- I want to play on the kids' Slipnslide, but I'm afraid my fat ass would get hurt! Imagine explaining that in the ER. "Yes, sir, I'm 40 years old, 250 pounds, and I broke my tailbone on a SlipnSlide"
- In my culture a girl is considered a failure if she isn't married by 27. I got married right out of college and resent my parents for encouraging that instead of telling me to wait. They got kudos, i got screwed.
- I'm a little sad DH doesn't have the right hairstyle to grow a beard like my character crushes.
- 35 yr old. Had 10 lb baby who is 18 mo. Sneezed and just peed all over myself...wtf!
- I FORGIVE MY MOM. Now that I'm a mother, I hold no grudges! She had it bad with 3 kids! Poor thing didn't have Zoloft or pot like I do!
- My favorite part about being an adult is wine.
- Thanks to my upbringing, I always thought I'd make an excellent Professor of White Trash Studies. I feel like Jane Goodall, except with less intelligent subjects.
- I had a dream that my crush surprised me at work and fucked me there. It was so good but when I'm awake, all I want is a text from him.
- I just pulled DD16mo hair because she's always pulling mine to sleep and I'm sick of losing hair and headaches.
- H has severe anxiety and refused to treat it until now, when he can barely function. He can't even travel an hour away, and I always have to travel alone or alone with DCs. I resent him for it.
- The song "Seether" is 21 years old? How? Fuck. I feel old as shit.
- I have two under two. There are at least a few moments every day where I think I might try to rip my own head off.
- I think I have a hemorrhoid. But I'm not really 100% sure what they are and what it would feel like. Too scared to google that shit. Thanks motherhood for giving me vajayjay and asshole problems!!
- I accidentally drove my little hatchback over a little bit of median and it was enough to tear a hole in my oilpan, which seized up my engine. Just when life was getting a little comfortable.....:(
- I made a menu so my autistic boy could see what's for dinner & stop tantrumming for something he's craving. Now he throws tantrums because we're out of what's supposed to be for dinner Planning doesn't = affording
- Zombies scare me...