1. A Good Blog: Before you worry about taking over the world, you need to get the nuts and bolts of your blog figured out. Design, user friendliness, niche and content are the top things to consider. Your blog should be original and authentic– it’s the one place in the world that is all about YOU! {Some tips to improve your blog}

2. Commenting: When you first start blogging, there is simply no better way to build a readership. You have to put in your time and get out there– sometimes it’s fun and sometimes it’s not, but it’s an absolute must. Start with the blogrolls of blogs you like and then see who’s commenting there. The comments you leave are your calling cards, the more you scatter across blog-land, the more people will come back to visit you. {Read my tips for commenting}

3. Find your Tribe: Every blogger needs some good blogging buddies. These are the people who you can ask to tweet something for you or keep an eye on your blog while you’re away or comment on a post that isn’t getting any attention. Put each other on your blogrolls, subscribe to each other’s feeds and just be an over all support system. They’ll give you readers and you’ll give them readers. Everybody wins.

4. Guest Posting: Writing on someone else’s blog is a great way to expose yourself to a whole new audience. Ask your friends if they need a break, submit a post to a blogger you like or guest post right here. Your post should be one that you’ve never posted before and is representative of your blog. If it’s a good one, people will check your blog out and hopefully become your own readers.

5. Twitter: Twitter is a great tool to get people over to your blog, but nobody wants to follow someone who does nothing but promote themselves. Start a twitter account and build a following by engaging people. Promote yourself in one out of every ten or so tweets. More than that and you’ll turn people off. Title your posts well so that people are intrigued enough to click over. {Read my tips for Twitter}

6. Facebook: I worship Facebook. It consistently delivers me more traffic than any other single site. Why? Because  everyone is on it. Your high school BFF. Your former colleagues. Your mother. Your blog friends. There is no other way to easily access to all of those people at once. Incorporate Facebook on to your blog through “like” buttons and widgets. Once someone likes your post, it posts to their wall for all of their contacts to see- the reach is incomparable. {Read my tips for starting a Facebook fan page}

7. Contests: Many people look at contests for the pure traffic they provide, I look at them as a thank you to my readers. I never ask that people take more than one step to be entered, and I secure giveaways that I would want to win myself. Sure, the boost in traffic is nice, but I’m more concerned with getting people to become regular visitors.

8. Conferences/Meet-Ups: The more you get out there, (assuming you aren’t a total asshole,) the better your reputation will become. Pass out business cards, go up to strangers and get out of your comfort zone. This is your chance to make the avatars that live in your computer your friends, and to make strangers your readers. It doesn’t have to be a conference with thousands of people- meeting a few local bloggers for happy hour can be a start.

9. Accessibility: Answer emails, respond to comments with questions and don’t ignore twitter @’s. Be nice and be available. Gone are the days when I respond to every comment– there simply isn’t the time. I do, however, take the time to respond to every e-mail I receive or question that someone poses in my comments. It’s simply common courtesy.

10. Maintain your site: I’m constantly changing things around on my site– whether it’s the plug-ins I’m using or the layout or trying out a new type of post. I know that I get bored looking at the same thing everyday and figure other people do as well. Keep an eye on your comments- are people playing nice? If not, step in. It’s your blog and your job to keep it alive and growing.

{I’m presenting these tips and more next week at Bloggy Boot Camp in Philadelphia. Bloggy Boot Camp is a conference that tours the country so you don’t need to travel too far from home. Attendance is limited to 100 people and the cost is affordable- if you’re looking to ease your way into blogging conferences, this is the one to go to.}

The Scary Mommy Society is open for guest posts. Check it out!

©Scary Mommy™ 2010 All rights reserved.

You may not know it, but your blog could be detrimental to the health of your readers. Are they complaining of vision problems, dizziness or headaches? Depression or rapid heartbeat? Homicidal feelings? I’m afraid that your blog could be the cause. It’s vital that you read this scientific list of blog related illnesses and take some action, today.

Auto-music linked to headaches/shock/rage: Is having music on your blog really worth the risk of giving your readers a heart attack? For the weak of heart, it could be deadly to have music suddenly pump out of a silent computer. Unlikely? Maybe, but possible nonetheless. Auto-music has also been linked to headaches and feelings of uncontrollable rage.

