Though I try very hard not to judge my husband’s fathering*, sometimes it can be damn near impossible. I do realize, of course, that I’m not a perfect parent. Hardly. I’m just more perfect, most of the time. For example, I would never have thought mowing the lawn in flip flops while wearing my second child in the Baby Bjorn was good judgment. But I never would have mowed the lawn at all, in all fairness. But, I digress.
My middle child has become a bit of a biter lately. Not like a “walk up to random people on the street and bite them” kind of way, but in a “my sister just hit me and she’s stronger than I am so I’ll just bite her” way. I think it’s resourceful, while Jeff finds it worrisome.
A few nights ago, after repeated biting reports from his sister, Jeff called Ben downstairs. Benjamin, he began, this biting thing is very serious. Unacceptable. We do not bite. Do you understand? Ben nodded solemnly.
{Enter the part where I admit judgment}
If you keep biting, Jeff continued, I will have no choice but to take you to the dentist and have him pull out all of your teeth. Am I making myself clear?
{Thud.}
Even after my jaw dropped and I threatened him with blogging this asinine move, my husband stood firm. I bet your readers would take my side, he even said. I respectfully disagreed. No way would you all think that his ridiculous empty threat was wise. It was ludicrous, right?
Right??
(*For the record, I adore my husband and think he is an excellent father. And I would have said this even if he didn’t request it.)
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I just read a few of the comments, because I’m at work and I can’t read them all, but here is what I think… NO empty threats. If you can’t follow through then don’t say it. BUT I also think that biting is bad and worrisome. But then my kids are in daycare and biting can be really, really bad. Like they will kick your kid out if you can’t get it under control. My solution to biting is (gasp) spanking or biting back. I know not everyone agrees with that, but it is working for us. Bud bit me once, really hard, and I spanked his leg once really hard. He hasn’t bit me again and if he tries I tell him no biting and ask if he wants a spanking and he stops and diverts. He also bit his sister once really hard and got a spanking for that. It is just a behaviour I’m not going to tolerate. Soooo, if you are up for it. Get Lily to bite him back (or stop hitting) and I bet he stops.
Jennifer´s last blog ..Small Town Saturday Night, Wordful Wednesday
Twitter: jwilliams057
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Do you watch Modern Family? Last week’s episode was so funny. The couple finds a cigarette burn on the couch and questions their three kids. When no one come forward, the mom begins, “well, if none of you come forward…” and the dad finishes with “we’re taking away Christmas” then it cuts to their talking heads where they admit he always goes to the extreme. While laughing my husband kept asking me “what? why are you looking at me?”
It’s just what they do.
Lori Z.´s last blog ..Doing Right By Grandma
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Okay, he totally gets bonus points for creativity. I’m sorry, I am just laughing my butt off over here.
Probably because even your hubby’s half-assed attempts at discipline are better than my husband’s non-existent ones. ALL of the scolding is left to me and it sucks the big one.
And, psssst, little secret: as a former biter, I think middle child will still turn out just fine.
TheKitchenWitch´s last blog ..The Cat Lady
Twitter: thekitchwitch
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Who says my threat was empty?? They’re baby teeth anyway, so what harm is there in pulling them out? :)
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Marinka Reply:
December 14th, 2009 at 11:25 am
Great point. Besides, you’d only have to pull four before he totally got the message.
Marinka´s last blog ..Now You’re Cooking!
Twitter: MarinkaNYC
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Well, being that I have 20 years of child rearing behind me….and I’ve tried every trick in the book including idle threats. I am fortunate to have NEVER HAD A BITER IN THE FAMILY! That said, I have had biters in my classrooms. SO when someone else’s kid is the one who is getting disciplined, one may have to use white tipped gloves.
Your husbands tactics may only be good on your own kids, and well I say. Let him use it! The next time you see a kid who had lost a few teeth dad can point out…..”See that kid over there? Bet he’s not biting his sister anymore”
Twitter: hollywood farm
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Carrie Reply:
December 14th, 2009 at 1:05 pm
OMG, that would be HILARIOUS!! FInd a kid missing a few teeth and USE that! Saves you having to do the dentist trip for sure :)
Carrie´s last blog ..Tis the Season!
