Cup Holder” =-.
Mommy, why don’t you look like this girl?
“God, is this how Eve looked in the garden of Eden?”
Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mom! Mom! MOM! MOM! MOMMY! MOMMY! MOMMY!!!! MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!
Yes… what?
Where is Barbie’s weewee?!?!?
The hero warrior princesses conquers, yet again!!!!
Mmmmmmmm, boobs.
“If I hold her to the light at just the right angle, I may be able to see through her painted on panties.”
“I said Swiper no swiping, but he swiped her clothes anyway!”
Apparently, he misinterpreted when he was told that people get strong muscles by lifting barbells.
Up, up and away!
Who says I can’t put her up on a pedestal?
.-= Jennifer´s last blog ..Brusha! =-.
LOVE this one!
.-= Jennifer´s last blog ..Brusha! =-.
“Where’s my truck?” ( said sixty years from now too )
LOOK MOM! I placed first in the pageant! Mom? Mom?
Shouldn’t Barbie be wearing Pull-Ups Mom?
but I refuse to play Ken for her
“Fly! Fly and be free!”
Yup… I’m an ass man.
this is what daddy said you looked like..before me!
autumn398 @ yahoo.com
See Mom I cut Barbies hair!
sex ed: get ‘em early.
She will be mine. Oh yes, she WILL be mine!
“Mommy, you could totally take on Barbie in a fight!”
TO infinity and beyond…oh shit, this is only a barbie
It’s really true what they say, it’s all toys and all play for me!
Hey Mom, Look no………CLOTHES !
Mommy, why does she have big mosquito bites on her chest? Do they hurt?
I wonder if her hair will still look like that AFTER I drop her from this high…..
“Someday, you will be mine, all mine”
“Is it suppose to look like that?!’
austma7@aol.com
5,4,3,2,1…………..BLAST OFF!
Butt mommy, why doesn’t she have any clothes?
See, boys do play with dolls… naked dolls!
Side note: I love his hair! He is adroable. My son has semi long hair and my husband wants to cut it but I keep putting it off. Anyway, thanks for the contest!
When I grow up I want one of these in life size
Mommy – yours point down, not out…
“Mommy, is this what you used to look like?”
Before the world obliterates his innocence.
.-= Liz´s last blog ..One Difference between My Son and My Daughter =-.
To Malibu & beyond!!!
Mommy, I found her in the daddy’s closet! ;)
His internal compass is calibrated correctly.
.-= Tammy´s last blog ..Things Remembered – Personalized BBQ Gift Set Giveaway =-.
This is for sissy taking my hotwheels!
“You don’t have to tell me about no stinkin Birds and Bees. I know all about them. Just tell me why that stupid sister of mine broke off her ding dong. Her back looks just like her front. That’s just WRONG.”
digicat {AT} sbcglobal {DOT} net
Behold! This is an example of what I don’t want my future girlfriend to look like!
look mom,I am thinking of all the ways I can destroy this barbie!
ardelong2(at)gmail(dot)com
“one day Mommy, this will be what motivates me. For now I’ll concentrate on mud pies and motorcycles.”
Mommy, why don’t you look like this? lol
I worship the impossibility of your perfection. Yep, here’s how we get our perv, glorious pervs- they sure do make them young these days. And now, time to chew off your feet.
Hahaha sorry- the few Barbies my girls ever got, the middle had a *shrunken heads in a jar* collection, the two littles chewed the feet and gave the hands to the dogs. Really not sure what happened to the bodies- probably have a graveyard somewhere.
.-= dddiva´s last blog ..NaBloPoMo June NOW What did you want to be when you grew up? =-.
Where his lifelong obsession with big breasted blonde’s all began
Mom. Look what I found – Please can I keep her.
typical american dream of thin and sexy
If I trim just a little more hair off the side, maybe I can make her look like GI Joe.
blonde hair green leaves
Men at work!!
“Behold, the only thing Greater than Yourself”.
Okay, so I stole that line from Roots. I’m too dumb to thing of something unique.
Your Friend, m.
.-= Mark´s last blog ..Golden Girl =-.
How a leg man gets his start!
“By the looks of this, I can’t wait to grow up!”
“Look Mommy, she’s a big kid too–no diaper just like me!”
Mommy, why don’t you look like her?
Super Boobies to the rescue!
“Mommy, she’s not very huggy, and she can’t actually DO anything. I’m putting her back in this box and pulling out my Transformers. What’s for dinner?”
.-= Emma´s last blog ..Blogging: modern day crafting? =-.
**Light bulb**: This is what I want to be when I grow up.
All the good ones were taken.
It’s a bird! It’s a plane! It’s a naked doll setting me up for a big disappointment in 15 years!
It’s a bird! It’s a plane! It’s a naked doll setting me up for a big disappointment in 15 years!
“Look Mommy, it’s Britney Spears!”
Fly around, beautiful fairy princess! because he is a little boy, after all.
eww This barbie’s Naked!!!!!
Woah mama!!
Hey mommy, why don’t all girls look like this?
Mommy, I found GI Jane!
Mommy I found my wife.
Mommy please put her clothes on shes blinding me.
Wow… it took FOREVER to get her clothes off!
.-= Sonya´s last blog ..Welcome to spring in beautiful Sunny California… =-.
There you go Barbie, up to the tree house I made for you!
“Look Mom, you thought you didn’t have to worry about naked girls until I was a teenager!”
.-= Sarah´s last blog ..Creative Inspiration from the FedEx Out of Office Blog =-.
I’d like to supersize this please!
Do girls really look like this without their clothes. Eeew!
this is what happens when a kid loses his toy airplane
“Is this what Mommy really looks like?”
Hey Barbie. Can you see Mr Fluffy up in that tree?
How come I have to wear clothes and she doesn’t?
“Hmmmmm….that doesn’t look like Mommy.”
I hope sis doesn’t find the pile of these I have buried in the yard!
Ha! Let this be a lesson sis for taking MY toys.
To Puberty…And BEYOND!
.-= Natalie´s last blog ..foto friday: funny baby face =-.
I’m going to get my naked G.I.Joe so I can show mommy what daddy and the new neighbor are doing!