- I don't feel a sense of accomplishment when I don't shave everything at once.
- I'd sell my soul for enough Xanax to last the rest of the week.
- Most nights end with me screaming at my kids. I hate it!
- One glass of wine and I'm a little bitchy. Two, and I'm drowsy. Three, and my life is perfect and H the kids are hilarious instead of making me want to stab myself in the eye.
- I have the best mil in the world! She loves Fifty Shades of Grey and wishes a wonderful guy would spank her bum! BEST conversations ever lol
- Sometimes I wish it was possible to figure out what percentage of my kid being an asshole is just his personality and how much is because of me. Then I decide maybe I don't really want to know.
- I don't like to bring company over to my house because im terrified that my house smells bad but I can't smell it.
- I fully plan on licking the spoon and double-dip tasting every dish i make for Thanksgiving at my in-laws tomorrow.
- I orgasm nearly every time I breastfeed my DD. Scared this isn't normal.
- Getting married to a pill addict was the stupidest shit I have ever done.
- I never liked kids. Now I'm a mom and I still don't like them. Don't get me wrong, I love my DS2 but I desperatley wish someone could teach me to enjoy being a mom. Sometimes I wish I could take it all back.
- Breakfast: 2 doughnuts, Lunch: pizza, Dinner: (see breakfast). I'm such a fucking mess today! No wonder I've gained 20 pounds. Fail.
- I purposefully don't answer when F calls.
- I was at work today, and I realized I'm pretty sure I'm in love with my boyfriend. We haven't said that to each other yet, but it hit me like a ton of bricks today.
- Starving myself today so I can feast tomorrow.
- This evening, before dinner, I actually slept on the floor while my 21-month old twins watched 3 episodes of Peppa Pig, leaning against me. I SLEPT ON THE FLOOR - never thought I'd hear/see myself say sth like this.