Scary Mommy: An honest look at motherhood » Boys Will be Boys

Character Shirts & Toy Guns

Scary Mommy — Mon, 07 Jun 2010 17:55:47 +0000

Two of the things I said I’d never, ever let my children have. That’s what I get for schlepping my boys to Target.

Even the toddler bikinis looked cute to me this morning. I barely know myself anymore.

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Caption this Picture

Scary Mommy — Wed, 02 Jun 2010 12:59:52 +0000

I love Pull-Ups, do you love them too? To celebrate their partnership with Disney, Pull-Ups has offered me two Pull-Ups gift packs for my US readers. What’s in them? A $50 AMEX gift card, Toy Story 2 DVD and Princess and the Frog DVD, Potty Training Success DVD and 2 coupons for free Pull-Ups. Pretty cool, huh? Just give me your best caption for the above photo for a chance to win. I’ll pick two winners this Friday, June 4th at midnight.

Updated: And… the winners are: Libby with ““How much for zee Voman?” and JenH with “Yup, I’m an ass man.” Thanks for making me laugh, ladies! And, congrats!

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Two year old for sale, priced to sell

Scary Mommy — Thu, 22 Apr 2010 12:50:00 +0000

Almost a year ago, I wrote a post that I called “The Terrible Threes.” My opening words were something like “Are parenting experts actually… parents? Being one myself, I have a serious bone to pick with them: The “terrible twos” are crap…” I went on and on to talk about what a joy the twos were and how hellish the threes turned out to be. Blah, blah, blah. Well, today, I’m rescinding my words. I was sorely mistaken.

My dearest third child is approaching two and a half, and the last thing I would describe him as is “adorable, chocolate covered sweetness.” Yes, he is adorable, and sweet. Dangerously so. But he is also the biggest pain in the ass in the universe.

When he eats, he doesn’t gently push aside his plate when he is satiated, he throws it on the floor and laughs about the mess. He haphazardly grabs whatever snack he wants and leaves chaos in his wake. He removes his diaper in upscale stores and abandons it on the floor. Bath time is more like a flood and he sky dives off of any high surface he can find. He instigates fights with his siblings and bursts out in laughter when I reprimand him. He is a walking disaster and every misbehavior is followed by a smile that makes it impossible to stay angry at him.

The latest battle is bedtime. We ditched his crib when we moved, thinking he was ready for a big boy bed. {Big mistake}. I got into the bad habit of laying down with him and singing his lullabies, since we also got rid of the glider. Apparently to a two year old, that means that we will shall now be roommates. The first few days, it was endearing when he held my face and demanded that I lay down with him. Now? Not so cute. He storms out of his room when he gets lonely. He screams in my face when I don’t escort him back upstairs and stay with him. When I do fall asleep with him, the moment I wake up and attempt to move to my bed, he is awake and alert. Short of handcuffing him to the bed, I’m not sure what else I can do.

So, how does this work? If two is terrible, surely three is a breeze, right? RIGHT?

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Boys, Rain Boots & Mud

Scary Mommy — Wed, 31 Mar 2010 09:56:07 +0000

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The curse of a thousand faces

Scary Mommy — Sun, 14 Mar 2010 13:09:01 +0000

I have always been told that I have an incredibly expressive face. Hard as I try, I am simply unable to mask my true emotions. Never have been and probably never will. I really wanted to look excited about that third crystal picture frame from my wedding shower or the mystery meat my neighbor brought me our first night home from the hospital. Really, I tried.

If those jeans make your butt look big, I’m afraid I’m not the person to ask if you want convincing otherwise. I may say you look fabulous, but my face gives me away every single time. I just can’t help it. My husband knows the minute he sees my eyes whether not not he’s hit a home run with whatever gift he may be presenting me with. Unfortunately, it’s usually a foul ball and there’s no doubt about it. It’s a curse.

And I think it runs in the family.

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A Reptile Birthday Party

Scary Mommy — Sun, 28 Feb 2010 12:29:18 +0000

Why would a non-reptile loving person allow an assortment of lizards, turtles and snakes into her house on a Saturday afternoon?

To see this, of course!

I would do just about anything to make that little face smile.

Happy fourth birthday, my love. I hope this is your best year yet!

{If you live in the PA/MD area, I can’t recommend Critter Caravans highly enough. If you can handle it, that is.}

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Big Brother & Little Brother

Scary Mommy — Tue, 23 Feb 2010 11:57:40 +0000

Last night, I walked in on Ben and Evan coloring all over themselves with markers. {Again}

Benjamin, I scolded, you are the big brother. You are the one who needs to help teach Evan what’s right and what’s wrong. This is wrong. Don’t you understand that?

I know, mommy, he answered. That’s what I was doing: Teaching Evan what’s wrong.

Terrific.

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What you talkin bout, Willis?

Scary Mommy — Sat, 19 Sep 2009 01:26:57 +0000

{Evan’s new response to the word “no.” Oh, boy.}

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