Dear wench spewing out directions from inside my husband’s dashboard,
What the hell did I ever do to you? What made you think that the night after a funeral and burial, one day after a ten plus hour drive to get there, we’d feel like trekking through the scenic route of rural Connecticut? Because we certainly didn’t.
We didn’t feel like listening to a screaming baby while driving in the pitch black going 30 miles an hour. We didn’t feel like listening to your chipper voice chanting, “proceed to the left,” with nothing but empty woods sitting there. We didn’t feel like driving on an almost empty tank of gas through side roads and woods without a gas station in sight. We didn’t feel like entrusting our lives to my blind in one eye husband, so I drove, much to my chagrin. We didn’t feel like staying at the Comfort Inn, because it was 11:00 pm and we were so exhausted from the whole experience that we couldn’t see straight. We felt like getting home in the eight hours it should take to arrive, rather than the traffic filled ten hour mess the day before. We didn’t. So, thanks a bunch.
And, just so you know, I can hold a grudge forever. And I will never trust you again. From now on, I’m relying on MapQuest and my own car’s navigation system. Mine has never lead me so astray. Mine always get me to where I want to go. Mine has a much more pleasant sounding voice and has never taken me through unnamed streets in the pitch black.
(Or, maybe it’s that I, unlike my husband, have never pushed the “avoid major highways” option by mistake.)
Whoops. But I still don’t like you. So there.
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{ 28 comments… read them below or add one }
Oh NO. I know about those unnamed, dark New England roads! :)
My navigation system is the man in the passenger seat screaming,”Turn right! No! Your other right!” I wouldn’t have sex with your navigation system for like 4 days.
I’ve never used a navigation system other than a map…. sounds annoying as hell…
Do you live in New England?? Are we neighbors and I don’t know it???
I’m a mapquest girl myself. Those sophisticated navigation thingies — what do they know?
I’m laughing so hard I think I’m going to pee in my pants.
Dawn
She sounds like a completely smug bitch. Clearly she’s not as fantastic as she thinks she is.
Sorry you had so much trouble with that thing. I don’t use them! If I need to go somewhere I write down the direction Old Fashion I know but, you can’t trust those things. Much Love From Queen Bee!
My dad swears by his stupid gps thingy, and I HATE it – in MY town, which I know inside and out, I would imagine that I know the best way to get around, but NOOOOO we have to listen to that calm, smug voice tell us the BETTER way to go and take the 35 minute route to get to the bakery 4 blocks away. *huff* Technology, BAH.
we affectionately call ours “nuvi”. not too original, i know, but when i make a mistake, she doesn’t yell at me, but just nicely says, “recalculating”. my kids say she’s my favorite child. hmmmm. guess yours is NOT!
ARG! What a pain in the ass…I would have cried and pouted because that is what I am good at in those types of situations. I think I forgot to actually comment earlier, but I wanted to tell you that I am thinking of your family and giving you guys cyber hugs right now :) Losing a grandparent is so tough. I’m sorry for your loss. {{{hug}}}
That is so funny about Jeff pushing the “avoid major highways” option by mistake! Guess I am lucky you even made it home by 3pm—-sorry it was such a dreadful drive but now you are safe and sound at home with new things to blog about! xxxxoooo Mom
Can I give your navagation system to my MIL?
Maybe that will prevent her from finding our house…..ever.
I borrowed one but I knew where I was going, just wanted to see how it worked. It tried to take me a different way and when I wouldn’t go that way, it would try to make me turn into nothing. No road there!
Ya, set that thing wrong and you will never arrive. ever.
so sorry!
I have a little sum-mm sum-mm for ya.
I hate them too. Here, have some wine :)
Hey, thanks for the blogby!!! Sorry about your grandma. I am sure it's comforting to know she led a fulfilling & loving life. As for navigation systems, I still like my mapquest!
I know that you think it’s because your husband pushed the “avoid major highways” button, but this is actually part of a larger plot in New England.
You see, more people leave New England each year (well, MA at least) than come in. We’re bleeding residents! So in an effort to keep our population steady, we regularly hijack your navigation systems in order to keep you trapped in our area. We figure you’ll eventually give up trying to navigate our pot-hole-filled roads and just buy a house.
=)
So sorry about your trouble. Never avoid the main roads unless its rush-hour!
i know it was an accident, hope you forgive him.
Here’s my favorite: You are right in the middle of no-man’s land (like back roads in Amish Country, PA) and the GPS–or “Little Lady,”–as I call her, in the most pleasant voice ever and with such calm says: “GPS Signal lost.” WHAT?????????????? And no matter what you do–turn it on and off, hit it, throw it, it doesn’t synche back up.
How can you be calm about that? Especially when you have 5 kids in the back seat. It is freaking midnight. You’re so tired you can’t see straight. Wow! This sounds amazingly similar. Yep! Mapquest is the sure thing.
And, I agree with Jill… I wouldn’t be having sex with your nav system for a while either LOL.
avoid major highways… hahahahahahahaha
jill jill, 4 days is punishment for you? No wonder you have a million kids.
LOL, iMommy, it was tempting to just stay put. Connecticut is quite pretty, but the big kids were at home, so back we came. :)
Oh no!! That is the worst. I am sorry – I have been there too.
I’m so glad that our navigation lady never steers us wrong. I think we paid extra for that.
I totally feel your pain. Hubby actually threw our GPS out the window on a trip in rural Alabama. Yeah, it wasn’t supposed to be a trip in RURAL Alabama.
I don’t really trust any technology that tries to talk to me!
So funny when it doesn’t happen to me.
THANKS FOR LINKING TODAY!
D’oh! Damned GPS!