- Took a shit this morning that totally looked like Jabba the hut. Totally gross I know, but I feel soooooo much better!
- While watching The Middle, I had a random thought that, if Frankie Heck were real, she'd totally be a Scary Mommy, unlike most of the other TV moms I've seen.
- I only watch lesbian porn on my phone because I know how to delete the history on it..
- DH's stepfather is a wealthy republican who constantly bitches about taxes and "lazy, worthless poor people leeching the system." We just smile and nod and pretend we aren't on Medicaid.
- I literally fantasize about sleep. All. The. Time. The other night I had a dream that I slept for 24 hours and it was the hottest dream I've ever had.
- Why does alcohol make things so much better? I have so many empty bottles stashed around the house it's pathetic...... functional alcoholic it is!!!
- I thought BDSM was something to do with SM. SM as in Scary Mommy.
- All I want to do is wear fat pants and eat candy. I am so done with today.
- I just told my DD after she asked me to play with her that I was busy paying bills online, while reading SM. Just felt a tad guilty, but kept reading anyway.
- One week from baby #2. My 3-year-old has been exhausting and my husband and I haven't had sex in 4 months. I told my daughter I wanted to run away today. She replied, "don't run away mom." I feel even worse.
- Because my life (and love life) has been so horrible, I am fantasizing that when I use my VIP pass to meet my favorite band soon, the member I like will fall in love with me and I will live happily ever after. Pathetic.
- I'm more manly than most of the men I know but I just want to be man-handled by a big guy and made to feel like a woman.
- I spilled potato salad on my boobs, scraped it off with my fork and ate it cause I'm classy like that.
- I've always worked and had a "career," and I still don't know what to do with the rest of my life now that my dd is 16.
- Bathing dc in the middle of a Saturday afternoon simply because I know I will not have the energy to do it after dinner tonight. And they haven't had a bath in a week. They are gross.
- At the store and saw the car of a neighbor who blasts his stereo and revs his engine up and down the street as he drives far too fast thru the neighborhood at all hrs, usually waking DD. I keyed it.