Horrible grammar/spelling linked to anger and frustration: Reading a blog filled with spelling and grammatical errors is just plain infuriating. Proofread and proofread again and you will have happier, less frustrated readers.

Animated gifs/jam packed sidebars linked to dizziness: You know that feeling of stepping into an insanely loud and crazy club when all you want is to be laying on the beach? Let your blog be that beach. A nice and simple layout will make your readers feel relaxed and tranquil rather than dizzy and borderline homicidal.

Never ending paragraphs linked to exhaustion/boredom: Separate your thoughts into paragraphs to avoid putting your readers to sleep or boring them to tears. The return button is there for a reason… use it!

Small type/dark background linked to vision problems: Do you want your readers to need glasses because they read your blog? Do you want them suffering from crows feet and eye twitches? Use a font large enough to be read without squinting on a light, legible background and their eyes will thank you.

Word verification linked to depression: Let’s say your reader is having a bad day. She tries to comment on a post and can’t make out the nearly-impossible to read words. Or, she attempts the math problem and gets it wrong. It’s just too much for someone teetering on the edge. Get rid of word verification, boost your reader’s self esteem and maybe even save a life!

See? With a few easy steps, you can alleviate your reader’s symptoms and improve your blog. Better blog = Better health, it’s a win-win for everyone!

You’re welcome.

{For more totally obnoxious blog tips, see How Not to Comment and A guide to getting unfollowed on Twitter.}

The Scary Mommy Society is open for guest posts. Check it out!

©Scary Mommy™ 2010 All rights reserved.

BlogHer is less than two months away. How the hell did that happen? The notion of losing 20 pounds by the event is becoming increasingly more impossible by the day. Again, how the hell did that happen?

I was going to hold off on writing my BlogHer pre-post, but seeing as the blogosphere is already all abuzz, I’m going to jump on the train. Here are the things I wish I’d known last year, as a first time conference goer:

• Not everyone will know you. Not even close. I thought that I’d know, maybe, half of the attendees. Ha! Mommy Bloggers make up a tiny fraction of the event. There are political bloggers, green bloggers, fashion bloggers and just about every other niche you can think of. It’s a freaking zoo. Be prepared.

• Have a buddy. Make sure to have phone numbers, e-mail addresses and ways to get in touch with people. It sucks to be standing in a room of strangers who have zero interest in talking to you. Especially on the first day.

• You’re not going for the sessions. Sure, that’s what you’re paying for, but that’s not really why you’re going. Pick some that interest you and skip the rest. Don’t feel guilty for sleeping in or grabbing a drink at the bar instead. Those will be far more memorable than listening to every lecture.

• RSVP for every party. At least the ones that interest you. Most already have waiting lists, but spots do open up. If your name isn’t on the list, you’re not getting in. And that sucks. {Here are the links}

• Don’t feel left out for not getting private party invitation. There are a million private parties over the weekend and you’ll make yourself crazy if you stress over the fact that you weren’t invited. It’s not fair and it doesn’t make sense. (Much easier said than done.) Plus, even if you never attend a party at all, you will keep plenty busy. Chatting in the lobby and the expo hall alone could take a whole day.

• Bring comfy shoes. Sure, start out wearing your cutest heels, but by two in the morning you’ll end up barefoot or in flip-flops. Flip-flops are a far better option for gross city streets.

• Find the Geek Lab. Where else can you get friendly tech advice from some of the smartest women out there? Nowhere! The two hours I spent getting my broken blog fixed was well worth the price of conference admission.

• Make a point to meet the people you care about. It really is a whirlwind and you can easily be feet away from people you know and not meet them. Ask around and stalk the people you want to meet!

• Identify yourself! People probably won’t recognize your face, but they’ll know your logo or Twitter icon. Stick a business card (yes, you need those) in your conference pass so people are more likely to recognize you.

• Remember, BlogHer is like life. There will be people you’ll love and people you can’t stand. People will disappoint you and people will impress you. People are either exactly what you expect, or the total opposite. In a good and a bad way.

• Have Fun! This is probably the rare weekend where you aren’t planning meals for anyone else, dressing them or wiping asses other than your own. Enjoy it! It’ll be over too quickly and you’ll be back to the daily grind. Planning for next year’s conference.

