From the category archives:
We’ve had a few playdates lately that have left a little to be desired. By “a little bit to be desired,” I mean that I was unable to sit on my couch and be left alone, which is really all I ever want from a play date.
To prevent this from happening again, I’ve come up with a few rules for future playmates to agree to before coming over to play.
Kids, please recite the following:
Happy playing!
My husband’s Saturday morning ritual of making pancakes with the kids has been replaced recently by him going to work instead. This makes my “sleep-in” day vanish entirely. I never really got to sleep-in anyway, but there was hope. What’s life without hope?
This past Friday night as my husband reminded the kids that he won’t be here in the morning, I overheard my son complain, “But Mommy never plays with us. She’s always just on the computer.” Cue the mom-guilt. I promised that I’d play games with them after I finish my first cup of coffee in the morning. Despite nursing that first cup of coffee and hoping they’d forget, they showed up at my desk with arms full of board games. So we played. And I quickly remembered why I don’t play games with my kids…
1. The sore loser. Whether it’s really losing the game, or just having to go fish immediately after a sibling got a set of four, my kids are monumental sore losers. They cry, complain of unfairness, and spread misery with alarming generosity.
2. The Obnoxious Winner. Ha ha! I won. Oh yeah! Oh yeah! I won! Oh yeah! You lose! Ha ha…. This winner’s dance of gloating lasts until someone cries.
3. The Cheater. The kids lie, peak, steal, grab, stack decks and try whatever else is possible to give them an advantage and make the game suck more than it does naturally.
4. The Gang Up. My kids don’t understand that if some non-self-person is going to win, it does not matter which non-self-person that might be. Instead, they have some sort of ranking of which non-self person is the least/most objectionable winner. They band together, conspiring so that the most objectionable non-self person does not win. I am always the most objectionable non-self person.
5. The Never Ending Game. Chutes and Ladders*. ’nuff said.
6. The Back to Start Game. Any game where a roll of the dice or selection of a card results in a person going backwards towards the starting point inflames sore losery, inspires cheating, lends itself to attempted conspiracy, and then never ends.
7. The Mind Numbing Stupidity. Children’s games generally suck.
8. The Mess. Children’s games come with parts, pieces, cards, sticks, marbles, dice, timers, boards, and other small objects. These pieces are inevitably left all over the place and/or lost. A lost card from a game of Memory? Sucks. A lost piece from Sorry? Stepped on. Ouch!
9. Ending the Play. I remember reading once that children are like batteries in that you can “charge” them with some attentive play and then they’ll be more ready to play independently for some time, as they’re all filled up and satisfied with love and attention. This is either total bullshit, or my kids need to read that book too. There is no way to extract myself from playing with them that doesn’t end in anger/tears for all involved.
10. The Begging. If we do something fun with the kids once we are then stuck with them begging for it again for the rest of our lives. My kids beg for fairs, parades, skiing, swimming, roller skating, movies, sledding, ice cream, candy, gum, restaurants, late bedtimes, the beach, Christmas, birthday parties, friends’ houses, cookies, zoos, Grandma’s house, popcorn, plane rides, bus rides, train rides, etc, etc, etc all.the.time. If they’ve never done something, then they don’t know to beg for it.
*Snakes and Ladders to some of you. Because it’s completely normal for people climb ladders and slide down snakes. Totally makes sense. (?)
Watch out folks, Mama’s stepping out of the mini-van. That’s right, you’ll no longer find me schlepping all over town at ridiculous hours of the day. How did I pull off this ambitious feat without selling my three kids? I staged an extra-curricular crackdown! If you’re overwhelmed by your kids’ schedule, I urge you to join me.
#1. No more classes at inconvenient times. Nap time is sacred. I don’t care if the Queen Bee from Mommy and Me with the non-napping kid convinced the whole gang to register for a 1PM music class next quarter. Stay home and take advantage of the peace and quiet. This wisdom also applies to full-time working parents who’ve been suckered into evening classes. Sing some catchy songs during dinner and clap your hands a few times. You’ll skip the 6PM fiasco at the actual class.
#2. No more driving out of your way. If there’s a perfectly good soccer league in your park district, but you’re driving thirty-minutes during what should be a relaxing weekend morning to be with “everybody else,” ask yourself whether that’s a good use of your precious time. Whatever you decide about the best location for your family, remember this crucial nugget: in an extra-curricular crackdown, there’s . . .
#3. No more picking activities based on your friends. Who is this so-called “everybody” anyway? Your friendships will survive your independence. And let’s be honest, parents spend a good portion of the bleacher time on their Blackberries or chasing after the younger sibling(s) who got dragged along. Carve out quality time to see your friends. Sure, some people will disappear now that you watch ballet or swimming class through a different window, but those people weren’t your real friends in the first place.
#4. No more picking activities based on your kids’ friends. We have to stop projecting our social anxiety onto our kids. If choosing the time of day and location that works for you means your child won’t know a soul in the class, then to that I say: So what!? Kids’ friendships ebb and flow. Those little buggers are consistently fickle. Don’t let your family’s schedule be dictated by your child’s flavor of the day.
#5. No more secretly hoping you gave birth to the next superstar. We sacrifice our time, money, energy, and depleting resources of sanity so we can feel proud of our ourselves–I mean, our kids. Even if we’ve accepted that our child isn’t going to be the next pre-scandal Tiger Woods, we justify the over-programming by insisting we want our kids to have hobbies. I want my kids to have hobbies, too. But I hope they’ll come by some of those interests naturally. For free. And within walking distance of our house.
#6. Remember: money doesn’t grow on trees and neither do hockey skates. It’s good for kids to understand there are other people in the house (and, um–the world) with wants and needs. In fact, the astronomical cost of activities is reason enough to scale back right away. Why should it be that you don’t get out on Saturday nights or go on a vacation for fifteen years, but little Riley has sampled art, karate, gymnastics, and T-Ball in one semester? It’s not right. Take a stand.
So who’s with me? Let’s pull over our mini-vans, raise our hands in unity, and take back the day. And the night! And the weekend! Let the crackdown begin.
Huffpost Parents
