- Come near me again and you're dead, bitch. The police won't stop the stalking, you won't leave my family alone. It's been almost twenty years of your shit. I will kill you if you come near us again.
- I take so many vitamins and supplements, it would actually be worth it to see if they come in low-calorie versions.
- I refer to shredding my confession notes after entering them as "destroying the evidence"
- I totally wanna screw the dad from The Fault in Our Stars!!!
- If I win the lottery, one of the first things I'm going to do is use some of the winnings to get revenge on enemies with whom I could not previously afford to get even.
- My DS had such a terrible tantrum at Target that everyone was staring as I walked out. My face was red and sweaty from embarrassment. I was so angry with him I would have spanked him if we weren't in front of so many people.
- The cashier didn't see the cube of pop on the bottom of the cart. I didn't bother interrupting the conversation we were having to tell her, either.
- Barack Obama scares me - and it has absolutely NOTHING to do with his being black.
- Scary mommy has saved my life!!
- I giggle at the term "pearl clutcher" because it makes me picture someone giving the prim and sanctimonious bitch a pearl necklace (thank you, ZZ Top!)
- My brother & sister just died within weeks of each other. I got a tattoo that made me so fuckin' happy. Now, I'm being judged by assholes.
- My motivation for losing weight: I was horseplaying with my kids for the first time in forever. Did I enjoy it? No, but they did & I was able to do it without exhaustion. Hope next I can have the confidence to make friends!
- As I watched my husband drive away to go to the store, I fantasized that he never came back. We moved into a great Brooklyn apt and a dog.
- I totally support gay marriage but my sister is getting married tomorrow to her "wife". I am terrified for my ds10 when kids the bride comes up. She knows what gay means but seeing it is another story altogether.
- My son sprinkled the couch with grated parmesan cheese. I didn't really try all that hard to dust it off... I'm sure I now smell like an Italian restaurant.
- I would soooo pay big bucks for a 2 week medically induced coma. Will I ever sleep again.