The Scary Mommy Society is open for guest posts. Check it out!

©Scary Mommy™ 2010 All rights reserved.

So, you want some social media icons on your blog?

You know those cute little icons that lead you to someone’s Twitter or Facebook account or allow you to subscribe via RSS? I’m kind of obsessed with them and swap them out way too frequently. They’re fun, and oh, so cute! I get asked how to do it quite often, so here you go…

The first step is to find images that you like. You’ll then need to upload them to a photo storing site like Flickr or to your blogs media library. Grab the url in the size you want it to appear on your blog (usually around 100 pixels.) Once you do that, you’re ready to code! Simply plug-in your image url as well as your destination (Twitter, Facebook, Flickr etc.) and title. This is the code you need to work with: (what you need to swap out is in red.)

<a href=“DESTINATION URL”><img alt=“IMAGE TITLE” src=“IMAGE URL” /></a>

Once you have your your code, you just add it to a widget for it to appear on your sidebar. Easy, right? Use the same formula for all of your social media applications. To add your RSS feed, go to Feedburner (or whatever site you use) to get the url. (Mine is http://feeds.feedburner.com/scarymommy.)

Here are some of my favorite icon sets (just click to be brought to the download page,) but you can just Google “Social Media Buttons,” and you’ll get a million options. I’m warning you, it’s totally addictive. Don’t hate me.

The Scary Mommy Society is open for guest posts. Check it out!

©Scary Mommy™ 2010 All rights reserved.

My two year blogging anniversary is today. Blog years are like dog years— two must be at least six or seven, right? Because it seems like forever.

When I started out, I had no idea where I wanted blogging to lead, other than that I wanted a modern sort of baby book for my kids. I wish someone had given me a few tips, because I didn’t know a thing. Here is what I wish I had known, way back then…

1. Buy your domain. For the cost of a sandwich, you can own your very own dot com. It’s so worth it.

2. Know your worth. I had no idea that bloggers could get stuff… For free! I cringe when I look at the the things I sold out for in the early days. Is some soap worth writing a whole review for? Maybe, but if it’s not, you don’t need to do it. You can say no.

3. Never promote something you wouldn’t recommend to a friend. Hyping up a movie for weeks before seeing it is not the smartest thing. And, if all you can talk about upon finally viewing it is possibly giving the star lice? It won’t be so easy to get paid. Plus, you’ll feel like an idiot.

4. Bloggers aren’t weird old men living in basements. (For the most part.) They’re people just like you looking to connect with people like them. And they can become amazing friends.

5. But, mean people do hide behind computers. Toughen up and be prepared for people to call you a bad mother, poor writer and questionable person. And, you have every right to delete those comments.

6. If you’re serious about blogging, start on WordPress. Blogger is totally fine (and free! and easy!) if you’re just in it for a scrapbook of sorts, but if you want traffic and money and opportunities, WordPress is a better option. Once you start on a platform, it’s not so easy to move. Plan ahead.

7. Begin your blog name with an A. Everything is blog-world is alphabetized and those names that are lucky enough to start with an A, B or C get the most exposure on every list. Starting with an S? Kind of sucks.

8. Every blogger feels jealousy. So and so gets this or that and you don’t. It’s a crappy feeling, but we all get it.

9. Remember why you started. For fun, right? If it becomes stressful or overwhelming, step back and reevaluate. You are allowed to do that. It’s YOURS!

10. Should you stick with blogging for a whole year (which makes you a total veteran,) read this post on what to expect on your first anniversary from Ann’s Rants. Who was smart enough to start her blog with an A.

The Scary Mommy Society is open for guest posts. Check it out!

©Scary Mommy™ 2010 All rights reserved.

Do you have a Facebook fan page?

I do, I do! It took me way too long to build, but now that it’s up and running, I’m so glad that I took the time to put it together.

What’s so great about it, you ask? First of all, when people fan your page, it shows up in their updates. Their friends are then introduced to your page, giving you the opportunity to make them blog readers. There are no annoying friends requests to approve, and the growth seems to happen organically.

You’ll need to decide if you want to create a separate Facebook blogging account, so that your fan page can be linked to that one, rather than your personal page. I went this route and am happy that I did– you can still suggest all of your friends become your fans, but you won’t be bombarding RL people with bloggy stuff. Plus, if you want to keep your name private, this is a good way to do it. Otherwise, just link the page to your existing account. When you’re ready, create your fan page by clicking here.

