Scary Mommy - Scary Mommy Confessions

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Scary Mommy Confessions

  • DS5 told me he likes having wet pants. Explains why he pees in them all the time. I'm terrified he's going to get kicked out of kindergarten next year. I'd lose my mind trying to homeschool.

  • My kid lies constantly. I'm always happy when it bites him in the ass.

  • I was ignoring my 3yo ds reading SM. Then I heard him say "I love you too" to himself... he'd been telling me he loved me and I was ignoring him.

  • Crazy ass grandmother-in-law gave DD baby aspirin for a fever when she was only 1. She spent a week in the hospital and almost died. 10 years later DD still gets frequent migraines. I still hold a grudge.

  • We have cake at work today. And even though the cake is for ME, I feel guilty going back for a 2nd piece. ...okay...5th...

  • I have terrible sexual fantasies and I confessed them to my DH. Turns out he shares some of them. It's made role playing really fun.

  • I wish my husband wanted sex half as often as I want it.

  • I love my wife and treat her like a princess, stay in great shape, am a great dad, have a badass job that lets us live comfortably, and never considered straying (despite many opportunities). My wife cheated on me. Fuck.

  • Never thought I'd quote Pink Floyd as a parent but last night it was " How can you have any pudding if you can't eat your meat? "

  • Found out that my assumed miscarriage was just a harmless hematoma bleed that will go away! Heartbeat and everything! Cried tears of pure joy. I don't know where all my good luck comes from.

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