- Fuck you negative pregnancy test. Fuck you because now I feel defective and broken.
- I'm the fat one in the play group
- There is a girl on my fb with the ugliest god damn baby in the world. I mean ugly. I "like" her pictures of the creature, but thank the world I have a cute baby. I was so fucking worried!
- If I get nominated for the ice bucket challenge, I'm donating to a breast cancer charity instead. That's what I just lost my best friend to, not ALS.
- I love the scent of Ralph Lauren Blue so much that I have been saving any extra pennies I can so I can buy a bottle--for myself. I'm a 30 year old super girly female. Don't care, I love it!
- I just ate 3 ice cream sandwiches.... Don't fucking judge me!! No wonder I'm having bariatric surgery, I'm gross!!
- I shave my butt.
- I sit on the couch all day and watch TV. Never do housework. I'm just too tired to move, all the time.
- I love my 4 month old more than life itself but am seriously worried that I ruined my life by marrying her father. I think he is a terrible person.
- I asked my husband for a separation. I'm just not sure I want to be married to him anymore. I can't hide the disappointment and heartbreak our marriage has brought me. I'm scared of leaving, but I really want to go.
- He said he wanted to just tackle me and grab me (in a playful/sexual way). I wish so hard he would. It's probably good we don't go anywhere alone. The chemistry is unbelievable, but we belong to other people.
- Last weekend I had a heated conversation about how the ice bucket challenge was a waste of clean water. Today I realized how much clean water I waste masturbating in the shower. Oops
- DH had the audacity to ask me to distract DS1 so he could use the bathroom. Umm no. If I can't poop in peace, neither can you dude!! Having his little fingers creeping underneath the door will not kill you.
- 33yo and had to have my mom email me a target gift card so I could buy plan b because we're so broke.
- The dishes from yesterday need to be washed so bad they're starting to stink & the baby won't stop crying.I lit a fragrant candle & turned on RHOC while holding the baby. She stops crying if I let her watch it w/me,so I do!
- I told a couple with a screaming child in the restaurant I'd pay for their meals AND give them $50 on top of that if they'd leave immediately.