Twitter: Miss_Scarlett99
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Amber Reply:
December 16th, 2009 at 6:14 pm
HAHAH, that is too effin’ funny! Great idea :-)
Amber´s last blog ..Chirstmas Cards
Twitter: unlikelymama
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–>I would have been mortified if my husband had said that to my son. If he bites again and of course doesn’t go to the dentist, where’s the credibility?
WebSavyMom´s last blog ..Flashback Friday (Part 41) – College Roommates (not) From Hell
Twitter: debthaxton
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I have said the same thing as your husband, maybe not biting and teeth pulling but an empty threat and though it “feels good” when it comes out, it makes no sense. The kiddos soon learn you don’t follow thru.
So basically, tell husband…. ehhh wrong.
Vodka Logic´s last blog ..A Fantasy Weekend with Basspro and Harry Potter
Twitter: LauraBlue58
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I don’t seem to have a huge issue with biting but I have noticed my older girl doing things I have REPEATEDLY asked her NOT to do every time I sit down to nurse her sister. I guess it’s a need for attention but not too much I can do about it until I’m finished nursing…so I end up yelling at her when she climbs around us and kicks me or her sister in the head. Argh. Just makes her want MORE attention because she’s been yelled at but it takes time to get back to the “everyone is happy, feeling good” vibe once you yell.
I am also annoyed with my husband’s lack of using discipline. I think he’s coasted on the “she’s only 2″ and “she’s only 3″ excuse for far too long. If we’d nipped it in the bud sooner maybe we wouldn’t have the issues we do now. I’m the only one who tries to consistantly use time-outs and since there is no consistancy, there hasn’t been much change…not sure what to do now…
Carrie´s last blog ..Tis the Season!
Twitter: Miss_Scarlett99
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I am so laughing at this. Hubby is lucky that biter didn’t think hubby was picking on his and decided that biting might be the solution.
Nicki´s last blog ..My First Race
Twitter: NickiinNY
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My daughter (19 mos) has been biting her older brother lately, too. I don’t think she’d understand the threat, but if the timeouts stop working….
In seriousness, I realized the hard way a couple weeks ago just how much a ridiculous, playful threat can scare the pants off of a kid. My 2 y/o had covered his entire body with return address labels (which I gave him to use in his coloring book) and I said he looked ready to mail off.
Terrified, he cried that he didn’t want us to put him in the mailbox or have the mailman take him away for a good 10 minutes, and needed tons of reassurance that we wouldn’t ship him off the rest of the day. I can see how teeth removal could sound just as frightening.
My husband and I also try to keep our “critiques” of each other’s parenting to a minimum, but sometimes you just have to call it like you see it. :)
Deb´s last blog ..Real men wear pee
Twitter: noreturnmom
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I’m not into the empty threats. Kids learn quickly that the parent’s threats mean nothing and lose respect.
My brother was a biter. My parents used positive reinforcement charts w/ small rewards and that really helped.
Maya´s last blog ..The Most Special Christmas
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Lord Have Mercy… that’s what I’m in store for with my husband. He likes to tell our 14 MONTH OLD “this crying is completely unacceptable.” Right. She totally gets that.
Sara — The Football Wife´s last blog ..Christmas Shopping – The EASY Way?
Twitter: thefootballwife
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I’m with you. We are big believers in only threatening with things that will *actually* happen. My least favorite (but true) used in our house is “If you keep acting up, no dance class.” I’m paying a lot of money for dance class and the 50 minutes of mom time it gives me! I hope we NEVER have to follow through on this one!
