- Whoever said anal sex was awesome and give you amazing orgasms, LIED.
- I have a secret ambition to some day look up a random wedding or baby registry and anonymously buy them as much stuff off their registry as I can.
- Got my hair done today after waiting almost two years. It looks exactly the same! Still full of grays and no highlights are you kidding me?! Of course told the lady I loved it and cried all the way home
- My 3rd baby is a shrieker. Oh GOD the NOISE. I TOTALLY get why that woman taped a pacifier to her kid's face.
- If SM has taught me one thing, it's that I'm not the only person in the world who has pooping issues.
- On days like today I wish I could give back my kids.
- Had a sex with bf for 1st time. He's too big. Ovaries are killing me. Not sure what to do now.
- Started using paper plates so I could avoid doing more dishes. It's all part of my "Work Smarter, Not Harder plan."
- I called the ASPCA on my neighbor. Their dog is rail thin. I could see his ribs. Turns out the poor thing has liver cancer, and is getting put down soon. I feel kinda foolish, but stand by my decision to report it.
- My friend wants to volunteer in her daughter's class. I wish it was nice to say "why in the fuck would you do that?! You don't like to help your own kid with homework! Why would you someone else's?!"
- I just want to enjoy sitting on the toilet, constipated, without my little ones climbing on me.
- Sometimes I let my son eat toliet paper (only a square) because it's easier then listening to the tantrum when I take it away.
- I'm a great cook but I can't make hard boiled eggs.
- Told my bratty 2 year old son today during a tantrum that I liked him better when he was 1. Whoops! I feel like a jerk.
- I'm sitting on the floor covered in blood from purposefully cutting myself and my dh is on a work conference call.
- I'm a photographer. I will ALWAYS edit your zits out, and whiten your teeth. Because otherwise, you'll look stupid and so will my photos.