- They will hate you by the time i'm done. They deserve to know exactly what your choices did to them, and why they don't have the mom they did. They are sad all the time, because all they see is me crying and upset over you.
- There are days that I wait for my H and 3boys to go to sleep so I can watch porn and use my vibrator
- Sometimes I'll eat a second dessert after H goes to bed, solely because I don't want him to eat it before I can. This is always, always the case when there is only one serving left. Ps - the banana pudding? Worth it.
- I could scour my nipples for days with the tweezers and not find a single hair to pull out. But the second my little guy latches on, suddenly there's three dark, thick hairs sprouted. Bugs me like nothing else.
- Watching High School musical with DD12 and DD6. Lusting after Zac Efron. Serious. Lusting.
- I really, really, really want to leave my church and tell them all to fuck off!
- I want H to leave sexual bruises on me. I want to look at them and remember what we did for me to earn them. Can't tell him this, he already thinks I'm too kinky.
- I'm going to propose sex every other night for the whole month. Just to see how often I get turned down, like that guy who kept a list of his wife's excuses. Except I'm the wife in this experiment.
- So, I officially have knee fat. Whatever. I am going to eat pie.
- I just farted so loud it made my dog bark. I'm pregnant and haven't farted in days
- Ds23mon calls my pads "mommys diapers"... That's right honey. I should shut the door when I'm on shark week.
- Sometimes several times a day I have to verbally slap my inner teenaged rebellious self And remind her we're almost 4o now with our own teens And WE now have to be the grownups!
- I would love to win the "Knock and Shock" reading from Theresa Caputo, but my house is so messy I don't want cameras in here
- I have special extra punishments for any of my kids stupid enough throw out a "Yeah!" or similar nasty taunt when I'm punishing one of his brothers.
- When things go to shit, but I'm prepared for it, I am insufferably smug - people want to kill me.
- I have been trying to figure out where my anxiety stems from and why I need Zoloft and Xanax to get through the day. I figured out that it is my kids and I now feel like the.worst.mom.evah.