Once your page is created, jazz it up by adding sidebar elements such as buttons, a blog roll or favorite posts. The options are pretty endless. You can also personalize your landing page. Play around with Facebook’s applications (found under Edit your page) to make your page as unique as your blog.

Once your page is set up, make it easy to find by adding a “like” box right on your page. You can also add a “like” button to each post and even allow people to comment with their Facebook profile right on your page. All of those options can be found here.

Let me know if you have a page, too!

The Scary Mommy Society is open for guest posts. Check it out!

©Scary Mommy™ 2010 All rights reserved.

I love comments. I crave comments. The little ding my e-mail makes when I have a new one has me dashing to the computer to see who said what. It’s flattering to have people react to the words you’ve written or parts of you that you share. Any blogger who claims not to care about comments is lying. Comments are what make a blog a blog, rather than just a diary.

Through comments, I’ve learned valuable sleeping tips and tonsillectomy recovery ideas and potty training tricks. I’ve learned where to buy things I couldn’t find myself and how to make the perfect ballerina bun. I’ve laughed really hard, and often thought that someones spur of the moment comment far rivaled my well planned out post.

Commenting is also a great way to gain readers– when you say something witty and entertaining on someone else’s blog, chances are people will want to follow you to your blog. But there are also some comments that ensure that they (or at least, I) won’t. And I seem to be getting quite a few lately. So, I present you with the top commenters I’d rather be without:

1. The Cut & Pasters: The most irritating commenter is the one who leaves a million comments such as “great post!” or “love it here!” clearly without having ever read a single word. It’s as if they’re trying to gain credit by hitting as many blogs as possible, except nobody is keeping score but them. While there are times when a simple word says it all, it’s obvious when the commenter has actually read the post or not. And that’s kind of the point.

2. The Shameless Pluggers: If you have something relevant to link, go ahead, but just posting “I have a great giveaway, be sure to visit!” pisses the hell out of me. Maybe add it at the end of a relevant comment. Maybe, but at least make an effort to say something else first. And what about the people who insist on leaving their url everywhere they visit? If your comment is worth following, I’ll click on your avatar and be brought to your blog. Typing it out won’t help you gain any readers.

3. The Inappropriate Commenters: Comments should be relevant to the post they accompany. This isn’t my Facebook wall, so don’t use the comment space for random thoughts or messages. See that mailbox icon above? Use that to e-mail me. Please.

4. The Spammers: It’s bad enough that my inbox is filled with girls from Russia who want to marry me and illegal drug suggestions, but my blog gets inundated too? That’s not cool. {The Akismet plug-in kills 99% of these, but before I installed it I was getting 100 or so a day.}

5. The Anonymous Pricks: Some of my favorite comments ever have had opposing views to mine. Well, that’s not true– my favorite tell me how witty and pretty I am, but I do very much appreciate when someone takes the time to present me with a differing point of view. But, only if that person has the balls to use their name. Otherwise, they’re just asking to be deleted. And I’m not afraid to do that.

6. The Un-Reachables: When I was on Blogger, nothing drove me crazier than someone asking me a question in a comment and finding “no-reply-comment@blogger. com” as the return address. Then, I am forced to respond to the question on their blog which isn’t appropriate or not respond at all which is even ruder. And fake e-mail addresses? Oy. Get a life.

7. The Paybackers: The “thanks for visiting my blog today” folks are not only rude, but insulting. While it is much appreciated when a blogger pays you a return visit, by simply thanking you for visiting them, they are making your little corner of the web about their blog. Same with “visiting from xyz!” You can’t find anything else to say along with that? Then don’t.

Did I miss any of your pet peeves? What drives you crazy? Or are you all too afraid to comment?

The Scary Mommy Society is open for guest posts. Check it out!

©Scary Mommy™ 2010 All rights reserved.

Twitter is hot.  If the internet were high school, Twitter would totally be the knock-out cheerleading prom queen. You can’t turn on the news without hearing requests to Twitter the station your thoughts. Stores offer Twitter only discount codes. There’s the CNN/Kutcher race to gain a million followers. There’s Hugh Jackman’s promise to donate 100k to one individual’s favorite non profit, provided the person convinces him of their worthiness in one tweet. There are over 8 million people twittering. Even my husband is contemplating creating an account, and he’s always the last on board.

