I’ve never been a big believer in natural medicine or herbal remedies. When I asked my cousin about the essential oils she was selling, it wasn’t because I cared about my health; it was because the starter package came with a diffuser that had a pretty, purple light. I never had any intentions of using these oils for anything but a deodorizer. I just wanted to make my house smell good enough to seem like it was clean.
Long story short, one oil lead to another until I became a homemade hand soap, body-scrub-making machine. I was using lavender on a sore back and lemon drops to deodorize my funky smelling front-loading washer. Before I knew it, I was rubbing them under my nose at the onset of a sore throat to eradicate my colds and Frankincense on my face to clean it with the bonus of preventing blemishes.
Maybe you know someone like me. Maybe you are someone like me. Either way, you know you have an essential oils problem if…
1. Everything in your bathroom is oily.
2. People make fun of you for using oils.
3. You don’t care.
4. You smell like a candy cane because you used peppermint last week, and it’s still lingering.
5. You start saying, “There’s an oil for that,” for everything.
6. You try to use them sparingly, but can’t.
7. When you have extra cash, the first thing you think is, “I can buy more oils.”
8. You hoard the last few drops because you ordered the refill too late.
9. You can use your homemade body scrub to sweeten your coffee.
10. You can use your homemade body butter to flavor your toast.
11. You have a circle of friends who also use oils.
12. All you talk about in this cult is how to use oils and what you’re currently doing with them.
13. You dream about them.
14. You bathe in them — literally.
15. When someone tells you they don’t believe essential oils work, you just laugh because obviously they haven’t tried them.
16. You tell that non-believing person there’s an oil for their bad attitude.
17. You ask your waiter — disgustedly — to please remove the lemon wedge from your water glass and shake your lemon essential oil bottle at him before rolling your eyes.
18. You think about ways to work essential oils into conversations that have nothing to do with oils (“I’m so sorry to hear about your grandmother’s passing. Did you know essential oils are distilled in a way so that they carry the fragrance of the plant the oil is extracted from? Fascinating, really.”)
19. You put lavender oil on your kid’s feet hoping they’ll sleep longer.
20. You put lavender oil on your feet hoping you’ll sleep longer.
21. You try to sell your spouse that cypress, rosemary, and bergamot is an extremely masculine smell for the homemade deodorant you made him.
22. You talk about oils like they are your kids. “Oh my gosh, Linda, did you hear? My Copaiba made the wood on my dining room table sparkle and shine. We are just so proud.”
23. Your kids line up every morning to get their daily dose of oils on their feet.
24. The first thing you think of when you wake up is, “Wow, that Roman chamomile and rose combo really helped me relax.”
25. You have an entire wall shelf dedicated to carrier and essential oils.
26. You don’t let your spouse use the olive oil because you need it to make face cleanser.
27. Your non-oil friends start getting weirded out.
28. Your spouse tells you that you have a problem.
29. You tell him there’s an oil for that.
30. You Google: “Essential oils used to treat your essential oil addiction,” and find out all those oils are on sale.
There are worse problems than being addicted to essential oils, like binge-watching reality TV and stuffing dirty socks into closet shelves because there is no essential oil that will do your laundry (I looked). I admit, I’ve cut it back considerably in the last year. That doesn’t mean I don’t think about oils or still use them. I’m not really sure that once you start using oils, you can ever completely turn it back around. I’ve thought about it a lot. Usually, at night while invigorating my senses with Amyris oil misting from my diffuser while staring at the pretty, purple light. misting from my diffuser while staring at the pretty, purple light.