Scary Mommy Confessions

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  • Why don't they just rename "what to expect when you're expecting" - "how to grow your own torture device in 9 long months".
  • When pregnant with dd I gained 7lbs, had glowing skin, and no problems. Pregnant with ds and gain 36 lbs, acne, boils, greasy hair, facial hair, and constant pelvic pain/nausea. I think its karma for trying for a boy
  • I just got my liver ultrasound results. My liver is clean! This is like getting a new chance at life and is the first good thing to happen to me in 5 years.
  • Sometimes I fantasize about getting paid $5000 to be a full service entertainer for a whole bachelor party for just an hour. I think I really would do it if I could....just once.
  • My Oldest DD isn't my DH's. Recently contacted by her Bio Dad as he has been looking at pictures I posted on FB. Spitting image of his mother. He said it was our secret forever. Want but don't know how to let her know.
  • Payday and we are already broke. Going grocery shopping gives me anxiety about what we can and cannot afford. This is not what I signed up for.
  • unless i see visible crud on the seat, i never use a toilet seat cover. they are usually gone anyway and i hate the feeling of them on my butt. i don't like them. and in 30 years a toilet has never given me anything.
  • I used to be cool.
  • I scream like a lunatic at my kid when he gets poop everywhere accidentally (misses the toilet, gets his hands in it, runs away before I can wipe him). I feel terrible afterward. No wonder he still hasn't got the hang of it.
  • I am having a really hard time getting my d3 to do what I say. Everyone tells me to take control I'm the boss, but I am so afraid of losing my temper and hurting her. Then I spend the day crying like a crazy woman.

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