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Mama Cas Reply:
December 14th, 2009 at 8:38 pm
That’s a great one! You know what might make it even better? If you TAKE the child to the class, but make her/him sit on the sidelines and WATCH the class (if you keep the kid home, the kid doesn’t really feel the effects because they’re doing other things and not thinking about the dance class). And you c0uld give the teacher the heads up so she might come over and say something like, “I sure wish you could have danced with us today. I hope you can join us next time.” I bet it would only happen once!
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I know, no empty threats, it’s what all the books say. But I’m with your husband. It was funny and it sounds like it worked. We can’t parent by the book ALL the time.
I’m with him- I think it was creative
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Sounds like something my husband would have said. Hey, empty threats and all–whatever works, right?
Theta Mom´s last blog ..The Demi Bella Review and Giveaway
Twitter: ThetaMom
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Hey, it might work! I told my biter that *I* would bite *HIM* if he ever bit his brother again.
And I did.
Nan´s last blog ..But First, The Highlights…
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Brittany at Mommy Words Reply:
December 14th, 2009 at 11:04 pm
Ah Nan, yes I have threatened to bite back and done so while showing my giant grown up permanent teeth and yes, I think I would take a nibble to prove my point. She did not bite after that.
I am on your side though Scary Mommy, because having all your teeth pulled out sounds like some terrible torture that is clearly NOT going to happen.
Twitter: mommywords
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Nan, my husband told our son the same thing – and it worked!
Noelle´s last blog ..Memories Of Our First Christmas, And Our First Major Incompatibility
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one more comment like that, and I’m going to take him to the doctor and have his vocal chords removed!
Grammy
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As a girl who is terrified of needles (and therefore, anything related to dental work,) I vote no threatening :) I would love to NOT be scared of needles, and I think threatening me would make it worse.
Cheryl´s last blog ..The Blue & White Life
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WHAT????? That is the most idiotic threat I’ve ever heard. In my life. Ever.
Mwa´s last blog ..You make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside
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That is hilarious! Bonus points to hubs for such creativity. I say let’s wait and see before we judge. If he doesn’t bite any more, kudos to your husband. If he does and obviously, you can’t follow through, then you are in one big pickle. Best of luck and keep us posted on how it goes!
~Laura´s last blog ..The Giving Tree
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LOL! It’s a pretty funny threat, but I agree with the no empty threats rule.
It still made me GOL (giggle out loud).
Notesfromthegrove´s last blog ..I’m a DJ. On the radio. Just in case you were wondering…
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That is straight out of a comedy. AND a good one. Hysterical and it could just work. Can’t wait for the follow up post.
Stefanie´s last blog ..black friday the conclusion
Twitter: ooph
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Hysterical! But no empty threats Jeff!
We usually do time-outs here if anything that shouldn’t be done gets done.
But biting is not a joke! Good thing he is only biting his sister :)
Sophia’s Mom´s last blog ..Umami Road: Review and Giveaway
Twitter: wannabewahm
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I think that’s pretty funny! We always say goofy things like that around here. Doesn’t hurt to have a sense of humor once in awhile ;o)
Mom Taxi Julie´s last blog ..Good Bye To A Dear Friend
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That actually sounds like something both my husband and I would say. The Hubs and I say things like that all the time….we think a little bit of fear, when used right, can be healthy. Of course, in 20 years, when Mads is having conversations with her shrink and relays the sorts of things we said to her as a child, we might not be of the same thinking. LOL
HaB´s last blog ..Hunting vs. the Snowman
Twitter: HaBryerton
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I would say that is fine to say. But of course, I am the WORST mother on the planet : ) so take it with a grain of salt : )
Life with Kaishon´s last blog ..A Horse is a Horse of course, of course!
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I agree with you. You cannot use “threats” of things that you cannot or will not follow through on. Sorry.
Missy´s last blog ..The Making of a Car
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I agree with you, my friend. I can’t stand it when my husband or my oldest daughter (because she does it all the time) threatens the little kids with things that they cannot follow through on. Bugs me.
Lolli´s last blog ..Holiday Shopping – Holiday Shipping
Twitter: 1momof5
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No. Empty. Threats. Ever.
