Scary Mommy Confessions

confessional

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  • I would love to have a fourth baby, but the thought of being 50 with a 12-yr-old has stopped me. I'm afraid I'll regret this.
  • I know your never supposed to say your children are stupid, but my daughter is so stupid. I can't believe I created such an airhead. I hope for her sake she grows into intelligence.
  • I've promised myself upon waking up, several times, that I'm not going to do it today. I'm not going to yell and lose my shit with my kids today. Haven't made it through one day yet.
  • I shower and put on different pajamas. Not clean, different. Probably refolded about 45 times. I don't know what it's like to wear nice clothes anymore.
  • After seeing my son growl and chase his sister to the point of her screaming, I decided to unleash the same on him. Of course, I just stopped once he cowered. Still felt good.
  • Stole a pair of shoes for my daughter at target. The tags were already cut off, so i just put them on her and walked out. I already spend to much$ there!
  • When I sit on the toilet, like I am now, I can grab a handful of fat from my butt that hangs over the side.
  • I use my youngest child as an excuse not to volunteer in the classroom. No siblings allowed. I don't even try to find someone to watch him.
  • I have more pictures of celebrity crushes on my computer than pictures of SO, and I look at and daydream about the celebs far more often.
  • I haven't washed my hair since sometime in June. It smells terrible and is so greasy it feels coated in wax. I'm too lazy to do anything about it, so I've worn it up in a bun away from my face all summer.
  • I'm terrified of kindergarten. The teachers, school times, car rider lines, gym day - so lost. It is a different world than my safe at home world. My daughter will be fine, but I'm a f'ing mess.
  • My DD3 calls me by my 1st name, which doesn't bother me except when we're out in public. I think maybe people think I'm the Nanny.
  • I only have one pair of jeans that fit me. I wear them until the crotch smell starts to embarrass me because otherwise I have nothing to wear but yoga pants with bright orange piping down the sides of the legs.
  • My DD3 Hates cheese. She is actually repelled by it. If I need some time to cook/clean. I hold out some cheese to her and ask if she would like some. She turns on her heels and runs away for a good 10 min.
  • I'm still in love with Jared Leto. As in love with him as I was as a 13-year-old drooling over My So Called Life? Except now I'm a 32-year-old married mom drooling over Jared's instagram! That man...

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