Scary Mommy On The Bethenny Show


Last week I went to New York to promote the book and shoot a short segment for the Bethenny show, which was perfect because I really needed a good night’s sleep away from my snoring husband and really, really needed a good haircut (Thank you, Ouidad!)


I sat on a panel with reality TV stars Tia Mowry and  Jenni Pulos to discuss “mommy issues of the day.” Please note Bethenny’s face below while listening to me babble about Lily critiquing my naked body.


(She did tell me I smelled good, so that’s something.)

And then Jenni Pulos started rapping about poop. And I wasn’t sure how I was supposed to respond since everyone else was bee-bopping and dancing in their seats, so I just sort of sat there like, is she really rapping about poop or am I imagining it? Proof that I wasn’t imagining it…        

And then I ran into Real Housewives of New Jersey star Kathy Wakile, and I informed her that she was really short in real life, which I’m sure she loves hearing. She also looks really young and I told her that, so maybe I made up for it?

photo 2

I spent the train ride home ripping off the eyelash extensions that were applied in single strands, so if you didn’t know better, it would have looked as if I were ripping out actual eyelashes. Which is probably why the two people next to me got up and moved. At least I smelled good, folks!

So, that was my 24 hour trip to New York last week. And also why I really shouldn’t be allowed to leave the house.

The Launch of Motherhood Comes Naturally


What a week it’s been! God, I love book releases! Motherhood Comes Naturally came out this week…


A huge thank you to Haley Fox, owner of Alice’s Tea Cup, who hosted most beautiful NYC launch tea for me. If you live in NYC, I’m sure you’re familiar with Haley’s adorable restaurants. If you aren’t, get your ass there immediately. They are just the sweetest spots for lunch with the girls, an afternoon snack or the best birthday party ever. And the scones? Made this non-scone liking person a scone lover. They are to die for.

Everyone took home a goody bag filled with not only the new book, but my first book as well (thanks Simon and Schuster!) Also in the goody bag: Awesome treats and a coupon from Sunshine Sam, a spin class from Soul Cycle and frames I love from Butch and Harold. Lucky party goers!



Diana Berrent Photography was kind enough to not only come out and photograph the event, but also to remind me to stop slouching and stand up straight a hundred times. Now that’s a good photographer. If you live in the NY area, Diana is a truly gifted portrait photographer. Check her out! 


A few days later, back in Baltimore, my wonderful friends at Charm City Kids Club opened up on their day off to host a launch party for me. So awesome of them! Quaker provided breakfast for us…


Lisa and Mikal from the band Milkshake rocked the little crowd…


… and I signed books for their moms.





An enormous thank you to Meg Smith for capturing these beautiful photos. Meg was a joy to work with as well, and I so appreciate her time and energy.


And now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go take a nap!

Motherhood Comes Naturally Pub Day!


Someday, I will get through every tweet and every message and every text and every Facebook post and every missed call and thank you each of you personally for your support. But because I can barely keep my eyes open, it won’t be tonight. Until then, an enormous mass thank you to every person who bought the book, spread the word, shared my excitement and supported me today. From the bottom of my heart, thank you. 

In case you missed them, here are the Today Show clips. The first one is from the eight o’clock hour where I took questions from Today fans who seemed to think I was some sort of parenting expert. Um… sorry folks!


And then the ten o’clock hour where Kathie Lee once again proved to be a huge Scary Mommy fan

She can barely contain her excitement. Also? I’m pretty sure she was wasted.

Jill Smokler
I did find Matt in the green room and demand that he take a picture with me. He looks a tad frightened as well.

Matt on Today

Maybe it was the random sketchy guy behind me my bodyguard who scared them.

jill smokler TV

(Best freeze frame ever.)

But, really, it was a blast. Thanks again for the good wishes and for tuning in!

Vicious Lies

What were you told about being a mom before you were a member of the club?

That the love you’d feel for your children would be unlike anything you’ve ever experienced before? That you’d lay down your life for your child without thinking twice? That your existence would never again be the same? I was told all of those, and they’ve proven to be true. Time and time again.

But, then there are the things I was told that have proven less than accurate… things like parenting strengthens a marriage, and that it gets easier with time, and that absurd notion that having kids keeps you young. Once upon a time, I believed these statements. I wondered what was wrong with me, and why I couldn’t relate. Well, a few kids later and I finally figured it out: they’re all lies! Vicious lies.

That’s what my latest book, Motherhood Comes Naturally (And Other Vicious Lies), is all about: The lies we were told about the best and hardest job and the lies some of us continue to tell new mothers, like some sick hazing ritual. Lies like these…




Can you relate? I hope you can. The book comes out in three weeks. Now, you could easily wait until it’s at your local bookstore and pick up a copy then, but ordering it now really makes more sense. Why?

Well, first of all, it’s how my publisher gauges success and decides if they send me on more tour stops or not. Secondly, it helps assuage my fear of “OMG, nobody is going to buy the book, I should just quit now and never get out of bed,” which has become pretty severe of late. And, thirdly, because you would be eligible for the awesomest giveaway I’ve ever hosted. What’s that you say?

To help drum up some pre-sales, I’m giving away five packs stuffed to the gills with my favorite things from companies like Kelly Moore, Ouidad, Lucky Jeans and AT&T. Each is valued at well over $1000 and insanely fabulous. I can’t imagine not wanting one. Click here for all the details. And then go buy the book!