That said? I’m so glad he made his hilarious, empty threat because it made for some very entertaining reading today!
Jane´s last blog ..Tunes for Tuesday – The Show
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Some others have already mentioned Modern Family, but I have to, too. It’s pretty much the same thing: making RIDICULOUS threats that have to be followed through on haha. My husband just told our 2 year old the other day that if he didn’t eat his vitamins he wouldn’t get any breakfast. haha I looked at him and said, “Oh, really??”
He’s yet to see that Modern Family episode. I have it saved on Hulu just for him.
Jessica – This Is Worthwhile´s last blog ..When rocks are feathers
Twitter: tisworthwhile
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HAHAH. Totally sounds like something I would say, but then immediately regret! When our oldest started biting, once we bit him back, he stopped.
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I’m not a fan of empty threats. If you say threaten something, you have to be able to follow up iwth it. THat’s solely my opinion of course.
Funny though!!! :)
Jamie´s last blog ..Know when to hold ‘em, know when to fold ‘em, and know when to run
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I try not to make threats that I can’t back up. Last thing I want is for them to figure out that we have little to no power. ;)
Jack´s last blog ..How Do You Become a Father
Twitter: thejackb
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I kind of think that’s pretty funny. The kind of thing that would be said in jest at our house. I’m not sure exactly if I would say it in serious-ness, but I should also note that I have given empty threats in the past…
I also giggle at the visual of the lawn mowing incident :)
June´s last blog ..Cloth Diapers, Part Deux
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Kids bite, it happens. I recommend the book Teeth are Not For Biting.
jodifur´s last blog ..All Of My Electronic Devices Are Conspiring Against Me
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Sorry Scary Husband, but even as a fellow dude I wouldn’t agree that this was a good way to approach it. Of course Lukas is currently experiencing nightmares so I don’t want to frighten him any more than he already is.
Seattledad (Luke, I am Your Father)´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday: Fireball Edition
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Dude! You NEVER threaten anything you’re not willing to follow up on!!!! They learn very quickly if you mean otherwise… Like when my Hubs said he would shave my daughter’s head if she didn’t stop screaming when he washed her hair… However I went into the bathroom, said if she didn’t stop screaming and trying to force herself to puke in the tub b/c she didn’t want her hair washed, and that her behavior wasn’t acceptable inside of my house… she gave me the “I dont’ believe you” look… and I promptly dressed her in underwear and a robe and put her out on the patio until she calmed down… eh, yeah… it was January and cold… good thing my neighbors kids were worse than mine!
Holly´s last blog ..Bravo!
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Well…I don’t know if I can really say much here. Considering the fact that I threaten to leave my children behind if they don’t come with me “RIGHT NOW!” on a daily basis…
Twitter: BigPieceofCake
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um, ill take the BAD mom of the year award, because i have used that threat myself.
scared straight i say.
Twitter: crazyassmomma
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Aw man. I just want to say Oh Yeah, that was funny, Dad! Okay, I’ll be the proper Mommy. Dad, you can’t say stuff like that. I was terrified when I was little that I would have to get all my teeth pulled out when I was my Granddad’s age. It seemed that all old people were doing it.
Okay, now I have totally digressed.
Teri´s last blog ..Goodbye, Cousin
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Well did it stop the biting?
Angela´s last blog ..Merry Christmas!
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Scary Mommy Reply:
December 31st, 2009 at 9:25 pm
I hate to say it, but it did seem to. Crap.
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The husband solution to the biting son over here was simply to bite him back! Don’t you know it worked like a charm. I was happy that the bruises on my arms could heal and I could fear no more the jaw latch on my groin! Yowsers!
I’m pretty sure that Dads have a lot more leniency in the threatening realm. I’m almost jealous, even if there IS a fair amount of jaw-dropping judgment on my part as my husband launches his newest BRIGHT ideas (aka Threats).
By the way…has it worked? Has the biter laid low?
Sarah´s last blog ..Ten from Jen: Blog Posts of 2009
Twitter: momalom
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