Scary Mommy Confessions


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Confession #199126

  • I want to play on the kids' Slipnslide, but I'm afraid my fat ass would get hurt! Imagine explaining that in the ER. "Yes, sir, I'm 40 years old, 250 pounds, and I broke my tailbone on a SlipnSlide"

More Confessions

  • I have a houseful of new furniture, but I'm more excited that my old dishwasher was fixed.
  • I kind of feel guilty that I can afford nice things and my friend can't. She chooses stupid men and keeps changing jobs.
  • I don't get drunk anymore but I get a massive hangover. I'm not drinking anymore.
  • I'm convinced all my engagment and wedding pictures will be horrible because BF does not understand how to look like a normal human being in any photo ever taken. Especially his "smiling" face
  • I often dream about anal sex. That is about as close to it as I will ever get. Depresses me that SO won't give it a try.
  • Why does DD have to scream about everything? She has absolutely zero patience, she gets it from her father. It really stresses me out!!!!
  • DH is a 1 min wonder in bed. He also likes slow soft sex. I need a lion in my bed but he can't do it or he will cum in 2 sec This isn't his fault. So unfair. So FUCKING unfair!
  • Schools have way to much power over parents. Sick of doing homework assigned to me by DDs teacher.. Just want to write F off in big red letters and make my daughter turn that in. I am obviously a sheep so I don't do it :(
  • I noticed my 2 BFFs are more like their mothers the older they get. Maybe I am too. Maybe we all will be. I'm scared. I don't want this to happen. My mom is crazy. I am afraid to ask anyone if they think I am like my mom.
  • Stopped a 2 liter a day 20 yr long Pepsi love affair. Drinking only water now. It's hard but I need to lose 100 lbs. I want my life back. It's hard to admit that being fat bothers me. I hurt so bad. -Desperate
  • Have a guy staying with me this week that I've been dating. He's just had surgery and I thought I'd be nice. He's only been at my house a couple hours and I'm over it. I want him to go home now! Not interested anymore!
  • Hiding out in the bathroom at work trying to poop AND shirk my management duties. Fuck em, I should of been out with ds 4 instead of serving rude bottomless assholes
  • I have so many strikes against me (pierced/tattooed, androgynous, and chronically ill) that I feel I have to work much harder than the average "normal" parent because people don't think I "deserve" to be a parent.
  • Today while trying to put together a floor lamp (it wasn't going well)...I threw the lamp on the ground and then literally screamed at it "fuck you, you motherfucker!!" And then started crying. PMS much?
  • In the 2.5 years ive been with this man ive never gone to bed unsatisfied. Until tonight. I actually want to cry i feel so bad. Due to have his baby monday and all i want right now is him. He is out cold.

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