- I hate my job. How am I support to support/"sell" this "small business" when I dont even care about it. I should NOT be in sales. Greedy, greedy business. I hate it.
- I told my kid the tooth fairy didn't leave him any money because she saw cuss words all over his tooth. She left a note saying she'd visit in 2 weeks to see if he had made any progress. Ha!
- The smell of my dogs paws relaxes me. I will randomly smell their feet if I'm anxious. I also let them sleep right by my face for the same reason. I'd totally buy a candle scented Dog Paws :-).
- I secretly like that my BFF is envious of my life. I'm 29, happily married, 3 kids, big house, good job. She's 33, another dead end relationship, has a masters degree but is working at Starbucks! Karma's a bitch!
- Oh the things I would do to Theo James....Rawr.
- I live in a developing country. Scary Mommy has actually cleared me of all the misconceptions I had about "America"!
- I wish that my ex and his wife would sail away to a distant land and never be heard from again. A girl can always hope, right?
- I tell my husband the bills are slightly higher than they are so I can have extra spending money. Being a SAHM IS work!!!
- The only reason I do half the freaky shit I do in bed with DH is because I know his first DW was a frigid prude who starved him for sex & I don't ever want to be compared to her. I get anything I want. My pussy owns him.
- I have no idea wth shark week is
- I never told my BFF that her DD17 stole $60 from my purse when I was at their house. I didn't want to ruin our friendship if she didn't believe me. Maybe if I had, her DD wouldn't be in jail for shoplifting right now.
- I couldn't afford the dresscode jacket for my kid's award ceremony after DH left. I'm so grateful for the saleslady who gave me $8 to make up the difference. My boy had tears in his eyes when I said we couldn't go.
- Pregnancy has ruined 'down there'. Ingrown hairs, dryness, jungle mane - all sorts of stuff I've never dealt with before! Terrified to give birth - don't think my junk can survive it!! :(
- Prettttty damn sure I accidentally chemical burned my vag. Way too embarrassed to tell anyone but you guys!!
- I never thought I would have to tell someone to "Get Your Tiny Fingers Out of My Bellybutton"!
- I secretly love when H doesn't get a haircut or keep up with grooming, that way I feel better knowing other girls won't hit on him when he goes out. I think he caught on though. ...