Shameless

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I’ve long acknowledged that having children was the end of any sense of modesty for me. Shitting on the delivery table? Yup, that put the kabbash on that.

Writing a book, however, brought me to a whole new level.

I am now completely and utterly shameless. This, my friends, is how I now spend my days…

How I wish I were kidding.

In the last couple weeks, I’ve begun accosting innocent strangers who shall now associate Barnes and Noble with crazy ladies. I’ve made it a habit to visit at least one bookstore a day, so I can rearrange the store displays. I sneak in Sharpies to sign copies which I haven’t been asked to sign. I shove the book in people’s faces so they have no choice but to see it.

I’ve officially gone crazy.

So, please… just buy the book.

Don’t make me come and find you.

Confessions of a Scary Mommy Launch Party!

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303PortDiscovery_ScarryMommy125PortDiscovery_ScarryMommy 168PortDiscovery_ScarryMommy 222PortDiscovery_ScarryMommy 339PortDiscovery_ScarryMommy photo 089PortDiscovery_ScarryMommy
299PortDiscovery_ScarryMommy 321PortDiscovery_ScarryMommy Scary Mommy Cupcakes 101PortDiscovery_ScarryMommy 131PortDiscovery_ScarryMommy 152PortDiscovery_ScarryMommy

Huge thank you’s to Yogolaada, ZoeMaternity.com, Joe Squared, Charm City Cupcakes, Certifikid, Charm City Kid’s Club, TheBump, Naughty Betty and Breathe Books for their wonderful contributions to my Baltimore launch party at Port Discovery. All pictures courtesy of Evelyn Alas Photography.

 

Book Tour Failure

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I was so focused on not flashing my Spanx on the Today Show and all of the other events during the day, that I completely neglected to promote that I had a reading at Barnes and Noble at 7PM.

At all.

We arrived at 6:45 and the room was empty. Like, completely empty. Literally. When I peeked out at 6:55, there were exactly two people in the crowd. They were in their eighties, had no idea who I was and were obviously just looking for a quiet place to sit. See?

Way to go, Jill!

Fortunately, a few other people trickled in and I wasn’t stuck solely talking to grandparents not belonging to me. But reading to an enormous room filled with ten people was a pretty humbling experience, and not one I’d like to repeat. Ever. So, come see me when I’m in your town, ok?

I’ll be sure to tell you about it this time.

Today… on Today

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What a day!!! I’m writing this from the hotel where I have exactly one hour of downtime, but wanted to share some pictures and videos from Today…

First up, the clip from my interview with Ann Curry and Huffington Post’s Lisa Belkin.

Next up, my interview with Kathie Lee Gifford and Billy Ray Cyrus, who thinks that my name is cool. In return, I kind of called his daughter a slut. And then I pissed off Kathie Lee. Double whoops!

But, he did take a book home with him to share with his kids. My job is done.


And, no, my hair doesn’t always look like this. The folks at Ouidad not only threw me an amazing launch party, but they also did my hair. And have secured a place in my heart forever.

Just a day in the life of a mother of three, huh?

Confessions of a Scary Mommy: Pre-Ordering Pays

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Confession: I’ve never pre-ordered a book. Sadly, since I’ve had kids, I don’t read all that much and if I buy a book, it’s when I happen to be at a bookstore after at least five people have told me that I have to read that particular book. It then sits, unread, on my night table for months until I file it on a bookcase, never to pick it up again.

So, the fact that I am asking you to pre-order my book is rather unfair. I know. You could just as easily wait a month and deal with it then — what’s the point of ordering now? Well, funny you should ask! It’s how stores decide whether or not to carry it and it’s also how my publisher decides where to send me on my book tour (I’m hitting most of the East Coast, but would really like to get out west and to Texas. C’mon… I know you guys are reading!) Plus, it’s just ten bucks online and will be five dollars more in person and all pre-sales count towards the first week’s sales.

But, I know, it’s not all that convincing. Maybe this will help?

If you pre-order the book before March 31, you are eligible for a hand-signed, limited edition bookplate and bookmark. (If you’ve already ordered the book, you’re eligible, too!) Just fill out this doc and expect your bookplate/bookmark in approximately eight weeks.

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If you pre-order ten books for your book club (or group of friends or whatever) before March 31, you’ll get a Scary Mommy Book Club Pack. Included in the pack: 10 bookmarks, recipe cards for the Scary Mommy signature cocktail and dessert, 10 signed bookplates, 10 copies of the Scary Mommy Manifesto, 5 Scary Mommy cupcake toppers, and The Scary Mommy Confessions game. E-mail your receipt or screen shot of your order confirmation to confessionsofascarymommy@gmail.com

If you pre-order 30 books before March 31, you’ll receive a Scary Mommy Party Pack. Use the pack for a kick ass baby shower, birthday party or girls night out. The party basket includes: The Scary Mommy Confessions game, 30 Scary Mommy cupcake toppers, recipe cards for the Scary Mommy signature cocktail and dessert, a Scary Mommy onsie, 30 signed bookplates, a shopping list of everything else you’ll need for the party, and a CD containing a downloadable invitation, door sign, place-cards and more. It’s the party I want to throw every single weekend and I think you’ll love it. E-mail your receipt or screen shot of your order confirmation to confessionsofascarymommy@gmail.com

I think even I would pre-order a book under these circumstances. There’s really just no reason not to… right?