Scary Mommy - Scary Mommy Confessions

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Scary Mommy Confessions

  • Me + 30 pounds= not cute. I know he doesn't mind but if he calls me squishy or soft one more time, I'm going to describe my ex's penis in detail next we run into him at WalMart.

  • I would have an affair in a heartbeat. A girl just wants to feel wanted ya know?!

  • My mother fell asleep today and left my ds 7 and dd 6 at the bus stop alone to walk home. I am so fucking pissed I could kill her. Seriously contemplating a retirement village far far away right no so I don't go to jail

  • Desperately awaiting a call from one of the new mommy friends I met last week. So afraid all 3 of them are so tight w/ each other, they won't want to include me - but we all REALLY hit it off!! *stares at phone* RING DAMMIT

  • Hate myself for shoving down my depression with food. :( The drinking isn't helping either.

  • A hot young guy mows the neighbors grass. I fantasize about being like Eva longoria and fucking him silly, in my garage, while hubby is at work. I have this fantasy when hubby is going down on me....

  • They should just add anxiety meds to birth control. The best combination since peanut butter and chocolate. Nobel Prize, here I come!

  • I think my breasts are permanently compressed from only using sports bras since I gave birth a year ago

  • I miss my husband. Could be 15 months til I get him back.. screw you, heroin.

  • Finally seeing the results! Through diet and exercise I've lost weight... All in my boobs. Fuck life.

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