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Scary Mommy Confessions

  • I understood Kylo Ren. Doesn't hurt that he's hot AF and I'd do dirty, unspeakable things to/with him.

  • I did not take any pictures on Mother's Day last year, my first, because of how fat I am. Guess who's still fat? yup.

  • I know it would be an incredibly tight fit, but there are times (quite often) when, if I could return DD6 by shoving her back up into my uterus, I'd do it.

  • I just applied for food stamps. And then I cried.

  • I'm famous!! Extremely well known. My life is a complete lie and my husband is secretly gay.

  • I am positive I will love the heck out of my kid when she is born. That said, pregnancy feels like a parasite living inside me that is sucking the life out of everything that was good and beautiful and I effing hate it.

  • I think I am a hoarder. I think my bf is too. I hope this doesn't rub off on our kids.

  • I had a miscarriage on mothers day 8 years ago that hurt never goes away

  • Everytime I squat down to pick something up I almost fart. Makes for interesting moments since I teach 6th grade.

  • I had an abortion 20 years ago and was able to put it out of my mind somehow- it was before I met my husband and never told him

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