Crushable Yogurt: An Unsponsored Review

Dear products developers at Dannon,

I am writing to express my confusion over the most recent product of yours to hit my supermarket’s shelves. “Crushable Yogurt,” you call it, because it’s consumed by crushing the container and slurping out the sugary contents.

Huh?

What’s wrong with teaching our children to eat with utensils? This product is marketed towards kids who have long mastered eating with a spoon, yet it encourages them to abandon the tool altogether. What genius on your team thought of this?

Sippable yogurt was bad enough, but at least clean to eat. The squeezable kind were messy, but still somewhat sensible on the go. These, however, are disastrous. Did you have children test them out before distributing them? Did it dawn on you that without spoons, children would resort to using their fingers to dig every last bit out?

Unless you intended for this to double as yogurt facial, I’d say this was a big failure on your part. I let my children convince me once to buy this asinine item, but I won’t make that mistake again. Or, if I do, they’ll be sent in school lunches where I don’t have to deal with clean up. But, I have a feeling they’ll be wisely banned from the approved school lunch list in record speed.

If you’re looking for innovative yogurt ideas, how about including a plastic spoon in the packaging? Or managing to sneak some spinach or broccoli in? Or lowering the sugar content and artificial coloring? Other than that, please stick to good, old fashioned yogurt. Some things are fine just the way they are.

Sincerely yours,

Scary Mommy