Turns out everybody loves a vagina necklace
Okay. Okay…okay. So, I am a feminist, I am sex-positive, and I believe in the power and beauty of women’s bodies. I am as pro-vagina as the next gal…at least, I thought I was, until Emily Fitzgerald and her Etsy store Moonflower Creations had to go and up the ante on me. Turns out, nothing will test your pro-vagina feelings like the offer of a glittery vagina necklace.
In an interview with The Huffington Post, Fitzgerald said that when she made her first “yoni” necklace (Sanskrit for down-there lady parts), her daughter called her “a freak.” But, like a bad-ass, she wanted to show her daughters that “yonis are great,” so she started selling them on Etsy.
And the crowd. Went. Wild. Fitzgerald sold out of her necklaces quickly and got quite a bit of feedback, running the gamut from grateful to disgusted. She told Scary Mommy that some of the messages were “from women who have suffered from vaginal health issues. A lot of messages from women thanking me for helping normalize the female body. Also, of course, a lot of light hearted jokes which is ok they give me a giggle also. And of course the utterly disgusted viewer who can’t believe their eyes 😂..”
We took a look at some of her offerings on her Instagram page. One of our favorite parts of this was the number of people in the comments who said, “Those look like vaginas.”
First, there’s your basic yoni, or what Fitzgerald calls “galaxy puss pendants.” They’re shiny, they’re pastel, and they have a pearl clit. (Cuz they’re fancy.)
Then there’s the “galactic yoni,” for those who like their vaginas with a little sparkle. (FYI, ladies — if you have this much glitter in your yoni, you’re doing it wrong.)
Next, we take things up a notch and go to “rainbow galaxy puss” necklaces. My editor suggested that you could wear these to yoga class, but I worry that the taint end of these things could put an eye out. And then you’re the person who lost an eye to a vagina, and that’s hard to explain.
You know that nightmare you have where you think your vagina is looking at you? No? Just me? Well, now that fear has been realized in Fitzgerald’s “all seeing eye vageyena necklaces.” It must be pretty boring to be an all-seeing vagina, though, don’t you think? I mean, your average vagina sees maybe, what, four or five things in its’ lifetime? I’m sure there are some bolder, more adventurous vaginas out there, but overall I think it’d be a let-down to be a powerful, all-seeing vagina and get stuck staring at a tampon for half your life.
These vaginas with crystals attached make me uncomfortable, but I can’t put a dildo on why….
And finally, Fitzgerald’s newest creation, “mirrored yonis.” Yes, the next time you check your makeup, you can do while staring intently into the vaginal abyss. Alternatively, you can use this as the world’s next greatest pick-up line, by showing it to strangers and saying, “Can you see yourself in my vagina?”
The demand for the necklaces was so big that Fitzgerald had to temporarily shut her shop down. It’s back up and running now, but without the yoni necklaces because girlfriend could not keep up with all the orders. She plans to have more in stock and ready to sell sometime next week.
Looks like people just can’t keep their hands off her vagina necklaces, and it’s obvious why that is: first of all, they are undeniably beautifully made. Fitzgerald is a phenomenal artist. And second, you can’t make more of a pro-woman statement than hanging a big ol’ vagina around your neck.
Not all of us are vagina necklace gals, however. There are some kick-ass women out there who would wear these proudly, but I am not one of them. I might buy one, but it would lay carefully hidden in my jewelry box and would only make an appearance at dinner parties and perhaps the weddings of my nemeses.
But good on ya, Fitzgerald, you make some gorgeous yonis.