Motherhood Comes Naturally (And Other Vicious Lies) Trailer

A crazy enormous thank you to Alisha Merrick from Alisha found Eden for helping me pull this together in record time. I discovered this band last week and it was love at first site. Check out their music and their parodies, and I’m pretty sure you’ll fall in love, too. Find (and please like/follow!) Alisha and Eden on FacebookYouTube and Twitter. Huge thank you, too, to Ben Wagley for the effects and video help!

The Motherhood Comes Naturally $5000 Giveaway CLOSED

The Pre-Order Giveaway is now closed!

Thank you so much for entering and huge congratulations to: Karen R, Rachel A, Elizabeth T, Katy B and Rae T. (Winners have been notified via e-mail) For those of you who didn’t win, (I’m sorry, I hate that!!!) please consider the book your consolation prize. I really, really hope you enjoy it!


I’m thrilled to have you buy Motherhood Comes Naturally (And Other Vicious Lies) anytime, but as a little incentive to be one of the first people to own it, I’ve put together what I think is a pretty kick ass prize package. Actually, five of them.

Here’s how it works:

• Pre-order Motherhood Comes Naturally (And Other Vicious Lies) from one of the following places: Barnes & Noble • Amazon •  Indie Bound • Books-A-Million • Powell’s Books • iTunes  (if you already pre-ordered it, that’s fine!)

• Forward your receipt or screen shot of the order confirmation to

•  You will then be entered to win one of five prize packs worth over $1000 each, containing the items below.

•  Winners will be picked randomly using on April 9th (day of the book launch) and announced here and by e-mail. One entry per purchase, so buy them for your girlfriends! Your book club! Your teenage cousin!

• Contest open to anyone, anywhere, no matter the shipping costs. (Yes, I may regret that later.) And e-book sales count as well.


Here’s what you’ll be entering to win…

Kelly Moore Bag

Kelly Moore Bags



Kelly Moore Bags have long been a favorite of mine. Meant for use as a professional camera bag, with plenty of compartments and padding, they work just as well as diaper bags or just all-around fabulous arm candy. Each winner will get one 2 Sues bag, featured here, which sells for $199.



Rarely a day goes by that I don’t sing the praises of Ouidad. The line, specifically designed for curly hair, completely changed my hair life and I’ve been head over heels in love with it for the last ten years.The line continues to expand, most recently with the Salon Series, included here. The four items inspired by services practiced at the renowned Ouidad Salon in New York City, have a retail value of $172, and are appropriate for any hair type.

Handbag Handcuff

Ever had your purse in the front seat of your car, slam on the breaks and have the contents spill all over the floor? Or be shopping with a heavy bag weighing your arm down with nowhere to put it? Me too, which is why I love Handbag Handcuff ($42) Use it to attach your (Kelly Moore!) bag to anything you can think of.


I’m pretty sure you’ve got wrinkles. If you don’t, you’ve got stretch marks. If you haven’t got either, please take a hike because I hate you. Anyway. StriVectin is the skin care line adored by the rich and famous and touted for it’s almost magical powers to erase lines and stretch marks. Included here is their original SD Intensive Concentrate ($72) made to make every mom a little less scary.


The Pantech® Flex™ is Android’s latest smartphone, designed to bring you the features you want from a smartphone —like text messaging, email, Web browsing, and voice-guided navigation—without lots of extra junk. Easier to see, use, and type on, the Pantech Flex also comes equipped with an 8-megapixel camera for taking high-quality photos and video on the go. Retail value: $500.


I’m a big fan of yoga pants, too, but sometimes, a girl needs to peel them off and put on some real clothes. You know, like jeans. Find the most flattering pair at Lucky Jeans, where you’ll have a professional sizing and go home with the jeans that work best for your body. Plus-sized, skinny, boot cut, flare… Lucky’s got it all. (If you can’t make it to a store, you can order on-line) Retail cost: $100-120.

Books by bloggers

I’m not the only one with a new book out this spring, and find myself in the company of some great friends. You should absolutely buy (or pre-order) these books right now, but five of you will receive copies of the following hilarity:

• Moms Who Drink and Swear: True Tales of Loving My Kids While Losing My Mind by my friend Nicole Knepper.

• The Guide to Baby Sleep Positions: Survival Tips for Co-Sleeping Parents by the uber talented team of Charlie Capen and Andy Herald.

• Lost in Suburbia: A Momoir by the wonderful Tracy Beckerman. (Who I’ll be speaking with in New Jersey!)

• I Just Want to Pee Alone by a huge group of mom bloggers, including some I’ve been lucky enough to publish here; Jen, Kim, Rebecca, Brenna, Nicole, Jessica, JD, Alicia, Kelly, Kerry, Robyn, Karen, and Anna.

• And Parenting: Illustrated with Crappy Pictures by the hilarious and truthful Amber Dusick.


Finally, of course, autographed copies of both Confessions of a Scary Mommy and Motherhood Comes Naturally (And Other Vicious Lies.) Give the one you pre-ordered to a friend in need of some brutal honesty and keep the personalized copies for you! Also included is a Scary Mommy coffee mug (and Starbucks gift card to fill it.)

Worth pre-ordering the book for? I certainly think so. So… go! And good luck – I can’t wait to see who the proud owners of my favorite things will be!