- Had the worst birthday ever. Husband got me the exact opposite of what I had on my list.
- When my 2 year old wakes up too early I chuck an ipad into the crib and go back to bed.
- I'm the hiring manager at work. I secretly love making fun of unprofessional emails, ridiculous availabilities, misspellings, and the complete inability to follow directions on the application.
- My husband and I haven't been intimate since our son was conceived. He's 15 months old. You do the math.
- I grew up watching MTV from the times when they had head bangers ball thru several seasons of Real World and Road Rules. I still watch it religiously.
- I pretend I can't hear my 7 month old when she cries at 2:00 am, just so my husband will go get her. Then I murmur thank you after she settles down. Makes things between us more pleasant.
- My youngest is almost 3, I am not pregnant but after wearing maternity underware I have never gone back to "regular underware".
- Our dog kept on trying to get on the bed throughout the night. (He sleeps with the hubby and I) but he was really stinky so I got up at 3 am to bathe him so he could sleep with us.
- Famous people (like me) fart and pick their toenails too.
- I only paid for pain meds for my kittens neuter because I used to work there and I don't want to be judge. This kitten is so annoying maybe having a sore nutsack would have chilled his ass for a day.
- I cringe a little inside every time someone asks me about my upcoming csection. I'm fucking terrified and my anxiety is really starting to get to me.
- Every single thing I know about this Duggar family I learned from scary mommy.
- If our house was broken into we have a built in security system... stuff everywhere. We would probably come home to some fool on the ground unconscious in a stack of board books, Legos, and doll house pieces.
- Drinking wine and eating chocolate while wearing my pyjamas and bathrobe makes me ridiculously happy.
- I had an affair and still sometimes wish I was with him instead if working it out with my husband so I don't lose my three kids
- Want to have a hidden camera in my class. At the end of the year, I'd send a copy of it to each of my students' parents with a note, "THIS is the shit I had to put up with from your 'little angel' all fucking year!"