It’s an interesting place, Twitterville. I was hesitant to join— it’s hard enough to find decent subject matter to write on my blog, never mind interesting 140 character updates. But I succumbed, and I can see why people like it. It’s a fantastic networking tool. It’s a great place to get instant opinions on any number of topics, and to spew out fleeting thoughts. I have a tendency to keep e-mail correspondences going for way too long, always wanting to have the final word even if it’s just an emoticon. With Twitter, I don’t feel the need to respond to everything and I don’t get offended when people don’t respond to me. It’s fast moving and fluid and a great way to meet new people. And one of the greatest things is the ability to unfollow those new people in an instant if they piss you off.

Last night, I received an aggressive e-mail from someone I recently unfollowed inquiring as to the reasons I unfollowed her. The fact that she bombarded me with that question solidified my decision, but for her (and you,) here goes… The people I’m sure to unfollow:

1. The Twitter Addicts: You know, the ones who post a constant stream of tweets, every minute or two throughout the day. The people whose icons totally monopolize my screen and prevent me from seeing anyone else. What do these people do? Do they have jobs? Lives? Apparently Jennifer Aniston dumped John Mayer for being addicted to Twitter and I can see why. It’s annoying as hell.

2. The Auto Message Senders: Please don’t thank me for my follow and tell me how much you look forward to getting to know me. It’s a surefire way to guarantee that you won’t because I unfollowed you the minute I got the message. Tweet me or send me a personalized message or just ignore me. Please.

3. The Sketch Balls: Folks who follow thousands and have no updates or followers themselves, but want access to the inner workings of my head? No thank you, they get blocked from my updates.

4. The Pimps: People who do nothing but promote their own cause. Sure, I post links to my blog when I have a new post, and I’m fine when other people do the same. But people who do nothing but pimp themselves? I don’t want to see that.

5. The Lazy Bones: If you haven’t updated in six months, I’ll probably unfollow you. Nothing personal, but what’s the point?

6. Annoying Famous People: Celebrities who send public kisses to each other all day long. As fascinating as I find celebs, I prefer to read about them in US Weekly. On Twitter, they are a bit too much like “us” and I find it irritating rather than endearing.

7. The “Follow you, Follow me” folks: Have you ever been followed by someone only to follow them back to be unfollowed? How rude is that? Two can play that game, so consider yourself dumped.

8. Social Media Experts: What qualifications do these people have? I have a blog, a Facebook account etc. Maybe I should start calling myself an expert? Would you all buy that? Exactly.

9. The Overshare-ers: Twitter is innately narcissistic. Are any of us really as interesting as we think we are? Probably not. But do you really think that people want to know about the zit on your forehead or the dump you just took? Maybe they do, but I don’t.

10. The Sunshine Spreaders: Maybe I’m too jaded, but having messages constantly pop up that tell me to smile and love life make me want to punch the computer screen. Perhaps that’s my problem though.

11. The Bible Quoters: You love Jesus. You know Bible passages. A lot of people do, but is Twitter really the place to profess that? All day long? Not for me.

12. The Number Seekers: “I need 876 followers to reach 1,000!! Please re-tweet!!!” And… what’s the point of doing this for you? Tweet something of substance and your numbers will grow. Keep doing this and they won’t. Or at least they shouldn’t.

13. The Contest Whores: Bloggers often offer an extra entry for their contest for tweeting it. There are many people who do nothing but tweet about contests, all day long. I believe these people should disqualify from  that extra entry because they rarely have followers and the whole point is to gain visibility. And also they’re really irritating. A new laptop might be worth entering, but a box of two dollar breakfast bars? Not so much.

I might be willing to let you slide if you only possess one of the above, especially if you offer me some value mixed in (or if you’re hot, Ashton.) But, two or more and you’re history. And I won’t miss you one bit. And thank you, annoying woman for inspiring a blog post– I was stumped on what to write about today. Now I’ll go and Twitter about it. And you won’t even know, because I blocked you. So there.

The Scary Mommy Society is open for guest posts. Check it out!

©Scary Mommy™ 2010 All rights reserved.