If you’ve ever been cheated on, grab some popcorn and settle in with Nicole Cliffe’s latest Twitter thread
Everyone has a cheating story. Maybe you were the one who was cheated on, the one who got caught, or you just have some excellent tea on someone you know — in which case, this is the Twitter thread for you.
Writer Nicole Cliffe is basically the queen of crowdsourcing for good material on Twitter. Whether she’s scouring advice columns for the wackiest mother-in-law stories or deservedly shaming men with idiotic opinions on epidurals, she’s the go-to gal for juicy threads.
It all began with Cliffe live-tweeting The Edge — an old Alec Baldwin and Elle MacPherson film surrounding a salacious affair. Soon, people were chiming in with their own stories about being unfaithful, so Cliffe decided to start a thread.
Stories quickly began pouring in, and I’ve gotta say — some of them are more engrossing than a Danielle Steel novel.
Well, now I want to know how the various cheaters in your life/a loved one’s life have gotten caught. https://t.co/G34rkIMLSX
— Nicole Cliffe (@Nicole_Cliffe) March 21, 2018
I’m not going to lie to you, dear readers — I spent the better part of an hour reading through these responses.
Holy. Shit. Could you imagine just cruising through the paper, and there’s the GIANT wedding announcement featuring the person you’ve been dating and sleeping with? Just wait though, this is just the tip of the Infidelity Iceberg.
My unemployed ex-uncle convinced my breadwinning aunt to buy a house to flip (to help launch his "real estate career"), but didn't want her to see it until it was done. She went to check on the house & he had a whole other woman living there.— Ashley C. Ford (@iSmashFizzle) March 21, 2018
So my brother was in the process of breaking up with his girlfriend. She left her computer unlocked & he decided to check it to see about some of his suspicions.— Ijeoma Oluo (@IjeomaOluo) March 21, 2018
Found out she was cheating - with MY boyfriend
Many responses in this thread did a great job highlighting just how fucking stupid men are. It’s bad enough being a cheater, but being incredibly dumb about it too? Salt in the wound.
Oh! And my dad got caught by his girlfriend the front desk lady at my school when I was little because he put his other girlfriend in as someone who could pick me up— a lying poet (@DamianneTweets) March 21, 2018
I took some of my dad's blazers off to boarding school with me because he doesn't dress up that often and I'd be on stage a lot. My roommate was about to iron one for me and polaroids of a woman in lingerie fell out of the pocket.— Crystal Methanny (@RafiDAngelo) March 21, 2018
That Thanksgiving was super fun.
Because family holidays aren’t painful enough. Ugh, so much cringe.
Diary entry left open on his bedside table began with "I think she's starting to suspect it's not over with Sasha."— Bess Kalb (@bessbell) March 21, 2018
OK, that fucker wanted to get caught. Tip: please don’t “dear diary” your cheating escapades. Ever. (Also…don’t cheat I guess.)
i know a woman who's father was dating two women at the time of her wedding who didn't know about each other, and he ended up inviting both of them to the wedding, thinking he could keep them separated like alex p. keaton did when he brought two girls to the prom— Josh Fruhlinger (@jfruh) March 21, 2018
I wish I had, like, 1/4 the amount of ballsy balls it would take to do something like that with full confidence (and narcissism).
using his computer, stumbled upon a folder full of roughly 5000 photos of the same long pink object, very confused at first because I thought they were rocket ships— Kat Rosenfield (@katrosenfield) March 21, 2018
THEY WERE NOT ROCKET SHIPS
(they were dicks)
I came home early from work because I was sick. when he got home from work I was in bed, he didn't notice that I was there and kept talking on his phone about what they did and how i did not suspect anything— Milli (@eastofseventh) March 21, 2018
That is uncomfortably close to the Colin Firth plotline in Love Actually.
Boyfriend gave me the Costco receipt in case I wanted to return the car steering wheel lock he gave me for Xmas, and there was also a charge for jewelry on it.— Irene Adler (@IreneAdlerCal) March 21, 2018
The girlfriend gets a steering wheel, the side piece gets jewelry. Comme ci comme ça.
my uncle unwisely had a note from another woman in his pants pocket when he crashed the bus he was driving. the hospital delivered his clothes to my aunt, who laundered pressed foldered & redelivered them to his bedside, note on top, creases ironed in, said nothing, sat, waited— queenofbithynia (@queenofbithynia) March 21, 2018
I’ve been cheated on more than once, but the story that stands out to me after reading these tweets is the time my college boyfriend moved up to New England for grad school during my senior year of undergrad. During a phone call a few months after he was settled, I heard a girl in the background laughing and talking. I said, “who’s that?” And he said, “Oh, I have a new roommate.” Just like that. Totally breezy, like it was no big deal he had concealed this entire thing from me for months. Just him and some chick, living together in a cabin in the woods — no joke.
We did not work out. For many reasons. This is absolutely one of them.
The reason this entire thread is so worth reading isn’t because it’s cool to entertain yourself with other people’s misfortunes. It’s because we literally all experience misfortunes, and sometimes it’s nice to know we’re not alone in being deceived by dirtbags (or in having done dirtbaggy deeds).
What I realize now, reading this thread for over an hour, is that people cheat on people a lot. https://t.co/IFsGxiIdHr
— Joe Lamour ☕️❤️ (@lamour) March 21, 2018